A Rob Reiner Film

Harry Burns - Billy Crystal

Sally Allbright - Meg Ryan

Marie - Carrie Fisher

Jess - Bruno Kirby

Joe - Steven Ford

Alice - Lisa Jane Persky

Amanda - Michelle Nicastro

Man: I was sitting with my friend Arthur Cornrom in a restaurant. It was

an ___ ___ cafeteria and this beautiful girl walked in and I turned to Arthur

and I said, "Arthur, you see that girl? I'm going to marry her, and two weeks

later we were married and it's over fifty years later and we are still

married.

(At the university, Harry and Amanda kissing goodbye.)

Amanda: I love you

Harry: I love you

Sally: (clears throat) kmm kmm... Kmm Kmm

Amanda: Oh, hi Sally. Sally, this is Harry Burns. Harry, this is Sally

Allbright.

Harry: Nice to meet you.

Sally: You want to drive the first shift?

Harry: No, you're there already you can start.

Sally: Back's open.

Amanda: Call me.

Harry: I'll call you as soon as I get there.

Amanda: Oh, call me from the road.

Harry: I'll call you before that.

Amanda: I love you.

Harry: I love you.

Sally: (honks) Sorry.

Harry: I miss you already, huh, I miss you already.

Amanda: I miss you.

Harry: Bye.

Amanda: Bye.

(Harry and Sally in the car, on their whay to New York)

Sally: I have it all figured out. It's an eighteen hour trip which breaks

down into six shifts of three hours each or alternatively we could break it

down by mileage.

(Harry climbs to reach for something at the back-seat)

Sally: There's a...there's a map on the huh... visor that I've marked to show

the locations so we can change shifts.

Harry: Grapes?

Sally: No, I don't like to eat between meals.

(Harry spits pits out but the window was shut)

Harry: I'll roll down the window. Why don't you tell me the story of your

life.

Sally: Story of my life?

Harry: We've got eighteen hours to kill before we hit New York.

Sally: The story of my life isn't even going to get us out of Chicago I mean

nothing's happened to me yet. That's why I'm going to New York.

Harry: So something can happen to you?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: Like what?

Sally: I can go into journalism school to become a reporter.

Harry: So you can write about things that happen to other people.

Sally: That's one way to look at it.

Harry: Suppose nothing happens to you. Suppose you lived out your whole life

and nothing happens you never meet anybody you never become anything and

finally you die in one of those New York deaths which nobody notices for two

weeks until the smell drifts into the hallway.

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.

Harry: That's what drew her to me.

Sally: Your dark side.

Harry: Sure. Why don't you have a dark side? No you're probably one of those

cheerful people who dots their eyes with little hearts.

Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.

Harry: Oh really. When I buy a new book I always read the last page first

that way in case I die before I finish I know how it ends. That my friend is

a dark side.

Sally: That doesn't mean you're deep or anything I mean... yes, basically I'm

a happy person...

Harry: So am I.

Sally: ...and I don't see that there's anything wrong with that.

Harry: Of course not you're too busy being happy. Do you ever think about

death?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: Sure you do, a fleeting thought that jumps in and out of the transient

of your mind. I spend hours, I spend days...

Sally: And you think that makes you a better person.

Harry: Look, when the shit comes down I'm gonna be prepared and you're not

that's all I'm saying.

Sally: And in the mean time you're gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it.

(a while later, still in the car)

Sally: You're wrong.

Harry: I'm not wrong, he wants...

Sally: You're wrong.

Harry: ...he wants her to leave that's why he puts her on the plane.

Sally: I don't think she wants to stay.

Harry: Of course she wants to stay. Wouldn't you rather be with Humphrey

Bogart than the other guy?

Sally: I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca married to a

man who runs a bar. I probably sound very snobbish to you but I don't.

Harry: You'd rather be in a passionless marriage.

Sally: And be the first lady of Czechoslovakia.

Harry: Than live with the man you've had the greatest sex of you life with,

and just because he owns a bar and that is all he does.

Sally: Yes. And so had any woman in her right mind, woman are very

practical, even Ingrid Bergman which is why she gets on the plane at the end

of the movie.

(They pull up to a road side cafe.)

Harry: I understand.

Sally: What? What?

Harry: Nothing.

Sally: What?

Harry: Forget about it.

Sally: For.. What? Forget about what?

Harry: It's not important.

Sally: No just tell me.

Harry: Obviously you haven't had great sex yet. (Turns to waitress) Two

please.

Waitress: Right over there.

Sally: Yes I have.

Harry: No you haven't.

Sally: It just so happens that I have had plenty of good sex.

(Silence, the whole restaurant looks at Sally. Sally realises what she had

done, walks carefully with a tilted head towards the table.)

Harry: With whom?

Sally: What?

Harry: With whom did you have this great sex?

Sally: I'm not going to tell you that!

Harry: Fine, don't tell me.

Sally: Shel Gordon.

Harry: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you didn't have great sex with ... Sheldon.

Sally: I did too.

Harry: No you didn't. A Sheldon can do your income taxes. If you need a root

canal Sheldon's your man, but humping and pumping is not Sheldon's strong

suit. It's the name. Do it to me 'Sheldon', you're an animal 'Sheldon',

ride me big 'Sheldon'. Doesn't work.

Waitress: Hi, what can I get ya?

Harry: I'll have a number three.

Sally: I'd like the chef salad please with the oil and vinegar on the side and

the apple pie a la mode.

Waitress: Chef and apple a la mode.

Sally: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top I

want it on the side and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it

if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real if it's out

of a can then nothing.

Waitress: Not even the pie?

Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated.

Waitress: Uh huh.

Sally: What?

Harry: Nothing, nothing. So how come you broke up with Sheldon?

Sally: How you know we broke up?

Harry: Because if you didn't break up you wouldn't be here with me, you'd be

off with Sheldon the wonder-schlong.

Sally: First of all, I am not *with* you, and second of all it is none of your

business why we broke up.

Harry: You're right, you're right, I don't want to know.

Sally: Well if you must know, it was because he was very jealous and I had these

days-of-the-week underpants.

Harry: (imitates a wrong answer buzzer) uah! I'm sorry I need a judge's

ruling on this...days-of-week underpants.

Sally: Yes. They had the days of the week on them and I thought they were

sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, 'You never wear Sunday'.

It's all suspicious, where was Sunday, where was Sunday? And I told him and

he didn't believe me.

Harry: Why?

Sally: They don't make Sunday.

Harry: Why?

Sally: Because of God.

(They've finished eating.)

Sally: (talking to herself) Ok, so fifteen percent of my share is ninety...

six ninety. This leaves seven. (To Harry) What? Do I have something on my

face?

Harry: You're a very attractive person.

Sally: Thank you.

Harry: Amanda never said how attractive you were.

Sally: Well may be she doesn't think I'm attractive.

Harry: I don't think it's a matter of opinion, empirically you are attractive.

Sally: Amanda is my friend.

Harry: So?

Sally: So you're going with her.

Harry: So?

Sally: So you're coming on to me!

Harry: No I wasn't. What?

(Sally is not impressed, jaw drops, wide eyes)

Harry: Can't a man say a woman is attractive without it being a come-on?

Alright, alright, let's just say just for the sake of argument that it was a

come-on. What do you want me to do about it? I take it back, ok? I take it

back.

Sally: You can't take it back.

Harry: Why not?

Sally: Because it's already out there.

Harry: Oh gees, what are we suppose to do, call the cops? It's already out

there.

Sally: Just let it lie, ok?

Harry: Great! Let it lie. That's my policy. That's what I always say, let

it lie. Wanna spend the night at a motel? See what I did? I didn't let it

lie.

Sally: Harry.

Harry: I said I wouldn't and I didn't.

Sally: Harry.

Harry: I went the other way.

Sally: Harry.

Harry: What?

Sally: We are just going to be friends, ok?

Harry: Great! Friends! It's the best thing.

(On the road once more)

Harry: You realise of course that we can never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or

form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets

in the way.

Sally: That's not true, I have a number of men friends and there's is no sex

involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he

always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds

unattractive.

Harry: Nuh, you pretty much wanna nail'em too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the

friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You are the only person I knew in New York.

(Louis Armstrong breaks into "You say neither, I say....". They've reached

the Big Apple and are unloading Harry's luggage)

Harry: Thanks for the ride.

Sally: Yeah, it was interesting.

Harry: It was nice knowing you.

Sally: Yeah.

(They shake hands)

Sally: Well have a nice life.

Harry: You too.

(Luois is back with the song and it switches to another couple on a couch)

Woman: We fell in love in high school.

Man: Yeah we were... we were high school sweethearts.

Woman: But then after our junior year his parents moved away.

Man: But I never forgot her.

Woman: He never forgot me.

Man: No, her face is burned on my brain. And it was thirty four years later

that I was walking down Broadway and I saw her come out of _______ .

Woman: And we both looked at each other, and it was just as though not a

single day had gone by.

Man: She was just as beautiful as she was at sixteen.

Woman: He was just the same. He looked exactly the same.

(Sally and Joe kissing in the airport, Harry walked by and saw them.)

Harry: Joe! I thought it was you. I thought it was you. Harry Burns.

Joe: Harry, Harry how're you doing?

Harry: Good, how're you doing?

Joe: I'm...fine, I'm doing fine.

Harry: Yeah, it's great, I was just walking by and I thought it was you and

there it is, it's you!

Joe: Yea, yea, it was.

Harry: Are you still with the DA's office?

Joe: No I switched to the other side, what about you?

Harry: I work with a small firm and we do political consulting.

(sociable laughs all round)

Joe: Oh Harry this is Sally Allbright. Harry Burns. Ah...Harry and I use to

uh...we lived in the same building.

(more sociable laughs)

Harry: Well listen I got a plane to catch, it was really good to see you Joe.

Joe: You too Harry.

Harry: Bye.

(Sally nods)

Sally: Thank God he couldn't place me, I drove from College to New York with

him five years ago and it was the longest night of my life.

Joe: What happened?

Sally: He made a pass at me and when I said no he was going with a girlfriend

of mine uh... Oh God I can't even remember her name! Don't get involved with

me Joe I am twenty six years old and I can't even remember the name of the

girl I was such good friends with I wouldn't get involved with her boyfriend.

Joe: So what happened?

Sally: When?

Joe: When... when he made a pass at you and you said no and...

Sally: Oh, oh. I said we could just be friends. And this part I can remember

he said that men and women could never really be friends. Do you think that's

true?

Joe: No.

Sally: Do you have any women friends, just friends?

Joe: No. But I will get one if it is important to you.

Sally: Amanda Reese, that was her name, thank God.

Joe: I will miss you. I love you.

Sally: You do?

Joe: Yes.

Sally: I love you.

(in the plane, Sally day-dreaming about something)

Air Hostess: And what would you like to drink?

Passenger: Nothing thanks.

Sally: Do you have any Bloody Marry mix?

Air Hostess: Yes.

Sally: Oh wait, here's what I want. Regular tomato juice, filled up about

three quarters than add a splash of Bloody Marry mix, just a splash, and a

little piece of lime, but on the side.

Harry: (from a row behind Sally) The University of Chicago right?

Sally: (looks at Harry, sighs) Yes.

Harry: Did you look this good at the University of Chicago?

Sally: No.

Harry: Did we ever uh...(makes pumping fist gesture)

Sally: No! No! (to man sitting on her right) We drove from Chicago to New

York together after graduation.

Man: Would you two like to sit together?

(Simultaneously...)

Sally: No.

Harry: Great! Thank you.

Harry: You were a good friend of umm...

Sally: Amanda's. I can't believe you can't remember her name.

Harry: What do you mean? I remember, Amanda right? Amanda Rice.

Sally: Reese.

Harry: Reese, right! That's what I said! What ever happened to her?

Sally: I have no idea.

Harry: You have no idea? You were really good friends with her. We didn't

make it because you were such good friends.

Sally: You went with her!

Harry: And was it worth it? The sacrifice for a friend that you don't even

keep in touch with?

Sally: Harry, you might not believe this but I never considered not sleeping

with you a sacrifice.

Harry: Fair enough. Fair enough.

Harry: (contd) You were going to be a gymnast.

Sally: A journalist.

Harry: Right, that's what I said. And?

Sally: I am a journalist, I work at the news.

Harry: Great! And you're with Joe. Well that's great, great. You're

together, what, three weeks?

Sally: A month, how did you know that?

Harry: You take someone to the Airport it's clearly the beginning of a

relationship that's why I have never taken anyone to the Airport at the

beginning of a relationship.

Sally: Why?

Harry: Because eventually if things move on and you don't take someone to the

Airport, and I never wanted anyone to say to me, "How come you never take me

to the Airport anymore?"

Sally: It's amazing, you look like a normal person but actually you're the

Angel of Death.

Harry: Are you going to marry him?

Sally: (gasping, lost for words) We have only known each other for a month and

besides neither one of us is looking to get married right now.

Harry: Hmm, I'm getting married.

Sally: You are?

Harry: Umm hmm.

Sally: *You* are.

Harry: Hmm, yeah.

Sally: Who is she?

Harry: Helen Helson, she is a lawyer, she's keeping her name.

Sally: (laughs) You're getting married.

Harry: Yeah.

Sally: (laughs some more)

Harry: What's so funny about that?

Sally: (laughs even more) It's a...well...It's just so optimistic of you

Harry.

Harry: Well you'd be amazed what falling madly in love can do for you.

Sally: Well it's wonderful, it's nice to see you embracing life in this

manner.

Harry: Yeah plus you know you just get to a certain point where you get tired

of the whole thing.

Sally: What "whole thing"?

Harry: The whole life-of-a-single-guy thing. You meet someone, you have the

safe lunch, you decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner. You

go dancing, you do the white-man's over-bite, go back to her place, you have

sex and the minute you're finished you know what goes through your mind? How

long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home. Is

thirty seconds enough?

Sally: (In disgust) That's what you're thinking? Is that true?

Harry: Sure! All men think that. How long do you want to be held

afterwards? All night, right? See there's your problem, somewhere between

thirty seconds and all night is your problem.

Sally: I don't have a problem!

Harry: Yeah you do.

(Plane lands, Harry and Sally meet again on one of those motorised walkways in

the Airport)

Harry: Staying over?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: Would you like to have dinner?

(Sally looks over)

Harry: Just friends.

Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry: When did I say that?

Sally: On the ride to New York.

Harry: No no no no, I never said that. (Harry pauses, thinks.) Yes, that's

right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other

people then they can. This is an amendment to the earlier rule, if the two

people are in relationships, the pressure of possibilty of involvement is

lifted. (Pauses) That doesn't work either because what happens then is the

person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with

the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from

their relationship and "why do you have to go outside to get it?". Then

when you say, "no no no no, it's not true nothing's missing from the

relationship", the person you're involved with then accuses you of being

secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which we probably

are, I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it,

which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment which is men and

women can't be friends, so where does that leave us?

Sally: Harry.

Harry: What?

Sally: Goodbye.

Harry: Oh, OK.

(They both start to walk along the motorised walkway, side by side)

Harry: I'll just stop walking, I'll let you go ahead.

(Another old couple on the same couch)

Man: We were married forty years ago. We were married three years, we got a

divorce. Then I married Margerie.

Woman: But first you lived with Barbara.

Man: Right, Barbara. But I didn't marry Barbara I married Margerie.

Woman: Then he got a divorce.

Man: Right, then I married Kitty.

Woman: Another divorce.

Man: Then a couple of years later at Atticalicio's funeral, I ran into her. I

was with some girl I don't even remember.

Woman: Ruberta.

Man: Right, Ruberta. But I couldn't take my eyes off you. I remember I snuck

over to her and I said... What did I say?

Woman: You said, "What are you doing after?"

Man: Right. So I ditched Ruberta, we go for a coffee, a month later we were

married.

Woman: Thirty five years today after our first marriage.

(Three women sitting outdoor at a table in a restaurant, nice view overlooking

water and willow with skyscrapers faintly visible in the distance)

(Five years have passed since Harry and Sally's last meeting)

Marie: I went through his pockets in bed.

Alice: Marie why do you go through his pockets?

Marie: You know what I found?

Alice: No, what?

Marie: They just bought a dinning room table. He and his wife just went out

and spent sixteen hundred dollars on a dinning room table.

Alice: Where?

Marie: Huh... The point isn't where, Alice. The point is he's never going to

leave her!

Alice: So what else is new you've known this for two years.

Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

Alice: Why can't you find someone single. When I was I knew lots of nice

single men. There must be someone. Sally found someone.

Marie: Sally got the last good one.

Sally: Joe and I broke up.

Alice: What?

Marie: When?

Sally: Monday.

(At the same time)

Alice: You waited three days to tell us?

Marie: You mean Joe's available?

Alice: Oh for God's sakes Marie don't you have any feelings about this? She's

obviously upset.

Sally: I'm not that upset, we've been growing apart for quite a while.

Marie: But you guys were a couple, you had someone to go places with, you had

a date on national holidays.

Sally: I said to myself, "You deserve more than this, you're thirty one years

old..."

Marie: And the clock is ticking.

Sally: No the clock doesn't really start to tick until you're thirty six.

Alice: God you're in such great shape.

Sally: Well, I've had a few days to get use to it, and uh... I feel OK.

Marie: Good! Then you're ready.

(Marie reaches down to bring up her card index)

Alice: Oh really Marie.

Marie: Well how else do you think you do it? (To Sally) I've got the perfect

guy. I don't happen to find him attractive but you might. She doesn't have a

problem with chins.

Sally: Marie, I'm not ready yet.

Marie: But you just said you were over him.

Sally: I *am* over him, but I'm in a mourning period. (Pauses) Who is it?

Marie: Alex Anderson.

Sally: (Disgusted) Uh! You fixed me up with him six years ago.

(Alice giggles)

Marie: Sorry!

Sally: God!

Marie: Alright, wait, here, here we go, Ken Darmen.

Sally: He's been married for over a year.

Marie: Really. (Dog-ears the his card) Married... Oh wait, wait, wait, I got

one.

Sally: Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really

like *if* I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of

being anything to me but a transitional man.

Marie: OK, but don't wait too long. Remember what happened to David Walsaw?

His wife left him and everyone said, "Give him some time, don't move in too

fast." Six months later he was dead.

Sally: What are you saying? I should get married to someone right away in

case he's about to die?

Alice: At least you could say you were married.

Marie: I'm saying, that the right man for you might be out there right now,

and if you don't grab him someone else will and you'll have spend the rest of

your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.

(At a football game)

(We follow the Mexican wave and see Harry and Jess)

Jess: When did this happen?

Harry: Friday. Helen comes home from and she said, "I don't know if I want to

be married anymore." Like it's the institution, you know, like it's nothing

personal, just something she's been thinking about... in a casual way. I'm

calm, I say, "Why don't we take some time to think about it, you know, don't

rush into anything."

Jess: Yeah, right.

Harry: Next day she said she's thought about it, and she wants a trial

separation. She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date. Like

this is supposed to cushion the blow. I mean I got married so I can stop

dating. So I don't see where we can still date is any big incentive since the

last thing you want to do is date your wife, who's suppose to love you, which

is what I'm saying to you, that's when it occurs to me that may be... she

doesn't. So I say to her, "Don't you love me anymore?" You know what she

says?

(Jess shakes his head)

Harry: "I don't know if I've ever loved you."

Jess: Ooo that's harsh.

(They partake in the Mexican wave)

Jess: You don't bounce back from that right away.

Harry: Thanks Jess.

Jess: No, I'm a writer, know dialogue and that's particularly harsh.

Harry: Then she tells me that somebody in her office is going to South

America and she can sub-let his apartment. I can't believe this, and the

doorbell rings, 'I can sub-let his apartment', the words are still hanging in

the air, you know, like in a balloon attached to a mouth.

Jess: Like in the cartoon.

Harry: Right. So I go to the door, and there were moving men there. Now I

start to get suspicious. I say, "Helen when did you call these movers?", and

she doesn't say anything. So I asked the movers, "When did this woman book

you for this gig?". And they're just standing there. Three huge guys, one of

them was wearing a T-shirt that says, "Don't mess with Mr. Zero." So I said,

"Helen, when did you make this arrangement?". She says, "A week ago.". I

said, "You've known for a week and you didn't tell me?". And she says, "I

didn't want to ruin your birthday."

(They do the Mexican wave again)

Jess: You're say Mr. Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you

did?

Harry: Mr. Zero know.

Jess: I can't believe this!

Harry: I haven't told you the bad part yet.

Jess: What could be worse than Mr. Zero knowing.

Harry: It's all a lie. She's in love with somebody else, some tax attorney.

She moved in with him.

Jess: How did you find out?

Harry: I followed her, I stood outside the building.

Jess: So humiliating.

Harry: Tell me about it. (Pauses) And do you know I knew? I knew the whole

time that even though we were happy it was just an illusion and that one day

she will kick the shit out of me.

Jess: Marriages don't break up on a count of infidelity. It's just a symptom

that something else is wrong.

Harry: Oh really? Well that symptom is fucking my wife.

(Marie and Sally in a book store. Second floor)

Marie: So I just happen to see his American Express bill.

Sally: What do you mean you just *happen* to see it?

Marie: Well, he was shaving and... there it was in his briefcase.

Sally: What if he came out and saw you looking through his briefcase?

Marie: You're missing the point, I'm telling you what I found. He just spent

a hundred and twenty dollars on a new night gown for his wife. I don't think

he's ever going to leave her.

Sally: No one thinks he's ever going to leave her.

Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

(Marie saw Harry peering at Sally through the top of his book)

Marie: Someone is starring at you in personal growth.

Sally: I know him. You'd like him, he's married.

Marie: Who is he?

Sally: Harry Burns, he's a political consultant.

Marie: He's cute.

Sally: You think he's cute?

Marie: How do you know he's married.

Sally: 'Cos last time I saw him he was getting married.

Marie: When was that?

Sally: Six years ago.

Marie: So he might not be married anymore.

Sally: Also he's obnoxious.

Marie: Uh, this is just like in the movies remember when the lady vanishes and

she says to meet the most obnoxious man in the world....

Sally: The most contemptible.

Marie: And they fall madly in love.

Sally: Also he never remembers me.

Harry: Sally Allbright.

Sally: Hi Harry.

Harry: I thought it was you.

Sally: It is. Huh... this is Marie.

(Marie is already on her way down stairs)

Sally: Was Marie.

Harry: How are you?

Sally: Fine!

Harry: How's Joe?

Sally: Fine. (Pauses) I hear he's fine.

Harry: You're not with Joe anymore?

Sally: We just broke up.

Harry: Oh, I'm sorry, that's too bad.

Sally: Yah...well, you know...yah. (Long pause) So, what about you?

Harry: I'm fine.

Sally: How's married life?

Harry: Not so good. I...I'm getting a divorce.

Sally: Oh, sorry. Oh I'm really sorry.

Harry: Yeah, well, what're you going to do. What happened with you guys?

(Harry and Sally now sitting in a empty restaurant, having coffee)

Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other we wanted exactly the same

thing. We wanted to live together but we didn't want to get married because

every time anyone we knew got married it ruined their relationship, they

practically never had sex again. It's true. It's one of those secrets that

no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have

kids... actually this my girlfriend who has kids, Alice, and she and Garry

never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it now that I think

about it. She just said it matter-of-fact-ly. She said, they were up all

night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual

impulse they had out of them. (Pauses) Joe and I use to talk about it and

we'd say, we are so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex

on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in, we can fly off

to Rome on a moment's notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little

girl for the afternoon because I promised I'd take her to the circus, and, we

were in the cab playing eye-spy. Eye-spy mailbox, eye-spy lamppost. And she

looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two

little kids and the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders and she

said, "I spy a family". And I started to cry. You know I just started

crying. And I went home and I said, "The thing is Joe we never fly off to

Rome on a moment's notice.

Harry: And the kitchen floor...

Sally: Not once, it's this cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.

Harry: Umm.

Sally: Anyway, we talked about it for a long time and I said, "This is what I

want." and he says, "Well I don't." and I said, "Well I guess it's over." and

he left. And the thing is I... I feel really fine. I am over him, I mean I

really am over him. And that was it for him. That was the most that he could

give. And everytime I think about it I am more and more convinced that I did

the right thing.

Harry: Boy you sound really healthy.

Sally: Yah.

(Harry and Sally walking along in a park)

Sally: At least I got the apartment.

Harry: That's what everybody says to me too. But really what's so hard about

finding an apartment? What you do is, you read the obituary column. Yeah,

you find out who died, and go to the building and then you tip the doorman.

What they can do to make it easier is to combine the obituaries with the real

estate section. Say, then you'd have Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two

children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning

fireplace.

(They both sound of genuine laughter)

Harry: You know the first time I met I really didn't like you that much.

Sally: I didn't like you.

Harry: Yeah you did, you were just so uptight then. You're much softer now.

Sally: You know I hate that kind of remark. It sounds like a complement but

really it's an insult.

Harry: OK, you're still as hard as nails.

Sally: I just didn't want to sleep with you and you had to write it off as a

character flaw instead of dealing with the possibility that it might have

something to do with you.

Harry: What's the statute of limitation on apologies?

Sally: Ten years.

Harry: Ooo, I can just get it in under the wire.

Sally: Would you like to have dinner with me some time?

Harry: Are we becoming friends now?

Sally: Well... (Pause) yah.

Harry: Great! A woman friend... You know you may be the first attractive

woman I have not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.

Sally: That's wonderful Harry.

(New old couple again)

(They "cross-talk" all the time, they kind of overlaps each other's speech)

Man: We were both born in the same hospital.

Woman: Nineteen twenty one.

Man: Seven days apart.

Woman: In the same hospital.

Man: We both grew up one block away from each other.

Woman: We both lived in tenements.

Man: On the lower east side.

Woman: On Delancey Street.

Man: My family moved to the Bronx when I was ten.

Woman: He lived on Fordham Road.

Man: Hers moved when she was eleven.

Woman: I lived on a hundred and eighty third Street.

Man: For six years she worked on the fifteenth floor as a nurse where I had a

practice on the fourteenth floor in the very same building.

Woman: I worked ......(I can't figure out what she said here)...., Dr.

(someone or rather). We never met.

Man: Never met.

Woman: Can you imagine that?

Man: You know where we met? In an elevator. In the ambassador hotel in

Chicago Illanois. I rode up nine extra floors just to keep talking to her.

Woman: I was visiting family. He was on the third floor I was on the twelve.

Nine extra floors.

(A shot of Harry in the office, looking pathetically at one of those bobbing

toys that seems to dip its head enough to drink from a glass of water)

(The phone rings, actually the phone is from his apartment as they go about

their bedtime phone conversations)

(We see Harry and Sally each carrying out their everyday life. Work, shopping

etc)

(Voices overs)

(Sally answers the phone)

Sally: Hello.

Harry: You sleeping?

Sally: No, I was watching Casablanca.

Harry: Channel please.

Sally: Eleven.

Harry: Thank you, got it. Now you're telling me you will be happier with

Victor Laszlo than Humphrey Bogart?

Sally: When did I say that?

Harry: When we drove to New York.