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Traffic

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日期:2006-8-10 21:08:34
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                            Traffic

                            by

                            Stephen Gaghan




EXT. COLUMBUS, OHIO - DAY

The state capital of Ohio.  It's an impressive building for
a city this size.

SUPERTITLE: COLUMBUS, OHIO - STATE CAPITAL

INT. OHIO STATE SUPREME COURT - DAY

In chambers striving for august, JUSTICES listen to a lawyer
MR. RODMAN, argue his case before the highest court in Ohio.
Mr. Rodman enjoys the sound of his own voice.

                            MR. RODMAN
              This informant, paid by the police,
              using taxpayers dollars to continue
              his felony drug habit, was the link
              which allowed police to raid a
              private farm.  A working farm.  A
              farm where honest Americans make
              their living.

One particular justice, ROBERT WAKEFIELD, younger than the
others, is clearly bemused by this performance.

                            MR. RODMAN (CONT'D)
              The government, in its haste, has
              employed an army of criminals whose
              allegiance to the truth is, at
              best, questionable --

Judge Wakefield interrupts --

                            ROBERT
              Mr. Rodman...it's too bad your
              client didn't show as much sense in
              choosing what he planted as he did
              in choosing his attorney...

A polite chuckle from the justices --

                            ROBERT (CONT'D)
              Lately the only variation I'm
              hearing in your argument is the
              name of the client.  And you can
              sit there all day arguing the ins
              and outs of Illinois v. Gates, but
              you aren't going to convince me
              that this country has not sanctioned
              the use of anonymous informants.
                            (MORE)

                                                                      2.


                            ROBERT (CONT'D)
                     (beat)
              Furthermore, there is no sacred
              protection of property rights in
              the United Sates.  When you make
              the decision to have marijuana on
              your farm, whether it's one joint
              or an acre of plants, your property
              can be seized and your property can
              be sold.

                            MR. RODMAN
              I'm sorry the court finds my
              argument repetitious.

                            ROBERT
              Mr. Rodman, may I offer a piece of
              advice?  The next time you argue
              this point before this court,
              regardless of my whereabouts, I
              recommend you have something up
              your sleeve other than your arm.

INT. ROBERT'S CHAMBERS - DAY

The office is marble and dark wood.  A young CLERK, black,
29, enters carrying an oddly-shaped gift.  They both look at
it.

                            CLERK
              What do you think it is?

                            ROBERT
              Depends who it's from.

                            CLERK
                     (reading the card)
              Your friends at Warren, Putnam and
              Hudson.

                            ROBERT
              You can learn a lot about somebody
              from this stuff.  Three categories:
              you like me, you hate me, you want
              something from me.
                     (re: the elaborate box)
              Definitely third category.

                            CLERK
              What would a law firm want from the
              new drug Czar?

                            ROBERT
              Depends on the state.

                                                                      3.


                            CLERK
                     (checks)
              Arizona.

                            ROBERT
              Medicinal marijuana initiative.
                     (beat)
              Or am I being cynical?

They both laugh.  Robert reaches up and pulls a bottle of
Scotch from a shelf.  He pours a couple of fingers in two
glasses.

                            CLERK
              Maybe there's a book in it.

The clerk takes one of the glasses.

                            ROBERT
              Not by me.

They toast and drink.

EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY

Robert exits, trailed by a small group of reporters.  He
gets into a car being driven by two security TYPES.

INT. AIRPLANE - DAY

Robert sits in a business class window seat.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

An expensive hotel.  Robert Wakefield stands at the window,
looking at the view of our nation's capital.

SUPERTITLE: WASHINGTON D.C.

ON THE TABLE

the remnants of a meal.  It was a steak and a small caesar
salad.  The wine glass is half-empty.

ANOTHER ANGLE ON ROBERT

in front of the mirror now, trying on a dark, tasteful jacket.

CLOSER

On Robert in the same position, only now we are in HIS HOME.
It's daytime, and his wife BARBARA is helping him into this
same jacket.  As her hands dust the lint off his shoulders
we MATCH CUT TO:

                                                                      4.


ROBERT

in the hotel rooms, making the same motions.  Satisfied, he
straightens, then turns to look at himself.

OMITTED

ANGLE ON ROBERT

back at the hotel room window now.  Reaches to the table and
lifts the wine glass.

                                                 CUT TO:

EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY

This is the middle of nowhere.  Scrub cactus and dust and a
heartless sun.

SUPERTITLE: MEXICO - TWENTY MILES SOUTHWEST OF TIJUANA.

A broken down-looking Police Sedan is parked on the side of
the road.  It seems abandoned except there are TWO MEN inside.

INT. POLICE SEDAN - DAY

Two Mexican men, State Police officers, JAVIER RODRIGUEZ,
30's, and MANUEL "MANOLO" SANCHEZ, 20's, wearing jeans,
knock-off Polo shirts, and cowboy boots, wait patiently in
the car.

                            JAVIER
              I had that dream again.

A long pause.

                            MANOLO
              Which one?

Another long pause.

                            JAVIER
              Where my mother's suffocating.

They continue to wait until there is the sound of a JET
ENGINE.  It grows LOUDER as it approaches.

EXT. THE POLICE SEDAN - DAY

The shadow of a large plane crosses the desert floor.  Then,
an old DC-3 flies fifty feet above the Police Sedan.

                                                                      5.


INT. POLICE SEDAN - DAY

They watch the plane disappear over a small rise in the
desert.  They look at each other and wait some more.

EXT. MEXICAN DESERT - LATER

From the direction of the landing strip, a moving van
lumbers down the road, two TEENAGERS in the cab.

INT. POLICE SEDAN - DAY

Javi and Manolo watch the moving van approach.  Javi reaches
under the seat and picks up a bubble flasher.  He rolls down
the window and plants it on the roof.  He flips the switch.
Nothing happens.  He jiggles the wire and the siren BURPS
and the light flashes.  Manolo and Javi step from the car,
smiling.

EXT. MEXICAN DESERT - DAY

The moving van slows to a stop.  Javi approaches.  The
DRIVER unhurriedly rolls down the window.

                            DRIVER
              Is there a problem?

                            JAVIER
              No.  There's no problem.

The driver hesitates a confused beat then reaches for his
wallet.

                            DRIVER
              Okay.  I see.  How much do you want?

The driver pulls a wad of bills.  Javi shakes his head.

                            DRIVER (CONT'D)
              You want more than this?

Javi shakes his head.  The driver exchanges a look with his
partner.

                            DRIVER (CONT'D)
              You want something else?

Javi smiles.  The driver gets out and walks to the back of
the truck.  He opens the rear door.  There are neatly-
stacked crates marked with a SCORPION logo and "911."  He
reaches into one of them and pulls out a tightly-sealed
package also with the scorpion stamped on it.  He turns to
see Javi with his gun drawn.

                                                                      6.


Manolo, at the passenger side, has also drawn his gun and is
motioning the partner to move to the back of the truck.

                            JAVIER
              Drop the package.  Put your hands
              behind your head.  You're under
              arrest.

The driver hesitates.  He starts to comply then looks at
Javi and Manolo.

                            DRIVER
              I don't understand.  I think there
              must be some mistake.

                            JAVIER
              No, there's no mistake.

Javi motions to Manolo who cuffs both teenagers.  The driver
begins spewing OBSCENITIES under his breath.  Javi puts the
driver in the front of the Shadow.  Manolo follows in the
moving van.

OMITTED

OMITTED

EXT. DIRT ROAD - MEXICO - LATER

The truck follows the Shadow down a desert road.

Suddenly, from behind, four armored SUV's with tinted
windows appear, closing fast.

The SUV's force both vehicles off the road where they pull
to a stop.  A long beat as hot wind blows desert detritus
past the truck.

Finally, the SUV doors open and FEDERAL POLICE OFFICERS
surround them like a SWAT team.

The passenger door of the lead SUV opens and GENERAL ARTURO
SALAZAR, 50's, a squat, powerful presence in a perfectly
pressed uniform gets out and approaches Javi.

                            SALAZAR
                     (to Javier)
              What's your name?

                            JAVIER
              Javier Rodriguez.

                                                                      7.


                            SALAZAR
              Well, Javier Rodriguez, you've done
              a very good job, but we'll take
              care of it from here.

Javier stares into the implacable reflection of his
sunglasses.  In the distance, the DC-3 takes off and ROARS
over their heads.

                            SALAZAR (CONT'D)
              We've been following these Narco-
              trafficantes for some time but had
              not been able to bring them to
              justice.
                     (to his men)
              Put the prisoners in the car.
              Impound the truck.

The men follow Salazar's orders.

                            SALAZAR (CONT'D)
                     (to Javi)
              One question.  How did you find
              about this?

                            JAVIER
              An informant.

                            SALAZAR
              What is the name of your informant?

                            JAVIER
                     (beat)
              It was an anonymous tip.

Salazar looks at Javi a beat.

                            SALAZAR
                     (to his men)
              For a State Police officer, you're
              very well informed.  Let's go.

MOMENTS LATER

Javi and Manolo watch the convoy of vehicles drive away.
Javier lights a cigarette.

                            MANOLO
              Wasn't that General Salazar?

                            JAVIER
              Yeah.

                                                                      8.


                            MANOLO
              What's he doing up here?

                            JAVIER
              I don't know.  Something.

They start for their car.

OMITTED

OMITTED

OMITTED

EXT. DEL MAR SELF-STORAGE - DAY

SUPERTITLE: SAN DIEGO

Two men, RAY CASTRO, 30's, proud, ambitious, and MONTEL
GORDON, 40's, suspicious of everyone including himself and
always, always the smartest guy in the room, walk from a
Lincoln Towncar toward a dumpy office.  Castro is talking
under his breath --

                            CASTRO
              No telltales.  Nothing to read.
              Not touching my face.  Not even
              blinking.  No giveaways.
                     (beat)
              How're you feeling?

                            GORDON
                     (keyed up)
              I feel good.

                            CASTRO
              No more pissant basin league
              bullshit for us, hunh?

                            GORDON
              Nope.

Castro stretches his arms, swings them around.

                            CASTRO
              Limbering up, gonna stay loose,
              keep it all together.  Take this
              motherfucker down.

They reach the door to the office.  Gordon looks at Castro,
then turns the handle.

                            CASTRO (CONT'D)
              Showtime.

                                                                      9.


INT. OFFICE, DEL MAR SELF-STORAGE - DAY

It's a cluttered, rundown working office unusual only in the
extent of its ordinariness.  A SECRETARY goes about her
business like a somnambulist.  CLERKS shuffle and file.

Castro switches into Spanish --

                            CASTRO
                     (in Spanish)
              Good afternoon, ladies, gentlemen.
              We're looking for Eduardo Ruiz.  We
              have a two o'clock appointment.

INT. OFFICE, DEL MAR SELF-STORAGE - LATER

In a back alcove, Castro and Gordon sit across a cheap table
from EDUARDO RUIZ, 40's, an entrepreneur in an expensive
suit and bad hairpiece.  They are waiting.

                            RUIZ
              You ever buy a quarter ton?  Not
              many people have.

Another "businessman" enters from another door and whispers
in Ruiz's ear, then leaves again.

                            RUIZ (CONT'D)
              So, it's worth the wait, right?
              What can I do?  Rent a Huey?  Have
              an airlift?  It's not like you can
              put it in a condom up some mule's
              asshole, right?  How many peasants
              would that take?  A line stretching
              from here to Mexico City --

                            GORDON
              Nobody said shit, Eduardo --

One of Ruiz's hands dips under the desk where we see a
handgun is holstered on the underside.

                            RUIZ
              Relax.  We're waiting, that's it.

                            CASTRO
              Hey, you want to hear a joke?  I
              got a joke.  Why do women wear
              makeup and perfume?

                            GORDON
              Chill out --

                                                               10.


                            CASTRO
              It's a funny fuckin' joke and it's
              quick.  Why do women wear makeup
              and perfume?

                            RUIZ
              I don't know.

                            CASTRO
              'Cause they're ugly and they stink.

Castro laughs uproariously.

INT. DEA SURVEILLANCE SPACE - DAY

ON FUZZY SURVEILLANCE VIDEO: Castro laughing.  Ruiz politely
smiling, one of his hands hidden by the table.

                            GORDON
              Man, you never been close enough to
              a woman to know how she smells.

                            DEA AGENT (V.O.)
              What's his hand doing?  Watch his
              hand.  Anybody?  I don't like the
              hand.

IN THE OFFICE

The room is filled with crappy surveillance equipment.  DEA
AGENTS, in DEA logo'd outerwear, jiggle a monitor fuzzily
displaying the view from another hidden camera: Gordon and
Ruiz around the cheap table.

                            DEA AGENT
              This is ridiculous this fucking
              thing.
                     (taps monitor)
              Look at this shit -- the first
              television transmission.  I had
              better shit when I was the AV guy
              at junior high, swear-to-God.

                            ANOTHER DEA AGENT
              Come on, Castro, pay attention.
              Watch his damn hands.

ON THE MONITOR

Another "businessman" enters the office and whispers in
Ruiz's ear.

                            RUIZ (ON MONITOR)
              Soon.

                                                               11.


Another AGENT peers out a window through binoculars.  HIS
POV: the exterior of the office where Castro, Gordon, and
Ruiz talk.

EXT. DEL MAR SELF-STORAGE, SAN DIEGO - DAY

A BLUE VAN makes a slow turn into the parking lot.

EXT. ROOF - DAY

TWO FBI AGENTS, in jackets reading "FBI," hide on an opposing
roof.  They look through high-powered binoculars.  Binocular
POV: the BLUE VAN turning into the plaza.

                            FBI AGENT #2
              All right, here we go.  The blue van.

His binocular POV detects three unmarked cars discreetly
following the van.

                            FBI AGENT #2 (CONT'D)
              Three unmarked vehicles.
                     (picks up walkie)
              Three unmarked vehicles accompanying.

The unmarked cars split up and one turns into the parking
lot of a fast-food restaurant.  The other circles around the
back of a building.

                            FBI AGENT #2 (CONT'D)
              It's local.  Local or Customs.  Oh,
              man, I don't know.  Looks like the
              cavalry.

                            FBI AGENT
              This is our show.  Ah, man.  I
              don't want to share this one.

INT. OFFICE, DEL MAR SELF-STORAGE - CONTINUOUS

Through the window Ruiz, Gordon and Castro watch the van
disappear into the bay of a storage unit.  A man is pulling
down the door behind it when three unmarked squad cars ROAR
into the lot, surrounding the unit, officers exit the cars
with their guns drawn --

Gordon and Castro stare in disbelief.

Ruiz FIRES the gun under the desk which hits Gordon full in
the chest, knocking him backwards.

Ruiz's men run into the room pulling guns.

                                                               12.


Castro dives and pulls his weapon, firing at Ruiz's men,
hitting both of them.  Ruiz bolts through another door.
Castro pursues, talking into his shirt collar --

                            CASTRO
              Agent down.  Repeat, agent down.

Gordon gets slowly to his feet, shaking off the blast to his
Kevlar, and runs after them.

EXT. DEL MAR SELF-STORAGE - DAY

The DEA are shooting at the men inside the storage unit who
are shooting back.

From all over the stake-out location, DEA AGENTS emerge
firing their weapons.  An equal number of FBI AGENTS emerge
firing in return.  Nobody was aware of the other's presence.

It's CHAOS, a clusterfuck of law-enforcement zeal with three
competing sets of good guys shouting through BULL-HORNS,
GUNSHOTS and SCREAMING.

Ruiz breaks through the corner of the lot, cutting between
two buildings.  Castro emerges and chases him.

EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

Ruiz runs out the back of the storage company.  He cuts
between parked cars, heading for The Fun Zone, a kiddie
restaurant.

INT. THE FUN ZONE - DAY

Castro enters The Fun Zone.  There's a cardboard cutout of
SPASTIC JACK, a beloved comedy figure who looks like a
rabbit version of Jar Jar Binks, promoting the "Special
Edition" glass: "Collect All Four."  There's an enclosure
filled with colored plastic balls.

The restaurant is empty except for a CLOWN filling out a
time card.  The clown stands.

                            CLOWN
              Hey dudes, we're not open yet.

Castro makes a motion for him to be quiet and keeps moving
toward the room of colored balls.

Gordon enters the restaurant and follows him.  An ANIMATRONIC
BAND starts to play a SONG.

Gordon sees a half-hidden foot buried underneath the plastic
balls at the far end of the room.

                                                               13.


He takes careful aim and FIRES.

Ruiz SCREAMS and sits up.  Castro pounces on him, disarming
him, and roughing him up.

EXT. THE FUN ZONE - DAY

Castro and Gordon shove Ruiz into the sunlight.  They wait
while their eyes adjust.

                            RUIZ
              Take me to the hospital.  I'm
              bleeding to death.

Castro shoves him forward.

ACROSS THE PARKING LOT

DEA has opened the back of the van where a quarter-ton of
cocaine is spilling out onto the pavement.

                                                 CUT TO:

INT. GUEST HOUSE - AFTERNOON

A bong hit is expelled into the air.  In the living room of
a comfortable, preppy guest house, private school TEENAGERS
party and hang-out: cigarettes in ashtrays, beer and bong on
the coffee table, loud MUSIC.

SUPERTITLE: CINCINNATI, OHIO

The TV is on with the sound off.  The curtains are closed.
The four boys wear school blazers with their ties pulled
askew, the three girls' clothing are also identical.  Some
sit on couches, some on the floor.  They are stoned.

One intense-looking boy, SETH ABRAHAMS, 17, wild curly hair
and the attitude of a young Coleridge, and a girl, CAROLINE
WAKEFIELD, 16, really sixteen which means she looks about
12, pretty and flirtatiously irreverent, sit at a desk in
front of a Powerbook G-3 playing an on-line trivia game.
Seth speaks rapidly and precisely.

                            SETH
              Father of Greek tragedy?  Anyone?
              Okay, Aeschylus it is.
                     (hits keys)
              His trilogy?  The Oresteia.  I mean
              this is beautiful, can anyone stop
              the Seth Machine?
                            (MORE)

                                                               14.


                            SETH (CONT'D)
                     (hits keys)
              Score.  Thank you.  Madmax from
              Omaha we own you.  And Tragedy is
              closed out.

Seth leans over and snorts a line of coke from a mirror.  He
hands it to Caroline who effortlessly does one.

                            CAROLINE
              Entertainment.  The Susan Lucci
              section or Banal Love Songs of the
              Nineties?

Seth looks at her.  He has a crush.

                            SETH
              Banal Love Songs it is.
                     (hits keys)
              Hey, you wanna try something?

She nods.  They both take a swig of beer.  He takes her hand
pulling her past the stoned people on the couch --

IN THE KITCHEN

Seth takes out a box of baking soda.  He tears off a square
of aluminum foil.  He takes out a spoon.  Caroline watches
as he dumps a small amount of cocaine into the spoon.  He
adds a pinch of baking soda.  He puts in a few drops of
water.  Stirs it around with the heel of a lighter.  Then
holds the flame under the spoon.

                            CAROLINE
              What are you doing?

                            SETH
                     (concentrating)
              Just watch.

He watches the substance in the spoon as it swirls and
bubbles, then separates... He pours the most viscous part
onto the aluminum foil, making four separate little puddles.

He quickly dismantles a ballpoint pen, making a straw.  He
hands it to Caroline.

                            SETH (CONT'D)
              Inhale the smoke and hold it.

                            CAROLINE
              What is this, like freebase?

                                                               15.


                            SETH
              Not like.  It is.

He lights the flame under the aluminum foil.  The puddle
crackles and pops, then starts to smoke --

                            SETH (CONT'D)
              Go...  Go!

There's a rush of thick grey smoke.  Caroline catches most
of it.

                            SETH (CONT'D)
              Hold it.

She pulls it in deeper and holds... Suddenly her expression
changes... Her eyes lose their focus, her face slackens, an
almost sexual response.  Seth is watching her intensely.

                            SETH (CONT'D)
              See... Now, you see.

Caroline slumps back against the counter.  Seth moves
against her, kissing her, running his hands over her breasts
and body.  She stares over his shoulder, holding it as long
as she can.

Finally she exhales --

                            CAROLINE
              More.

The cloud of grey smoke from her lungs fills the room.

                                                 CUT TO:

INT. WHITE HOUSE OFFICE - DAY

The White House CHIEF OF STAFF meets with Robert Wakefield.
The Chief of Staff has the floor; he always has the floor.
This is a man you do not want to disappoint.

                            CHIEF OF STAFF
              Until you officially take over the
              office of National Drug Control
              Policy, under no circumstances
              should you speak to the press
              unprotected, without going through
              this office or having someone in
              the room.  There are a lot of
              interests in this town and, right
              now, they're all scared of you.
                            (MORE)

                                                               16.


                            CHIEF OF STAFF (CONT'D)
              The reason they're scared of
              you...technically, you have veto
              power over their budgets.  So think
              about that: FBI, CIA, DEA, CUSTOMS,
              TREASURY, ATF, DEFENSE, IRS, Radio
              Shack and the DMV, they're all
              gonna want to speak to you.  And
              that's the good news... You'll also
              be meeting Senators and Congressman,
              each with a specially prepared
              question.  Their question is
              designed for one thing: to make
              them look smart.  If you lecture
              them, they won't think you respect
              them.  If you respond with utter
              humility, they will.  Remember,
              this is about your respect for
              them, and the President's respect
              for them.  Speaking of which, as
              soon as he gets back from Russia
              and China, we'll get you in there
              for some face-time, let the two of
              you catch up.
                     (beat)
              It'd probably be a good idea for
              you to meet your predecessor.  I'll
              have Jeff Sheridan take you over.
              Also, four weeks from today you
              will give your first official press
              conference.  In it you will outline
              the President's strategy for
              winning the war on drugs.
                     (beat)
              Okay, anything else?

                            ROBERT
              I'll be sure to let you know.

INT. EXECUTIVE BUILDING, WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY

Robert makes his way through a warren of hallways in the
endless corridors of the Old Executive Building alongside
JEFF SHERIDAN, 35, an enthusiastic government employee who
has found his place.

                            SHERIDAN
              I just want to be clear about one
              thing.  I used to work for him, but
              now I work for you.  I'm not a
              partisan person, I'm an issue
              person.
                            (MORE)

                                                               17.


                            SHERIDAN (CONT'D)
              In the next few weeks, if you allow
              me, we'll get you well-versed on an
              incredible array of issues.  The
              most important of which, in my
              opinion, being Mexico.  I know
              everybody that you're gonna meet.
              It's important that they like you.
              It's not important that they like
              me.  That's why I can help protect
              you.

                            ROBERT
              Like you protected Landry?

                            SHERIDAN
              I see where you're going wit that,
              but if I could just say something,
              which is basically that a guy like
              Landry is so autocratic he doesn't
              know how to let himself be helped;
              it's a point of pride to take every
              bullet, no matter who fired it, or
              whether it was even aimed at him,
              which personally I think it very
              self-defeating.  Now, don't get me
              wrong, he's a man of enormous
              integrity, but there's a political
              component to this job that the
              General just didn't have any
              patience for.

INT. OFFICE OF NATIONAL DRUG CONTROL POLICY - DAY

Robert and Sheridan enter the office of outgoing Drug Czar,
GENERAL RALPH LANDRY, 60's, buzz-cut, professional soldier
with a sense of humor.

Landry is putting some personal items in a box.

                            GENERAL LANDRY
              Jeff, you want to excuse us for a
              minute?

Sheridan nods and leaves.

                            GENERAL LANDRY (CONT'D)
                     (bemused, off
                     Sheridan's exit)
              Functionaries.  Nice people, the
              Schedule C's.  About twelve graduate
              degrees apiece, but it seems
              sometimes all they do is start
              rumors.

                                                               18.


Robert and Landry shake hands.

                            ROBERT
              You've done a fine job here, Sir.
              The Office of National Drug Control
              Policy is in better shape than when
              you found it.

Landry tries to determine whether Robert believes this.  He
looks around the office as if the policy is hiding somewhere.

                            GENERAL LANDRY
              I'm not sure I made the slightest
              difference.
                     (wistful)
              I tried...  I really did.

                            ROBERT
              There are a lot of encouraging
              statistics.  The work's just
              started, but I intend to see it
              through.  You've got my word on that.

                            GENERAL LANDRY
              You're here for two years, three
              maximum.  What'd they promise you?
              Court appointment?  What?  District?
              Appeals?
                     (checks Robert's reaction)
              Not Supreme... Supreme?

                            ROBERT
              I've come in to do a tough job and
              that's what I'm going to focus on.

General Landry SIGHS.

                            GENERAL LANDRY
              When Kruschev was forced out, he
              sat down and wrote two letters and
              handed them to his successor.  He
              said "When you get into a situation
              you can't get out of, open the
              first letter and you'll be saved.
              And when you get into another
              situation you can't get out of,
              open the second."  Soon enough this
              guy found himself in a tight place.
              So he opened the first letter.  It
              said, "Blame everything on me."  So
              he blamed the old guy and it worked
              like a charm.
                       &nbs