by

John Hughes

This script is not for publication or reproduction.

No one is authorized to dispose of same. It lost

or destroyed, please notify Script Department.

Property of:

PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION SHOOTING SCRIPT

5555 Melrose Avenue July 24, 1985

Los Angeles, California 90038

Copyright 1985 Paramount Pictures Corporation

"FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF"

1 BLACK SCREEN 1

MAIN TITLES

IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD

IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS.

KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG

BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE

YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY

LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL

LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A

SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS.

FATHER'S VOICE (TOM)

Where's my wallet?!

SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD)

YOU IDIOT!!

TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY)

MOM!

TODD

SHUT-UP!

EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE)

I NEED A TOWEL!!

TOM

JOYCE!

KIMBERLY

(whispers, sadistic)

When you turn ten, your head's going

to swell up real big like a watermelon

and we're going to have to put you

to sleep like they do with a dog.

TODD

MOM!

TOM

JOYCE!!

JEANIE

WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!!

TOM

Where's Mom?

TODD

Is my head going to swell up?

TOM

What?!

JEANIE

OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!!

MOTHER (JOYCE)

(screams)

TOM!

The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering

through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP.

TODD

What's that?

KIMBERLY

Wait! Hold still!

TODD

What?!

KIMBERLY

You heads starting to swell up!!

Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running

through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the

hallway. A door open.

TOM

(breathless)

What's the matter?

JOYCE

(worried)

It's Ferris!

TOM

What's wrong?

JOYCE

(snaps)

What's wrong? For Christ's sake!

Look at him!

2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2

An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA.

His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat

and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side.

3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3

Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at

bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties.

Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed

for work.

TOM

Ferris?

JOYCE

He doesn't have a fever. But he says

his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.

4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4

His lifeless eyes blink.

5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5

Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead.

TOM

What's the matter, Ferris?

JOYCE

Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.

Tom takes one of Ferris' hands.

TOM

(discreetly)

Should you call the doctor?

JOYCE

(whispers)

He doesn't want me to.

TOM

Why don't you want Mom to call

the doctor?

Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can

manage is a choked gasp.

TOM

What?

Ferris tries again.

FERRIS

(raspy)

Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up.

He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down.

FERRIS

I have a test today. I have to take it.

I want to get into a good college

so I can have a fruitful life...

JOYCE

You're not going to school like

this.

(to Tom)

Maybe I should call the office and

tell them I won't be in.

FERRIS

I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God!

He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes.

His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed

for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill.

JEAN

Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem?

JOYCE

He doesn't feel well.

JEAN

Yeah, right. Dry that one out

and you can fertilize the lawn.

TOM

That's enough, Jeanie.

JEANIE

You're not falling for this, are you?

Tell me you're not falling for this.

FERRIS

Is that Jeanie? I can't see that

far. Jeanie?

JEANIE

Pucker up and squat, Ferris.

JOYCE

(annoyed)

Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school.

JEANIE

(angry, defeated)

You're really letting him stay home?

I can't believe this. If I was bleeding

out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to

school. It's so unfair.

FERRIS

Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie.

Be thankful that you're fit and have

your health. Cherish it.

JEANIE

(to herself)

Oh, I wanna puke.

She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She

slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister,

KIMBERLY peek into the room.

KIMBERLY

Myocardial infarction?

JOYCE

Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right

down.

KIMBERLY

Syphilitic meningitus? That would be

a huge family embarrassment.

TOM

Get downstairs!

KIMBERLY

If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo.

She turns sharply and exits.

TODD

(worried)

Dad? Does my head look alright?

JOYCE

Get downstairs! Now!

TODD

Just answer me one question! Is it

swelling up? Kim said it was going

to get as big as...

KIMBERLY (OC)

A WATERMELON!

TODD

(yells out the room)

Shut-up!

JOYCE

Get downstairs! NOW!

Todd backs out of the room.

FERRIS

I'll be okay. I'll just sleep.

Maybe I'll have an aspirin around

noon.

JOYCE

(to Ferris)

I'm showing houses to the family

from California today but I'll be in

the area. My office'll know where

I am, if you need me.

TOM

I'll check it with you, too.

FERRIS

It's nice to know I have such

loving, caring parents. You're

both very special people.

6 CU. FERRIS 6

He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.

7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7

She strokes Ferris' hair.

JOYCE

I hope you feel better, pumpkin.

She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his

shoulder.

TOM

Get some rest.

8 CU. FERRIS 8

Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents

to the door.

JOYCE (OC)

We love you, sweetie.

TOM (OC)

Call if you need us.

They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift

from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across

his lips.

FERRIS

They bought it.

The MTV theme music ROARS IN.

9 CU. TV SCREEN 9

The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing.

10 INT. BEDROOM 10

Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom

disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight.

FERRIS

Incredible! One of the worst performances

of my career and they never doubted it

for a second.

(looks out the window)

What a beautiful day!

He turns from the window.

FERRIS

Parents always fall for the clammy hands.

It's physical evidence of illness. It's

a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are

generally pretty hip to the fever scams.

And to make them work you have to go a hundred

and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous

mother and you end up in a doctor's office

and that's worse than school.

He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV

broadcast. A NEW SONG begins.

FERRIS

Fake a stomach cramp and when you're

doubled over, moaning and wailing, just

lick your palms. It's a little stupid

and childish but then so if high school.

Right?

He equalizes the sound a little.

FERRIS

This is my ninth sick day with semester.

If I go for ten, I'm probably going to

have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely

must make this one count.

He exits into the hallway.

11 INT. BATHROOM 11

Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's

debris. He turns on the shower water.

FERRIS

I don't care if you're fifty five

or seven, everybody needs a day off

now and then. It's a beautiful day.

How can I be expected to handle

high school?

He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops

up.

FERRIS

I do actually have a test. That wasn't

bullshit.

He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the

shower door we see Ferris' outline.

FERRIS

That I care about it was.

12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12

Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up.

It's moulded into a fin with shampoo.

FERRIS

It's on European socialism. I mean,

really. What's the point? I'm not

European. I don't plan to be European.

So, who gives a shit if they're socialists?

They could be fascist anarchists and it

still wouldn't change the fact that I

don't own a car.

He turns the shower head around and uses it like a

microphone.

FERRIS

(sings)

WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY,

TWIST AND SHOUT...

13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13

Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around

his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different

color.

FERRIS

Not that I condone fascism. Or

and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion

are not good. A person should not

believe in an "ism". He should

believe in himself. John Lennon

said it on his first solo album.

"I don't believe in Beatles, I

just believe in me." A good point

there. Afterall, he was the Walrus.

He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it.

FERRIS

I could be the Walrus and I'd still

have to bum rides off people.

He passes CAMERA and goes into his room.

FERRIS (OC)

I'm not very political? Let me

put that into perspective...

14 INT. BEDROOM 14

Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed.

FERRIS

My uncle went to Canada to protest

the war, right? On the Fourth of

July he was down with my aunt and he

got drunk and told my Dad he felt

guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam.

So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle

Jeff? In wartime you want to be a

pacifist and in peacetime you want

to be a soldier. It took you twenty

years to find out you don't believe

in anything?"

(snaps his fingers)

Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks.

(pause)

Be careful when you deal with old

hippies. They can be real touchy.

He opens his door.

15 INT. CLOSET 15

The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts.

FERRIS

My mother was a hippie. But she

lost it. She got old. If she listens

to the White Album now? She doesn't hear

music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is

her favorite drug. It'll probably be

mine, too. I hope not.

He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and

puts it on. He drops the towel.

16 INT. BEDROOM 16

He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his

underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the

top of the dresser. He picks it up.

FERRIS

In eighth grade a friend of mine

made a bong out of one of these.

The smoke tasted like glue.

He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he

speaks.

FERRIS

His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a

serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I

like him. I'm probably his only friend.

I do what I can for him. I mean, if

I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others,

right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station.

His father's dead and his sister's rumored

to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit.

She only puts out so people will hang out

with her. It's sad but I don't hold it

against her. Better to hold it against the

guys who use her and don't care about her.

(pause)

My parents never allowed Garth over here.

It was because of his family. Mainly his

older brother. He's in jail. I could see them

not wanting his brother here because he is

a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here.

I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of

artificial fruit just so he could see what

it was like to have his stomach pumped.

But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault

that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights

with the parents on that point. I always felt

for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once

and I was laying on the dark worrying that

his brother was going to come in and hack me

to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying.

I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing".

... Nothing was wrong. There was no

specific thing he was crying about.

In fact, he wasn't really even aware that

he was crying. He just cried himself to

sleep every night. It was a habit. The

guy's so conditioned to grief that if

he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How

could you possibly dump on guy who has to

deal with that kinda shit? My parents

acknowledge the trudge of the situation

and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel

for him but still the guy's banned from

our house.

He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet

door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his

speech as he disrobes.

FERRIS

Unfortunately, now my parents have a

legit argument. Garth doesn't need his

brother to give him a rep anymore. He's

getting one on his own. He's lost. It's

over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from

school. Gone from life. His legacy is

a gas station.

17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17

Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely

different outfit.

FERRIS

One very serious danger is playing

sick is that it's possible to believe

your own act.

18 INT. KITCHEN 18

Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the

refrigerator.

FERRIS

That and boredom. Alot of people

ditch and feel great for about an

hour. Then they realize there's

nothing to do. TV and food. I myself

have ditched and gotten so bored I

did homework. Figure that shit out.

He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice.

FERRIS

You have to plan things out before

you take the day off. Otherwise

you get all nervous worrying about

what to do and all you get is grief

and the whole point is to take it

easy, cut loose and enjoy.

He crosses to the pantry.

FERRIS

You blow your day and at about three

o'clock, when everybody's out of school,

you're going to wish you'd gone to

school so you could be out having

fun.

He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos.

FERRIS

Avoid the misery. Plan your day.

Do it right.

19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19

Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair.

FERRIS

There's alot of pressure at work

in my age group. And it's not always

recognized.

He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in

his lap.

FERRIS

Some guy whose hair is falling out

and his stomach's hanging over his

belt and everything he eats makes

him fart, he looks at someone like

me and thinks, "This kid's young and

strong and has a full, rich future ahead

of him, what's he got to bitch about?"

20 CU. PHONE 20

He punches out a number.

21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21

He remote controls the TV on.

FERRIS

That's just one reason why I need a

day off every now and then.

22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22

A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A

prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER.

23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23

It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn

with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the

counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying

in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a

thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY

SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words.

CAMERON

Food...shelter...no...yes...

The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker

phone button.

CAMERON

(weak)

Hello?

FERRIS' VOICE

Cameron! What's happening?

CAMERON

Very little.

FERRIS' VOICE

How do you feel?

CAMERON

Shredded.

FERRIS' VOICE

Is your mother in the room?

Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth.

CAMERON

She's not home. Where are you?

FERRIS' VOICE

Home.

24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24

Ferris is sprawled out in the chair.

FERRIS

I'm taking the day off. Get

dressed and come over.

CAMERON'S VOICE

I can't. I'm sick.

FERRIS

It's all in your head. Come on over.

25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25

Cameron's insistant.

CAMERON

I feel like complete shit, Ferris.

I can't go anywhere.

FERRIS' VOICE

I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come

on over and pick me up.

Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone.

CAMERON

I'm dying.

The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button.

FERRIS' VOICE

You're not dying. You just can't think

of anything good to do.

26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26

Ferris hangs up.

FERRIS

If anybody needs a day off, it's

Cameron. He has alot of things to

sort out before he graduates. He

can't be wound this tight and go

to college. His roommate'll kill

him. I've come close myself. But I

like him. He's a little easier to

take when you know why he's like he

is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon

by French but Cameron is so tight

that if you stuck a lump of coal up

his ass, in two weeks you'd have a

diamond.

(after-thought)

And Cameron would worry that he'd

owe taxes on it.

27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27

We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A

shoe's POV.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Albers?

BOY'S VOICE

Here.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Anderson.

GIRL'S VOICE

Here.

CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush

Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow

Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine

loafers...

TEACHER'S VOICE

Anheiser?

BOY'S VOICE

Here.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Busch?

GIRL'S VOICE

Here.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Bueller?

CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that

it's empty.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Bueller?

GIRL'S VOICE

He's sick.

(pause)

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's

brother's girlfriend heard from this

guy who knows this kid who's going

with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out

at 31 Flavors last night. I guess

it's pretty serious.

TEACHER'S VOICE

(weary)

Thank you, Simone.

GIRL'S VOICE

(cheery)

No problem whatsoever.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Drucker?

BOY'S VOICE

What?

WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD.

28 CU. TV 28

THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase

at the end.

INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS

He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war

wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches

down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve.

CU. TV

Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve.

He gives it a twist.

CU. FERRIS

He throws himself back against the chair.

CU. TV

The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws

Humongous back in his seat.

CU. FERRIS

He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high

speed ride.

CU. TV

The was wagon hurtles down the road.

CU. FERRIS

He rears back in horror.

CU. TV

The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the

tanker truck.

CU. FERRIS

Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision.

CU. TV

IMPACT!

MOZART COMES UP.

29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29

Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch.

Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE

ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen.

Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is

sitting on her bed going through a purse.

FERRIS

This is really degrading.

He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill.

FERRIS

Financing my activities this way.

Very damaging to the self-image.

But, hey, I'm broke. In times of

crisis one must to what one must

to. I'll pay it back. With interest.

He comes up with a five.

FERRIS

Regardless of how much shit sisters

make you eat, how often they rat on

you, how gross they act or how wicked

and insensitive they can be, you should

not alientate them. Because most likely

they have cash and it's usually very easy

to get your hands on.

He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY"

COMES UP.

30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30

The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions.

CU. SOFA

Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice.

31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31

Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another

crumpled bill surfaces.

32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32

A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone

through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops

them up.

33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33

An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A

ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A

screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and

pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing.

34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34

Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a

dollar bill.

35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35

The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the

quarters are being popped out of their slots.

36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36

The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the

floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth.

37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37

It's being shaken furiously.

38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38

It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp,

new five.

39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39

The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets

of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of

Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face

lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door.

40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40

Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm

reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed.

41 CU. BANK 41

It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door

and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading

cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally,

a five dollar bill.

42 INT. KITCHEN 42

Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table.

43 CU. TABLE LEG 43

Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used

to balance the table.

44 INT. KITCHEN 44

Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter.

45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45

A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The

SONG ENDS.

46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46

A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town.

47 INT. OFFICE 47

Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN.

They're also real estate agents.

JOYCE

No one's going to consider a

house with a black living room.

Not even those jerks from Vermont.

Let's be realistic.

AGENT 1

Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against

putting any money into the house.

Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call.

JOYCE

Joyce Bueller.

Her eyes open wide with alarm.

JOYCE

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I

completely forgot to call.

48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48

A modern, suburban high school.

MAN'S VOICE

Are you aware that your son is not

in school today?

49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49

It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students.

JOYCE'S VOICE

Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I

had a meeting first thing this

morning. I should have called. It

completely slipped my mind.

50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50

A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside

the office.

DEAN'S VOICE

Are you also aware that Ferris does not

have what we consider an exemplary

attendance record?

51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51

It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's

feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced

dress shoes.

JOYCE'S VOICE

I don't understand.

DEAN'S VOICE

I just had his file up.

INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN

ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and

straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and

tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point

of arrogance.

ROONEY

I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller.

Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from

the desk and turns in his swivel chair.

ROONEY

If Ferris thinks he coast this last

month and still graduate, he's sorely

mistaken.

JOYCE'S VOICE

This is all news to me.

CU. COMPUTER MONITOR

The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records.

ROONEY'S VOICE

So far this semester alone, he's been

absent nine times. Including today.

JOYCE'S VOICE

Nine times?

Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a

number 2.

INT. OFFICE

Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen.

ROONEY

I have it right here in front of me. He's

missed...

He looks closer at the screen.

52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52

Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up

on the screen.

FERRIS

I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's

that for being born under a bad sign?

53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53

She's still on the phone with Rooney.

JOYCE

I can give you every assurance that

Ferris is home and that he is, in

fact, very ill. I debated whether

or not I should even leave him.

I can appreciate that at this time

of year children are prone to taking

the day off, but in Ferris' case,

he's truly a very sick boy.

54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54

MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR.

CU. SPEAKER

The grille cloth is throbbing.

CU. LED METERS

The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone.

CU. TV MONITOR

We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck.

He's playing.

CU. VIDEO CAMERA

A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape.

55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55

He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He

sighs deeply and fall back on the bed.

56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56

Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A

GIRLFRIEND comes up to her.

GIRL

I'm really sorry about your brother.

JEANIE

What're you sorry for? I have to live

with the trouser snake.

GIRL

No, I mean I heard he's really sick.

JEANIE

Who said he's sick.

GIRL

A whole bunch of people. They said

he's like on the verge of death.

Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl.

GIRL

This guy in my biology class said

that if Ferris dies he's giving

his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's

really sweet isn't he?

She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment.

She kicks her locker shut.

57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57

He's in bed on the phone.

FERRIS

A sample of my blood was sent

to Atlanta to the Center for

Disease Control. I don't know,

man, I'm bricking heavily.

(point to the

phone)

Freshman.

(to the phone)

Did you see Alien? When the guy

had the creature in his stomach?

It feels like that.

58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58

A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES

are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.

BOY

Goddamn! Are you kidding?

SECOND BOY

What?

BOY

Did you see Alien?

SECOND BOY

No.

BOY

You never rented the video cassette?

Second boy shakes his head, no.

BOY

Oh. He's really wasted.

THIRD BOY

(to the Second Boy)

Who's he talking to?

SECOND BOY

Ferris Bueller. You know him?

THIRD BOY

(excited)

Yeah. He's getting me out of summer

school.

BOY

Anyway, I appreciate you letting us

know how you're doing. We gotta split.

(pause)

Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on.

SECOND BOY

(to Third Boy)

Shit. I hope he doesn't die.

I can't handle summer school.

The boy snatches a passing GIRL.

BOY

Did you see Alien?

GIRL

Yeah, why?

He hands her the phone.

GIRL

Hello?

(pause)

Who?

(pause)

Hi, Ferris. How's your bod?

(jaw drops)

Oh, my God! You're dying?

Is it serious?

(pause)

Shiit! Are you upset?

59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59

Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His

SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder.

ROONEY

I don't trust this kid any further

than I can throw him!

SECRETARY

With your bad knee, you better

not throw anybody, Ed.

Rooney stares at her for a long beat.

ROONEY

What's so dangerous about a character

like Ferris Bueller is that he gives

the good kids bad ideas. The last thing

I need at this point in my career is

fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples

running around these halls.

SECRETARY

He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads,

geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers,

richies, they all adore him.

ROONEY

That's exactly why I have to catch him

this time. To show these kids that the

example he sets is a first class ticket

to nowhere.

SECRETARY

(impressed)

Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just

now.

Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile.

ROONEY

Really?

He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint.

60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60

It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives

past the house.

61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61

He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little

MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude.

FERRIS

Cameron, if you're not over here

in fifteen minutes, you can find

a new best friend. I'm serious, man.

This is bullshit, making me wait

around the house for you.

62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62

Cameron's back in bed.

CAMERON

I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't

you leave me alone?

FERRIS' VOICE

You're not up for some good times?

It's a beautiful day. It's almost

summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be

surfing.

63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63

He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness.

FERRIS

You want to stay home and try

to have the shits? Try to barf?

Try to feel worse?

CAMERON'S VOICE

I don't have to try.

FERRIS

Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol

and get dressed. You're boring me

with this stuff.

The other phone line rings.

FERRIS

Squeeze you buns for a second. I

got another call.

He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers

the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath.

FERRIS

H--hell-o?

64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64

A LaSalle Street office tower.

TOM'S VOICE

Ferris?

65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65

He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman

Miller desk and chair.

TOM

You sound miserable.

FERRIS' VOICE

Really? Darn! I thought I was improving.

TOM

Were you sleeping?

FERRIS' VOICE

I was trying to do some homework.

66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66

A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making.

FERRIS (OC)

I'm so worried about falling behind.

INT. FERRIS' ROOM

He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke.

FERRIS

Dad? Can you hold on a second?

TOM'S VOICE

Sure, pal. Are you alright?

FERRIS

Just a little phlegm on the phone.

Hold on.

He puts his father on hold.

FERRIS

Cameron? It's my Dad.

CAMERON'S VOICE

Oh, that's just great. Are you busted?

FERRIS

It's completely cool. He's just

checking up on me. Now, listen to

me. I'm working on getting some

heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you

can do is hurry up and get over here.

Bye.

He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to

his sick voice.

FERRIS

Sorry, Dad. The moment before you

called, I had a chest spasm and I

blew lung fluid all over the place.

It was making me ill looking at it.

But gee, it's sure great of you to call.

I'm sure there're alot of fathers

who wouldn't take time out from

their busy schedules to call a dumb,

sick teenager.

TOM'S VOICE

Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do?

Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The

screen dumps the drawing.

FERRIS

Give yourself some credit, Dad. It

was a mammoth gesture. It's like those

savings bonds you used to give me

every Christmas.

(looks at CAMERA and smiles)

It was that kind of concern.

CU. COMPUTER SCREEN

A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA".

INT. FERRIS' ROOM

He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the

desk. He lights a cigarette.

FERRIS

You had to work hard for the money

to buy those things, right?

TOM'S VOICE

Not any harder than anybody else.

Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them.

67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67

Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard.

Pedestrians stop to look.

68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68

He blows a smoke ring.

FERRIS

You work so hard I'll bet you don't

even remember where those bonds are,

right?

Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father.

TOM'S VOICE

Wrong.

He nods.

FERRIS

Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're

just trying to cheer me up.

TOM'S VOICE

Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox

in my closet.

Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what

he wants.

FERRIS

(to CAMERA, normal

voice)

Was that a class move or what?

The guy gave it up faster than

a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my

kids don't pull this shit on me.

(thinks)

Of course, if they didn't, they'd

be dumb and abnormal and they'd

probably never move out of my

house and I'd have to support them

until I die. I take it back.

(to the phone,

sick voice)

Dad? All this talking has made me

kind of light-headed. I think

I better lie down.

TOM'S VOICE

Okay, pal. You take care. I'll

call you after lunch.

FERRIS

You don't have to, Dad.

TOM'S VOICE

I want to. Bye now.

He hangs up. Ferris sighs.

FERRIS

You win some, you lose some.

He turns his desk chair around and gets up.

FERRIS

I'm so disappointed in Cameron.

Twenty bucks says he's sitting

in his car debating about whether

or not he should go out.

69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69

He's sitting behind the wheel of his car.

CAMERON

We're gonna get caught. No doubt

about it.

He cuts the engine.

CAMERON

I'm not doing it.

He sits for half a beat.

CAMERON

He'll keep calling until I come

over.

He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat.

CAMERON

Actually, what'll happen is I'll

get caught. Ferris'll escape.

Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC.

70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70

Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened

slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC

STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater.

INT. FERRIS' ROOM

He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for

the pictorials as he speaks.

FERRIS

Cameron'll go on like that for a

good thirty minutes. The guy

is a shellfish when it comes to

making a decision. The reason

he doesn't fell good is, he

worries about everything. He's

the only guy I know who's deeply

concerned that when he grows up

there'll be a critical shortage

of strategic metals.

He exits the room.

71 INT. HALLWAY 71

Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway.

FERRIS

Cameron's also the only guy

I know who knows what strategic

metals are.

(waves the magazine)

Pardon moi.