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DROP DEAD GORGEOUS

       FADE IN:

       EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - MINNESOTA - DAY

       Vintage black and white stock footage of some farms and 
       farmhouses.

                                                       DISSOLVE TO:

       EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

       Color footage of cotton fields passing by.  We FREEZE and

                                                    FADE TO BLACK.

       TITLE WIPES IN:

                  1995 MARKED THE FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY

                OF THE NATION'S OLDEST BEAUTY CONTEST...

        THE SARAH ROSE COSMETICS AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS PAGEANT

                  A DOCUMENTARY FILM CREW WAS SENT TO 

                       A SMALL TOWN IN MINNESOTA 

                     TO COMMEMORATE THIS OCCASSION.

       INT. PAGEANT AUDITORIUM - MOUNT ROSE - DAY

       Vintage blue-toned stock footage of a teenage beauty 
       pageant contestant.  LEGS WIPE IN.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER 
                           (O.S.)
                 Sarah Rose knows you're a beautiful 
                 person....

       Blue-toned stock footage of a long row of beauty pageant 
       contestants on stage.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 Sarah Rose knows you have an unusual 
                 talent.  Sarah Rose knows you're a 
                 teenage girl.

       Blue-toned stock footage of the row of contestants 
       parading down some steps from the stage as CAMERA TILTS 
       DOWN.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 Mmm, and she definitely knows that you 
                 are ready for the ultimate teen 
                 glamour.

       ROUSING PATRIOTIC MUSIC.  FAST PACED CUTS feature SMILING 
       TEENAGE CONTESTANTS dancing and waving American flags.  
       APPLAUSE!

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER 
                           (cont'd)
                 The American Teen Princess Pageant.

       Each contestant wears a BANNER ACROSS her dress reading: 
       AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 And now, a few words...

       ANGLE ON

       Contestants DROP, ROLL and form a STAR.  CHEERS!

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 ...from last year's host, Mr. Adam 
                 West.

                           ADAM WEST
                 The American Teen Princess Pageant has 
                 been enriching the lives of American-
                 made girls since 1945.

       TITLES FADE ON SCREEN: Adam West, TV's Batman, then FADE 
       OUT.

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                 The American Teen Princess Pageant 
                 provides personal growth, scholarship, 
                 travel, and you...

       Numerous contestants stand up in SHOT and SURROUND ADAM.

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                 ...might even meet a few celebrities.  
                 At the national level, thousands of 
                 seventeen year-old girls like 
                 yourselves. and compete around the 
                 country in places like:

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER 
                           (O.S.)
                 Beautiful Mount Rose, Minnesota.

                           ADAM WEST
                 And make it all the way here to 
                 Lincoln, Alabama, to compete for the 
                 title of American Teen Princess.

       LIGHTS come UP on the teenaged girls in the pageant as 
       they pause.  As they WAVE AMERICAN FLAGS.  Adam West 
       turns back to the camera.

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                 And now, a few words from last year's 
                 host, Mr. Adam West.

       Contestants strike a pose around him.  THUNDEROUS CANNED 
       APPLAUSE!

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                     (pointing to camera)
                 So, which one of you will it b--

       SCREEN SUDDENLY STATIC.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY

       SCENE from "DAYS OF OUR LIVES"

       PULL BACK to reveal the VIDEO is on a TV in front of a 
       GROUP OF SEVENTEEN YEAR-OLD GIRLS, sitting in gym 
       bleachers.

       [NOTE: The film is shot documentary style.  PEOPLE ARE 
       REAL.  Their lives revolve around this pageant.  All 
       speak with a THICK MINNESOTA ACCENT.]

       THREE "CIVIL SERVETTES," the local women's group.  
       [Picture unattractive Stepford Wives in matching 
       windbreakers] stand beside GLADYS LEEMAN, 34, president.  
       She STOPS THE VIDEO.

                           GLADYS LEEMAN
                 Good God, Iris, you taped your shows 
                 over it.

                           IRIS
                 Sorry.

       Gladys turns to the GIRLS in the bleachers.

       SUPER:  MOUNT ROSE, MINNESOTA   POPULATION: 5,076

                           GLADYS LEEMAN
                 Now ladies, the rest of the tape - 
                 which is now gone forever - goes on 
                 about startin' this great American 
                 journey we call American Teen 
                 Princess...Yah-so, any of you young 
                 ladies who'd like to start on that 
                 journey, you just come right down here 
                 and sign up.  And please...help 
                 yourselves to some coffee and bars...

                                                    SMASH EDIT TO:

       Gladys seated with middle-aged women.

                           GLADYS
                 Showtime.

       SUPER: GLADYS LEEMAN, LOCAL CHAIRMAN, PAGEANT ORGANIZING 
       COMMITTEE.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 Do you think that most people would 
                 say that teenage beauty pageants are a 
                 good idea?

                           GLADYS
                 Oh yah-sure, I know what some of your 
                 big city, no bra wearin', hairy-legged 
                 women's libbers say, "Pageants are old-
                 fashioned" and, uh, and "demeaning" to 
                 the girls --

                           IRIS
                     (jumping in)
                 What's sick is women dressin' like 
                 men!

       Civil Servettes stare at her a beat.

                           GLADYS
                 Uh... You betcha, Iris.
                     (quickly, back to camera)
                 Yah-I think yous boys'll find that 
                 things are different here in Mount 
                 Rose...

       Civil Servettes AD-LIB AGREEMENT.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 For one thing, y'know, we're God 
                 fearin' folk - every last one of us...

       Civil Servettes AD-LIB AGREEMENT.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 You won't find a back room in our 
                 video store...

       Servettes AD-LIB "AMEN.  YAH-YOU BETCHA." etc.

                           GLADYS (cont'd) (V.O.)
                 ...that filth is better left in the 
                 "Sin Cities."

                           IRIS
                 A.k.a. Minneapolis - St. Paul.

       PULL AWAY from MINNEAPOLIS SKYLINE to COUNTRYSIDE.

       EXT. QUAINT MAIN STREET

       The camera drives down the street.

       EXT. PICTURESQUE MIDDLE-CLASS NEIGHBORHOODS

       The camera drives down the street.

       EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE

       A HAPPY FAMILY raises the AMERICAN FLAG.

       EXT. SUBURBAN DRIVEWAY

       BURLY GUYS look up from washing a FORD TRUCK.

       EXT. TRAILER PARK

       Sign next to it reads: "Welcome to Mount Rose, Home of 
       Freda Klinghagen, Minnesota's Oldest Living Lutheran" 
       complete with a photo of the extremely old woman smiling 
       and waving.

       EXT. CREW VAN

       An ELDERLY COUPLE looks in the passenger window of the 
       van.

                           ELDERLY MAN (MAYOR)
                 Oh, yah-sure, Freda, yah.  She was the 
                 oldest livin' Lutheran.  Now she's 
                 dead as a doornail.  It's them damn 
                 Shriners who ain't taken that Goddamn 
                 sign down yet - those lazy sons-a-
                 bitches... 
                 I tells kem, I tells kem every goddamn 
                 year, "Take the Goddamn Freda sign 
                 down, you lazy sons-a-bitches!"

       SUPER: MAYOR OF MOUNT ROSE

       INT. GLADYS' VAN - DAY

       Through the window a family waves to Gladys.

       EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

       Two BOYS play basketball in the driveway of their home.

       EXT. FRONT LAWN - DAY

       SMALL CHILDREN in bathing suits play on a lawn.  A boy 
       shoots his water pistol.

       INT. LEEMAN STATION WAGON - AFTERNOON

       Civil Servettes and crew are piled in.  Gladys drives.

                           GLADYS
                 ...Today's "To Do" list includes a 
                 trip to the Mall of America.  We need 
                 outfits for the "Physical Fitness" 
                 number --

                           IRIS
                 Nothin' too showy!

                           GLADYS
                 Y'betcha, Iris.  We still need a third 
                 judge and we need to think of a theme.

       Servettes react with pleasure.

                           IRIS
                 Gladys -- Gladys!  Look out!

       A CAR SWERVES.

                           GLADYS
                 Oh, my!
                     (waving out window)
                 Hello, Father Donigan!  Sidewalks, 
                 sidewalks?

       Iris mimes drinking, "glug, glug."

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 Iris, stop!
                     (to camera)
                 It's not his fault.  The communal wine 
                 just proves too temptin' for some of 
                 them.

                           IRIS
                 That's why we Lutherans use grape 
                 Koolaid for the blood of Christ.

       EXT. MALL OF AMERICA

       In the vast, already full parking lot, we see Gladys 
       Leeman's station wagon searching for a parking spot.

                           IRIS
                 Oh, there's a parking space over 
                 there.  Oh, no, that's just a compact.  
                 Sorry.

                           GLADYS
                 You'd think they'd build the parking 
                 lot of America to go with the Mall of 
                 America!

       Gladys pulls into a HANDICAPPED SPOT.  Servettes and 
       CAMERA stand outside the car.  Iris points at the sign.

                           IRIS
                 It's a two-hundred dollar fine!

                           GLADYS
                 I said I'd move if a cripple came.  
                 Let's just run in the store and pick 
                 out some outfits.

                           IRIS
                 All right, let's go.

       EXT. MALL OF AMERICA PARKING LOT

       Iris and another Servette start to get out of the car.

                           GLADYS
                 Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! 
                 Wait!  I just thought of the theme.

       Iris and the Servette stop.

                           IRIS
                 Oh!  What is it?

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 "Proud...to be...an...American."

       Servettes react with pleasure.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. MOA PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 So what was the theme of the pageant 
                 last year?

                           GLADYS
                 Last year?  It was, "Buy American."

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 And the year before that?

                           GLADYS
                 "U.S.A. is A-okay."

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 Can you remember the theme of your 
                 favorite pageant?

                           GLADYS
                 "Can I?  I'm Amer-I-Can!"  People ask 
                 me where I get this.  I don't know, 
                 it's...maybe a gift from God or 
                 somethin'.

       INT. MOUNT ROSE HIGH - GYM - DAY

       PAN DOWN row of EIGHT GIRLS signing up and eating bars.

       SUPER: LOCAL PAGEANT REGISTRATION, MOUNT ROSE HIGH SCHOOL

       ANGLE ON

       LESLIE MILLER - sexy/peppy girl in CHEERLEADING UNIFORM.

                           LESLIE MILLER
                 ...Hi.
                     (giggles)
                 I'm Leslie Miller.  I'm signin' up 
                 kcause-ah, y'know, I always watch 
                 pageants on the TV and my boyfriend 
                 thinks I'll win.

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #3, LESLIE MILLER

       She makes "gills" on the sides of her head with her 
       hands.

                           LESLIE MILLER (cont'd)
                 For my talent, I'm gonna be doing 
                 the..

       Two FOOTBALL PLAYERS interrupt: PAT, her boyfriend, and 
       BRETT, who smiles and gives a nod to Amber.  Pat grabs 
       Leslie and kisses her hard.

                           LESLIE (cont'd)
                 Uh, Pat, I'm trying to tell themabout 
                 my...Oh...

       Hormones take over and they lock lips again.  She wraps 
       her legs around him.  He feels up her ass.  They continue 
       groping as her Washington Monument slips off.

                                                            CUT TO:

       Leslie waves and blows kisses while performing a 
       cheerleader chant.

                           LESLIE MILLER (cont'd)
                 Hi, Pat!  Go, Muskies!  Whoo!

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM

       AMBER ATKINS - naturally pretty blonde, sweet as sugar 
       pie, stares into camera like a deer caught in headlights.

                           AMBER ATKINS
                     (suddenly looking O.C.)
                 Hi, I-I'm Amber Atkins and, um, I'm 
                 signin' up k'cause, ah, my two 
                 favorite people in the world competed.  
                 My mom and Diane Sawyer...Course I 
                 hope I end up a little more like Diane 
                 Sawyer than my mom...

       She flashes a GRIN, we melt.

       INT. FUNERAL HOME/EMBALMING ROOM - DAY

       Amber tap-dances as she applies make-up to a MALE CORPSE.

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #1, AMBER ATKINS

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 Do you do any of the, uh, embalming?

                           AMBER
                     (laughing)
                 Oh, my God, no.  Oh, God.  I just do 
                 the hair and makeup on the deceased.

       EXT. ROAD - DAY

       Amber tap dances at the side of the road as traffic 
       passes.

                           AMBER (V.O.)
                 I'm lucky I have an after-school job 
                 where I can practice my talent.

       EXT. MOA PARKING LOT - DAY

                           GLADYS
                 Oh, yeah, sure.  You know, every 
                 pageant is special, but this one is 
                 extra-special to me.  When I was 
                 seventeen, I don't know if you know 
                 this, but I was crowned Mount Rose's 
                 American Teen Princess.  And this 
                 year...drum roll please, my lovely 
                 daughter, Rebecca Ann Leeman is 
                 competin'.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL
       REBECCA LEEMAN stands in front of Amber and addresses the 
       camerman (O.S.).

                           BECKY
                 Is this my mark?
                     (it is)
                 Hi, I'm Rebecca Leeman.  And I believe 
                 this pageant is an important 
                 experience for every young woman.  It, 
                 well, it teaches you what's really 
                 important in life, and it has the 
                 power to change you in ways you've 
                 never dreamed of.

       INT. GUN RANGE

       Becky, in shooting goggles and ear muffs, FIRES a Glock-
       17 9mm pistol with both hands.  Sign on wall reads: 
       "Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club."  (See Iona in b.g. with 
       an arsenal of sniper weaponry.)

                           BECKY
                     (yelling over noise)
                 ...What?!  Klinghagen thinks it'll all 
                 come down to me and Amber?

       Becky stops firing and takes off her hear muffs.

                           BECKY (cont'd)
                 Well, you have to take everything Mrs. 
                 Klinghagen says with a grain of salt.  
                 Not all your Catholics go to communion 
                 for the wafers, if you know what I 
                 mean...

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. LUTHERAN SISTERHOOD GUN RANGE - LATER

       Becky thumbs bullets into her magazine as she talks.

                           BECKY
                 ...Yah-my mom gave me this nine-mil 
                 for my thirteenth birthday... 

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #6, BECKY LEEMAN
                 
                 I'll always remember what she wrote in 
                 the card.  "Jesus loves winners."  
                 That's why, no matter what I do...

       She shoves the magazine back in her pistol.

                           BECKY (cont'd)
                 I aim to win.

       She smiles to camera, then violently fires off a few 
       rounds.  Zoom in on the MALE TARGET: several bullet holes 
       in the head.

       INT. "NEW YORK, NEW YORK" BEDROOM - DAY

       It's all NEW YORK MEMORABILIA.  Lisa Swenson - big bubbly 
       girl - sits on her bed.

                           LISA
                 Why?  Well, uh, it's kind of like 
                 askin', "Why do all the guys chew 
                 Copenhagen?"  You know?  I mean, if 
                 you're seventeen and you're not a 
                 total fry, it's just what you do.

       ETHEL MERMAN's "Everything's Coming Up Roses" PLAYS over 
       speakers.

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #7, LISA SWENSON

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 Have you decided what your talent is 
                 going to be yet?

                           LISA
                 I'm gonna sing and dance to, "New 
                 York, New York."  See, I fell in love 
                 with The Big Apple last summer when I 
                 was visitin' my brother.  He followed 
                 his dream to New York.

       PICKS UP 8x10's, shows to camera.

                           LISA (cont'd)
                 This is Peter as Liza.  This is him as 
                 Madonna.  Oh, here's me with him as 
                 Barbara...

       INT. "GERMAN SHEPHERD" BEDROOM - DAY

       TESS WEINHAUS, wearing an "I love German Shepherds" t-
       shirt.  The room is filled with German Shepherd 
       paraphernalia.

                           TESS
                 Uh... I don't know what my talent's 
                 gonna be yet...

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #3, TESS WEINHAUS

                           TESS (cont'd)
                 Kenny.  Kenny, come.  Come, Kenny.

       A DACHSHUND enters and jumps on her lap.

                           TESS (cont'd)
                 This is Kenny.  Spike, my German 
                 Shepherd, went to live with a nice 
                 family on a farm after he attacked me.  
                 It wasn't his fault.  I had beef jerky 
                 in my front pocket.
                     (pulling up shirt)
                 They re-made my belly with skin from 
                 my butt.

                                                       DISSOLVE TO:

       INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY - DAY

       IONA HILDERBRANDT - librarian, 65+ - stamps books.

       SUPER: IONA HILDERBRANDT, MOUNT ROSE AMERICAN TEEN 
       PRINCESS - 1945

                           IONA HILDERBRANTDT
                     (smoked for sixty years)
                 I was Mount Rose American Teen 
                 Princess in 1945.  We were at war with 
                 the Japs.

       ANGLE ON

       A vintage B&W photograph of 18-year-old IONA 
       HILDERBRANDT, looking surprised with hands on cheeks, is 
       being crowned MOUNT ROSE AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS by TWO 
       SOLDIERS on a GYM STAGE.

       YOUNG IONA, wearing TIARA, stands with SOLDIERS and WAR 
       OFFICIALS beside a boiling pot of metal.

                           IONA HILDERBRANTDT (V.O.) 
                           (cont'd)
                 I didn't even get to keep my damn 
                 tiara. 

       Iona's about to drop her tiara into a recycling bin.

                           IONA HILDERBRANTDT (cont'd)
                  Had to turn it in for scrap.

                                                       DISSOLVE TO:

       INT. MOLLY HOWARD'S LIVING ROOM

       MOLLY HOWARD, a large white girl, sits between a JAPANESE 
       COUPLE, Mr. and Mrs. HOWARD.

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #5, MOLLY HOWARD

                           MR. HOWARD
                     (heavy accent)
                 ... So we adopt Molly three year ago 
                 when we come to America, to help 
                 acclimate us to American.

                           MOLLY
                     (smiling)
                 To America, Dad.

       Mr. Howard laughs.

                           MRS. HOWARD
                 She all-American girl.  She our 
                 American Teen Princess girl.

                           MOLLY
                 Oh, Mom...

       The Howard's biological daughter (they renamed her 
       "TINA") ENTERS FRAME.  Although she's the picture of 
       beauty, grace, talent and charm, she represents their old 
       life.

                           TINA
                     (in Japanese)
                 Excuse me, Father, Mother, when are we 
                 moving back to Tokyo?  I can't stand 
                 this place anymore.  They put butter 
                 on everything.

                           MR. HOWARD
                     (turning, suddenly angry)
                 English!  English, you stupid little 
                 retard!  We America now, Tina!

                           TINA
                     (perfect English)
                 I'm sorry, Dad, but with all due 
                 respect, my name isn't "Tina," it's 
                 Seiko.

                           MR. HOWARD
                 Tina! Tina!! TINA!!!

                           MRS. HOWARD
                 "Robert," settle down.

                           MR. HOWARD
                     (screaming)
                 AHHHHHH!

       Mr. Howard suddenly grabs his chest.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. MOLLY HOWARD'S LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Same scene.  Mr. Howard is gone.

                           TINA
                 Mom, I just finished the third 
                 movement of that concerto I was 
                 working on.  I put, like, this techno 
                 beat on this Japanese folk tune - 
                 wanna hear it?

                           MR. HOWARD
                     (running down the hall)
                 No!  We not like to hear it!  Go to 
                 your room and shut up!

                           TINA
                 Oh, I almost forgot...
                     (removing envelope from 
                      pocket)
                 I got my acceptance to Tokyo 
                 University.

                           MR. HOWARD
                 What, you deaf?  I say shut up-shut up-
                 SHUT UP!
                     (coming at camera)
                 Cut her outta this!

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. MOLLY HOWARD'S LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Same scene on couch.

                           MR. HOWARD
                 Now Molly, tell movie man what you 
                 talent do.

                           MOLLY
                 I'll be line dancin'.

                           MR. HOWARD
                     (giving thumbs up)
                 Country western!

                           MRS. HOWARD
                 Clint Black!  Ruff!

                           MR. HOWARD
                 Hey, what he got I not got?

       They all laugh.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - STAGE

       CLOSE ON Michelle Johanson's face.

                           MICHELLE
                 ... Yah-I'll be performing a dramatic 
                 monologue.

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #2, MICHELLE JOHANSON

                           MICHELLE (cont'd)
                 Right now, I'm thinkin' "Othello" 
                 or... 
                 "Soylent Green."  Lots of girls make a 
                 smooth transition from pageants into 
                 actin', y'know.

                                                     SMASH CUT TO:

       LOCAL TV COMMERCIAL (VIDEO)

       CONNIE, mid-30's, Midwestern attractive, wearing a sash 
       and tiara, stands in front of a BLUE SCREEN of a FOREST.

                           CONNIE
                 Competin' for the title of Minnesota's 
                 American Teen Princess sure was 
                 excitin'.  But, I never coulda won 
                 without my...

       PULL BACK to reveal a table full of PORK PRODUCTS. 

                           CONNIE (cont'd)
                 St. Paul Pork Products!

       LOCAL TV COMMERCIAL (VIDEO)

       SCREEN CHANGES to OUTSIDE FACTORY/STOCK YARDS.  Connie 
       now wears a coat and hat and acts as if it's chilly.

                           CONNIE (cont'd)
                 I've been enjoyin' St. Paul Pork 
                 Products for years.  I grew up right 
                 next to these stock yards.

       SCREEN CHANGES to VIDEO of a SLAUGHTER LINE.  PIG 
       CARCASSES move on hooks.  Connie wears a hard hat and 
       blood stained butcher's apron.

                           CONNIE (cont'd)
                 It's still the same family-run 
                 business that Walter and Vera Polarski 
                 started in 1920 when they raised and 
                 slaughtered their first pig.

       Connie grabs a HOT DOG from O.C. and takes a bite.

                           CONNIE (cont'd)
                 Mmm-mmmm.  I just love St. Paul Pork 
                 Products.  In fact, I love kem so much

       LOCAL TV COMMERCIAL (VIDEO)

       SLIDE CHANGES to VIDEO of the SAUSAGE LINE.  Workers 
       stuff sausages.  Connie wears a white jumpsuit and 
       hairnet.

                           CONNIE (cont'd)
                 I work here now!

       INT. BETZ LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

       MRS. BETZ, a large woman, holds a tray of bars.  CREW 
       MEMBERS REACH IN THE SHOT and help themselves.  JANELLE 
       BETZ sits on the couch, SIGNING EVERYTHING she says.

                           JANELLE
                     (slow, due to signing)
                 ...My talent will be an interpretive 
                 dance while I sing, "Through the Eyes 
                 of Love."  I have a dream of spreadin' 
                 sign language around the world... Mom?  
                 Would you be so kind?

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #8, JANELLE BETZ

                           JANELLE (cont'd)
                 Yeah.  Well, see, uh, I have a dream 
                 of spreading sign language around the 
                 world.
                     (to Mrs. Betz)
                 Mom, would you be so kind.

       Mrs. Betz quickly puts down the bars and goes to the 
       piano where she starts "Through the Eyes of Love."  
       Janelle begins to gesticulate and sign words in an overly 
       dramatic performance that looks like a bizarre seizure.  
       SOUND occasionally DIPS OUT as the BOOM OPERATOR reaches 
       for bars.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - LATER

       TAMMY CURRY - a cute, jock-type.  She wears a LETTER 
       JACKET, covered with VARSITY SPORTS PATCHES.

                           TAMMY CURRY
                 Tammy Curry.  I'm signin' up for the 
                 scholarship'n'all.

                                                     SMASH CUT TO:

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM

       She POINTS to VARIOUS PATCHES on her LETTER JACKET.

                           TAMMY CURRY (cont'd)
                 ...This one's for Varsity Soccer, uh, 
                 I'm captain.  
                     (pointing)
                 I run track, and, uh...
                     (points to small gun patch)
                 Right here, I'm the new President of 
                 the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club...

       ANGLE ON

       LSGC PRESIDENT logo patch.

                           TAMMY CURRY (cont'd) (O.S.)
                 I love that one.

       EXT. FARM FIELD

       Shot from crew van.  Sun is setting behind a lovely field 
       of green.  A John Deere Thresher travels across the 
       burning red horizon.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (V.O.)
                 Would you say you have a good chance 
                 to win this pageant?

       SUPER: CONTESTANT #9, TAMMY CURRY

                           TAMMY (V.O.)
                 Yeah, you bet I do.  I mean, maybe 
                 other people think I can't win a 
                 beauty pageant.  But other people 
                 didn't think I could beat out Becky 
                 Leeman for President of the gun club, 
                 either.  And I did.  I-I-It's just 
                 like Anthony Robbins says, "I'm a 
                 winner.  Nobody can stop me but me!"

       

       KABLOOM!  Tammy's John Deere thresher BLOWS UP!

       INT. LUTHERAN CHURCH BASEMENT - KITCHEN AREA - NIGHT

       CLOSE ON framed school photo of Tammy Curry.  PULL BACK 
       to see her letter jacket - scorched and torn (Lutheran 
       Gun Club patch is MISSING) - and flowers.  CONTINUE 
       PULLING BACK to reveal both are surrounded by buns, bars 
       and coffee on a long buffet table.  A line of somber and 
       repressed Lutherans help themselves to the food.  
       Servettes stand at the ready.  Gladys and Iris face the 
       camera.

                           GLADYS
                 Well, you know, I think everyone's 
                 doing really well considering the fact 
                 that she was so young.

                           IRIS
                 It's always hard to see the young ones 
                 called home, especially on an 
                 exploding thresher.  It's just so odd 
                 and gross.

                           GLADYS
                 You know that sometimes it's hard to 
                 understand God's great plan.

                           IRIS
                 Yeah.

       Iris pats Gladys on the shoulder.

                           FEMALE MOURNER #1
                 May I have a tissue?

                           GLADYS
                 But the show must go on.
                     (she faces Iris)
                 I gotta get a hold of Ted and ask him 
                 if we can use that barn light as a 
                 spot again.  So you watch the Jell-o 
                 salad, okay?

                           IRIS
                 All right.  Okay.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - LATER

       It's smokey as hell.  THREE "FRY" GIRLS and a PREGNANT 
       "FRY" GIRL - all with "shelf bangs" - smoke and drink.

                           FRY GIRL #1
                 ...Oh, yeah-right.  I ain't gonna be 
                 in no goddamn pageant!  Look what 
                 happened to that dork-ass farm girl.

                           PREGNANT FRY GIRL (O.C.)
                 Tammy Curry?

                           FRY GIRL #1
                 Yah-yah.  Everyone says this is a big 
                 accident?  She got iced because she 
                 wins everything, and this time someone 
                 didn't want her to win.

                           PREGNANT FRY GIRL
                 This pageant's like a roach motel.

                           FRY GIRL #1
                 Girls check in, but they don't check 
                 out.

                           PREGNANT FRY GIRL
                 Yeah.  And they say smokin' is bad for 
                 your health.

                           FRY GIRL #1
                     (raising cigarette into 
                      frame)
                 Yeah.

       EXT. OLD TWO STORY HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - DAY

       SIGN painted on GARAGE DOOR: "Dance Studio, Downstairs 
       past the Laundry Room."

       CAMERA moves DOWNSTAIRS to converted basement.  LISA 
       SWENSON and two other large "ballerinas" practice at a 
       2x4/ballet barre.  MOZART plays in the b.g.  CHLORIS 
       KLINGHAGEN watches and smokes.  (Picture Betty Davis in 
       her final days.)

                           CHLORIS
                 And tendu.  Close.  Tendu.  Close. 
                 Tendu.  Close.  Plie.  And repeat.  
                 Suck in the belly, girls, and tuck in 
                 the tushes!

       SUPER: CHLORIS KLINGHAGEN, CHOREOGRAPHER

                           CHLORIS (cont'd)
                 Close those legs!  You look like a 
                 bunch of bowlegged cows!  Other side.  
                 And...tendu.  Close.  Tendu.  Close.  
                 Tendu.  Close.  Plie.

                                                            CUT TO:

       Chloris smokes and talks to camera.  "Ballerinas" 
       practice.

                           CHLORIS (cont'd)
                 Yeah, you boys sure picked a good 
                 year.  If I was a betting woman, and 
                 there was a line on this in Vegas, I'd 
                 lay down ten-to-one that it all comes 
                 down to Amber Atkins and Becky Leeman.  
                 Oh, sweet Jesus, what a showdown this 
                 could be if Cain and Abel...

       The SOUND RECORDIST enters and Lisa spins out of control, 
       taking him out.  She leans over and comforts him.

                           LISA
                 Ow!  Oh, God.  It's so em-so 
                 embarrassing.

       EST. SHOT - "DAKOTA COUNTY EATING DISORDERS CLINIC" - DAY

                           MARY (V.O.)
                     (labored breaths)
                 My winning...the Mount Rose...

       INT. PATIENT'S ROOM - DAY

       SMILING ANOREXIC GIRL sits in bed - a TIARA in what's 
       left of her hair and a SASH over her hospital gown.

                           MARY
                 ...American Teen Princess Pageant...

       SUPER: MARY JOHANSON, REIGNING MOUNT ROSE AMERICAN TEEN 
       PRINCESS

                           MARY (cont'd)
                 ...really changed my life.

       The TIARA SLIPS OFF her BALDING HEAD and rolls to the 
       floor.

       INT. DAKOTA COUNTY EATING DISORDERS CLINIC - MARY'S ROOM

       Amber fixes Mary's hair, carefully brushing her balding 
       head.  Mary smiles, oblivious.

                           MARY
                     (labored breaths)
                 ...Amber does my hair...once a week.

                           AMBER
                     (flattered and embarrassed)
                 Well...it's the least I can do for the 
                 reigning Mount Rose Junior Miss Amer--

       Amber pulls the brush away with a clump of Mary's hair 
       dangling from it.

                           AMBER (cont'd)
                 Oh God...

                           MARY
                 What?

                           AMBER
                 Huh?  Oh...Uh, just a little snarl...

       Amber mouths, "Shhh!  Don't tell!" to camera as she tries 
       to pull the clump of hair from the brush.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. DAKOTA COUNTY EATING DISORDERS CLINIC - MARY'S ROOM

       Amber ties the tiara and missing clump of hair to Mary's 
       head with a ribbon.

                           AMBER
                 There we go.

       She holds the mirror for Mary.

                           MARY
                     (delusional)
                 Beautiful... Maybe next week... a 
                 perm.

                           AMBER
                 Yah... sure...

       Amber gives a kind but worried smile to camera.  
       Suddenly, Becky Leeman enters with a large box of 
       chocolates.  She's fully aware of the cameras from the 
       moment she enters.

                           BECKY
                 Hellooo, Little Mary Sunshine!
                     (pretending to notice camera)
                 What?!  Oh-oh my God!  Lights!  
                 Camera!  And me without a stitch of 
                 make-up on.  What are you guys doin' 
                 here?

       She's in full make-up.

                           AMBER
                 What're you doin' here?

                           BECKY
                 Oh, Amber, like you're the only one 
                 who visits Mary.

                           MARY
                     (to Becky)
                 Who are you?

                           BECKY
                     (covering)
                 "Who are you?!"  Oh Mary, you kill me.
                     (to camera)
                 She always says that.  It's a little 
                 game we play.  Every week - same dippy 
                 little look on her face.  "Who are you 
                 - who are you?"  Just like that.
                     (in Mary's face)
                 It's me - Becky - and I brought your 
                 favorites.

       Becky puts the chocolates on Mary's lap, a few spill.  
       Throughout the following, Mary slowly reaches for them as 
       if they're forbidden fruit and she's a very hungry Eve.

                           AMBER
                 How nice, Becky, she's anorexic.

       Becky roughly puts her hands over Mary's ears, who's now 
       gently petting the spilled chocolates in her lap.

                           BECKY
                     (sotto, reprimanding tone)
                 She's skinny, not deaf, Amber.

       EXT. TRAILER - LATE AFTERNOON

       MONTAGE - Amber taps around the mobile home community, 
       HOME FROM SCHOOL - backpack, Walkman, cool music blaring.

       INT. TRAILER - AMBER'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Amber stands in a room the SIZE OF A CLOSET.  Posters, 
       articles and pictures of great tap dancers and Diane 
       Sawyer cover the walls.

                           AMBER
                 ... Dreams?  Yah-sure I got kem... 
                 Sometimes I dream of winnin'... I 
                 dream of gettin' outta Mount Rose and 
                 bein' a big time reporter like Diane 
                 Sawyer.  I mean, guys get outta Mount 
                 Rose all the time for hockey 
                 scholarships or prison.  But the 
                 pageant's kinda my only chance.

              
       INT. TRAILER - AMBER'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Amber points to LARGE PAGEANT PHOTO OF DIANE SAWYER - 
       1963

                           AMBER
                 ... Yah-1963.  Her beauty worked 
                 against her when she started as a 
                 reporter in Louisville, her hometown.  
                 Those were different times.

                           ANNETTE (O.S.)
                     (yelling, coughing)
                 Hey, Amber, y'get my smokes?

                           AMBER
                     (smiling)
                 That's my mom.
                     (yelling)
                 I'll get kem in a sec.

       ANNETTE ATKINS, Amber's mom - sexy, but tired - OPENS THE 
       DOOR.

                           ANNETTE
                     (surprised by cameras)
                 Oh shit!

                           AMBER
                 They're from L.A.  They wanted to see 
                 my room and film me for their movie.

                           ANNETTE
                     (mock-touched, to crew)
                 Oh... How quickly they grow up.
                     (exiting, smiling)
                 Hey, if they ask you to take off your 
                 shirt, get the money first.

       Annette is gone.

                           ANNETTE (cont'd) (O.S.)
                 And go get my smokes!

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       EST. SHOT - LEEMAN FAMILY HOME - DAY

       Landscaped grounds surround this lovely two-story.

       INT. LEEMAN HOME - VARIOUS ROOMS

       Brief "LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH & FAMOUS" montage of Gladys 
       showing off interiors to the theme from "GONE WITH THE 
       WIND."

       INT. LEEMAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY

       It looks like a Levitz showroom.  Gladys sits stiffly 
       between Becky and her husband, LESTER - mid-60's, gruff, 
       "old school" salesman, drink in hand.

                           LESTER
                 ...You betcha.  S'posed to be colder-n-
                 a witches tit tonight...

                           GLADYS
                     (nervous laugh)
                 Oh, Lester.  He loves his weather, 
                 y'know.

                           LESTER
                     (looking to crew, O.S.)
                 Hey, ya like it?  Open it...Yah-the 
                 globe.  Pull at the equator there.

                           GLADYS
                 We're not in the showroom, Dear.

       Banging and fumbling.  A CORKSCREW flies into shot - CREW 
       GUY quickly ENTERS SHOT and grabs it.

                           LESTER
                 Fits three full-size booze bottles.  
                 The cassette deck pulls outta 
                 Afghanistan, there.

                           BECKY
                     (embarrassed)
                 Mommm...

                           GLADYS
                 Lester?

                           LESTER
                 Oh, all right
                     (to camera)
                 How soon they forget where all this 
                 comes from.

                           BECKY
                 Japan.

                           LESTER
                 That's enough, young lady.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. LEEMAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - LATER

                           GLADYS
                 "Impartial?"  Outside this house I'm 
                 Gladys Leeman, President, Civil 
                 Servettes - impartial as the day is 
                 long.  But we're inside my home now 
                 and I've gotta warn you, I'm wearin' 
                 my "wife apron" and "mom hat."  So, I 
                 can safely say that I'm the mother of 
                 the most talented contestant Mount 
                 Rose has ever seen.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. LEEMAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - LATER

       Lester's gone from the couch.

                           GLADYS
                 I'll field that one - Rebecca's saving 
                 her voice.

       Becky smiles admiringly at Gladys.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 You-betcha, Rebecca's ready.  She's 
                 been singin' and dancin' since she was 
                 knee high to a pig's eye.

       Lester returns to the couch, large drink in hand.

                           LESTER
                 Yah-she's damn near as good as that 
                 little black fella - with the glass 
                 eye.

                           GLADYS
                 Sammy Davis, Jr., honey.

                           LESTER
                 Yeah, yeah, the Jew.

                           BECKY
                 Nice one, Dad.  He's dead.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM

       Same scene.  BOYS' WRESTLING TEAM - tight singlets - runs 
       laps around gym - between Servettes and camera.  

                           GLADYS
                 ...Yah-then, for the "Judges 
                 Interview," each girl has a ten minute 
                 get-together with the judges before 
                 the pageant...

       Gladys is distracted by the HARD, YOUNG bodies.  All are.

                           GLADYS
                 Yes, the Judges Interview.. Each girl 
                 has a ten minute get-together with the 
                 judges prior to the pageant.  Then we 
                 have the...

       A HUNKY WRESTLER, TONY, waves.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 Hello, Tony.

                           TONY
                 Hey.

                           GLADYS
                 "Hey" to the folks.

                           TONY
                 Yeah, all right.

                           IRIS
                 The Judges Interview.

       EXT. DRUGSTORE - MAIN STREET - DAY

       JOHN DOUGH - pharmacist, 30-ish, thin, nervous - chain 
       smokes outside the drugstore.

       SUPER: JUDGE #1, JOHN DOUGH

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 So you've, uh, you've judged a lot of 
                 pageants over the years?

                           JOHN
                 Nope.  No.  Uh-uh.  Never judged a 
                 pageant before in my life.  Nope.  No 
                 way.  Never around young girls.  Even 
                 if I was, why would I wanna be, 
                 y'know?  I-I-I don't get off on that 
                 kinda thing and that's really why 
                 you're askin', right?  S-someone say 
                 somethin'?

       EXT. HAROLD'S HARDWARE HANK - MAIN STREET - DAY

       HAROLD - owner, late 40's - stands in front of this 
       grubby little store front with his MILDLY RETARDED 
       BROTHER, HANK, who SNIFFS and MUMBLES CONSTANTLY.

       SUPER: JUDGE #2, HAROLD VILMES

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 Do you judge the pageant every year?

                           HAROLD
                 ...Nope.  Never judged nothin' afore -- 

                           HANK
                     (pointing at camera)
                 Are we on "Cops?" Are we on "Cops?" 
                 Are we on "Cops?"

                           HAROLD
                 Shut up, Hank.  This here's business.

       Harold CUFFS Hank.

                           HANK
                 Ow, Harold - Mom said not the head.

                           HAROLD
                 Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly 
                 trap.

                           HANK
                 I will if you shut your piehole.

                           HAROLD
                 Don't make me kick-ya where the good 
                 Lord split-ya.

       Harold raises his hand, Hank FLINCHES and
       EXT. HAROLD'S HARDWARE HANK - LATER

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 So are you excited?

                           HAROLD
                 ...Oh you betcha!  We're happier than 
                 the day Hanky got acquitted.  I get 
                 made a judge, then the furniture store 
                 hires us to paint the whole damn 
                 thing.
                     (removing cap)
                 We're gonna use the money to get our 
                 mamma a proper headstone.  Oh, and 
                 move her out to the cemetery.

       Suddenly, Hank runs full speed into the window.  BAM!  He 
       falls to the ground inside.

       INT. LEEMAN FURNITURE SHOWROOM - DAY

       Follow Lester around cheesy room displays.  JEAN KANGAS, 
       his meek, middle-aged secretary follows him everywhere.  
       Lester CALLS OUT to a YOUNG COUPLE sitting in a dining 
       room.

                           LESTER
                 Hey Tim, Carla - if yous kids don't 
                 try to Jew me down none, I'll throw in 
                 a matchin' hutch.

       The COUPLE smiles excitedly.

                           LESTER (cont'd)
                     (to camera)
                 See, that there's my specialty.  Don't 
                 pay me less and I'll give ya more. 
                     (sotto)
                 Secret is, the hutch is included in 
                 the price.  Ain't that right, Jean?

       Lester smacks Jean on the ass.

       SUPER: JUDGE #3, JEAN KANGAS.

                           LESTER (cont'd)
                 Take a memo, sweetheart.

       EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN HOUSE - GARAGE DOOR

       REHEARSAL MONTAGE BEGINS OVER MUSIC.

       Contestants run out the side door as if running on stage.  
       Tess Weinhaus trips and falls, causing a chain reaction.

       EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN HOUSE - GARAGE DOOR - LATER

       Now contestants run out carrying small wooden step 
       ladders.  As they reach the CHORUS LINE, they set the 
       ladder down and LEAP FROG over.

       SUPER: FIRST DANCE REHEARSAL - 1 WEEK BEFORE PAGEANT

                           CHLORIS
                 Four, five, six, seven.  And one.

       Tess runs out, sets her ladder down, jumps and hits mid-
       crotch.  She then slides painfully down to the ground.

                           CHLORIS (cont'd)
                 Put that chair away!  Get it!  Come 
                 on!  Get it!

       Amber TWIRLS perfectly.

                           CHLORIS (cont'd)
                 All right.  Let's got.  Let's go.

       EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN HOUSE - SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS

       PAN ACROSS NEIGHBORS' sitting in lawn chairs, enjoying 
       the music and the show.  END ON JOHN DOUGH, leaning 
       against his car, smoking and holding a video camera at 
       his side.

       EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN'S HOUSE - FRONT LAWN

       PAN DOWN row doing a seated chorus line on ladders.  Most 
       suck.  Amber and Becky look great.  Tess sits on the 
       grass with a bag of ice on her crotch.

       EXT. CHLORIS KLINGHAGEN HOUSE - SIDEWALK

       On John Dough, beside his car.

                           JOHN
                 I'm just out here watching the young 
                 girls - contestants - like the rest of 
                 my friends and neighbors...

       John quickly turns and starts to pry the hood open.

       ANGLE ON

       Pat and Brett watch the girls.  Pat admires Amber's 
       moves.

                           PAT
                     (re: Amber)
                 Are you gettin' her?  Uh, the third 
                 one, the blonde one.

                           BRETT
                 Hey.

                           PAT
                 See?  Right over there.  Right over 
                 there.

       Brett slaps Pat on the back.

                           BRETT
                 Leave him alone, leave him alone.  
                 It's okay.  

       EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN'S HOUSE - FRONT LAWN

       John, his car hood open, is caught aiming his video 
       camera at the girls performing a dance.  They wear 
       partially constructed U.S. Monument Headdresses.  

                           JOHN
                 Oh, this is just a...camera.  I keep 
                 it in the glove compartment for car 
                 accidents.  Insurance... You guys got 
                 a camera and no one's accusin' you of 
                 anything, right?

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - KITCHEN

       Move through kitchen.  LUNCH LADIES haul, serve and 
       prepare food.  Pan over to Amber, who's unhappily 
       scraping and spraying lunch trays as they're dropped off 
       at her window.  Becky, flirting her ass off, comes to the 
       window with Brett, handsome football player we saw 
       before.  Both carry trays.

                           BECKY
                 So, Brett, do you wanna go to the lake 
                 with me on Thursday?

                           BRETT
                 Um, actually, I got practice on 
                 Thursday.

                           BECKY
                 ...Yah-well, maybe Friday, then.  A 
                 bunch of us were gonna go cow-tippin'.

       SUPER: BRETT CLEMMENS, CAPTAIN, MOUNT ROSE HIGH SCHOOL 
       FOOTBALL TEAM

                           BRETT
                     (seeing Amber)
                 Uh, I-uh-I'm kinda busy Friday.

       Amber looks up to see Brett looking at her.  He smiles.  
       She smiles.  You can feel the attraction.  Amber becomes 
       girlishly self-conscious -- adjusting her rubber apron 
       and brushing hair out of her eyes with her big rubber 
       gloves.

                           BRETT (cont'd)
                     (to Amber)
                 Hi...

                           AMBER
                 Hi.

       Becky notices their attraction and goes from flirt to 
       uber-bitch in a heartbeat.

                           BECKY
                 Giver her your tray, Brett.  You're 
                 holdin' up the line.

       Brett looks at Beck, then at Amber, not wanting to make 
       her clean his tray.

                           BRETT
                 Uh...

                           BECKY
                 Give it to her!

                           AMBER
                 Here, I'll take it.  It's my job.

                           BRETT
                 NO...
                     (looking at Becky)
                 It's all right.  I got it.  Don't 
                 worry about it.

       He takes the sprayer from a surprised Amber and starts to 
       clean off his own tray.  Becky can't believe his 
       defiance.

                           AMBER
                 Well, you're supposed to put it in 
                 the...

       Becky THROWS her tray on the counter spraying Amber with 
       food as she storms off.

                           BRETT (cont'd)
                 Oh man, you got leutefisk in your 
                 hair.

                           AMBER
                 Then it must be Wednesday.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY

       Same scene as "funeral bun" explanation.

                           IONA
                 Leutefisk is Cod Fish that's been 
                 salted and soaked in lye for a week or 
                 so.  It's best with lots-a butter.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - KITCHEN

       Same scene.  Brett removes the offending leutefisk.

                           BRETT
                 So, uh, I-I'm not really busy Friday.  
                 I just said that - y'know.

                           AMBER
                 I know.

                           BRETT
                 So if, uh, you wanted to do 
                 somethin'...

                           AMBER
           
                           AMBER/BRETT
                 Huntin' season.

       Shocked at the coincidence, they share a laugh.

                           BRETT
                 Well, uh, I'm cuttin' out early today 
                 to do a little duck huntin'...but, uh, 
                 maybe I could call you tonight.

                           AMBER
                 Yah-sure, fine...fine.

                           BRETT
                 Okay...well, bye.

                           AMBER
                 Bye.

       Amber smiles, gives a shy little wave - then, to camera.

                           AMBER (cont'd)
                 Oh, God - you don't think Becky saw 
                 you guys, do you?
                     (nervously looking around)
                 Look, you just shouldn't be in here...

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 It's okay.  Doreen gave us hair nets.

                           AMBER
                 No, listen.
                     (whispering as she exits)
                 We shouldn't talk here.  Stop by my 
                 house tonight, okay?

       She looks around and motions them to rush off.

       EXT. HIGHWAY NEAR TRAILER PARK - EVENING

       From the CREW VAN we pass the crappy trailer homes that 
       are off the Highway.  (Patsy Cline's "King Of The Road" 
       PLAYS on the radio).

       EXT./INT. ATKINS TRAILER - EVENING

       Camera approaches the trailer.  SIGN on the door reads 
       "Annette's Family Hair Care."

       Inside, the kitchen has been turned into a mini hair 
       salon.  Annette gives Loretta, neighbor, mid-50's - a 
       bouffant.

                           LORETTA
                 What do you mean, they take out her 
                 butt?

                           ANNETTE
                     (seeing camera in window)
                 Oh, Jesus H. Christ!

                           LORETTA
                 Are we on "Cops" again?

                           ANNETTE
                 You could be quiet.

                           LORETTA
                 Hi.

                           ANNETTE
                 Hi.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. ATKINS TRAILER - MOMENTS LATER

                           ANNETTE
                 It's just the guys that are...you 
                 know, makin' the movie about the 
                 pageant.  I told you about kem.

                           LORETTA
                 Oh, naw.  Hi.

                           ANNETTE
                 This here's Loretta.

                           LORETTA
                 I tell Annette, I says, "You talk to 
                 me durin' my stories, you might as 
                 well be talkin' to the wall."
                     (then)
                 You guys want a beer?

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 No, thank you.  Is Amber here?

                           ANNETTE
                 No.  You just missed her.  Amber got 
                 called in to the bone gardens tonight.  
                 You just missed her.  She's in a 
                 helluva mood today, anyways.

                           LORETTA
                 Say, yous boys been to the Leeman's?

                           ANNETTE
                 Loretta, shut it.

                           LORETTA
                 Y'know, if you have, you got all the 
                 pictures of the winner you need.

                           ANNETTE
                 Shut it up, Loretta.

                           LORETTA
                 Oh, Christ, it's true.

       Annette begins to comb out Loretta's hair.

                           LORETTA
                     (drinking beer)
                 Let's just say who should win, who 
                 deserves to win is Amber.

                           ANNETTE
                     (mumbled to self)
                 Why don't you paint a big red target 
                 on your ass, Loretta.

                           LORETTA
                 She's the prettiest, y'know.  The best 
                 damn tapper.  The most smartest...

                           ANNETTE
                 "Most smartest?"  Oh, that's good, 
                 Loretta.  Make sure you get a picture 
                 of that.  "Most smartest."  We're 
                 cuttin you off and sendin' you home.

       Annette takes Loretta's beer, starts to push her out.

                           LORETTA
                 Well, excuse me, Annette, but I'm 
                 braggin' up your kid, here.
                     (to crew)
                 Amber's gonna be the next Diane 
                 Sawyer, y'know...

                           ANNETTE
                 I'll be right back.  See ya later.

       CAMERA follows Annette and Loretta.

                           ANNETTE (cont'd)
                 They're makin' a movie, here, goddamn 
                 it.

                           LORETTA
                 All right, they're makin' a movie.

                           ANNETTE
                 You don't know where this is gonna...

                           LORETTA
                 I got a hairdo.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       EXT./INT. ATKINS TRAILER - EVENING

       Loretta holds onto the door frame so Annette can't push 
       her out.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 What makes you think that Becky's 
                 going to win?

                           LORETTA
                 Why do I think Becky'll win?  You're 
                 talkin'...
                     (to Annette)
                 Don't pinch!.
                     (back into camera)
                 You're talkin' kbout the richest 
                 family in a small town.  It's front 
                 page news when one of kem takes a 
                 shit.
                     (she laughs hard)
                 Can one of yous boys give me a ride 
                 home?

                           ANNETTE
                 Don't fall for it.  She lives two 
                 trailers down.

                           LORETTA
                 So?  Be real easy.

                           ANNETTE
                 Go on home, Loretta.  Come on.  Go on, 
                 the party's over.

                           LORETTA
                 Anyone?

       INT. LARSON FUNERAL HOME - HALLWAY - NIGHT

       A small sign on the door reads: "EMBALMING - Please 
       Knock!"

       PUSH INTO ROOM.  Amber, back to us, frantically applies 
       blusher to an OLD WOMAN.  Another BODY, covered with a 
       white sheet, is on the embalming slab.  The top and brim 
       of a HUNTING CAP can be seen.  She TURNS AROUND to see 
       the crew.

                           AMBER (cont'd)
                     (surprised)
                 Ahhh!  Je-sus-Christ-on-a-cross!
                     (catching breath)
                 Look, number one rule in a funeral 
                 home - never sneak up on the livin'.  
                 You never know who could have an 
                 embalming needle or skull saw in their 
                 hand.  Mr. Larson's son learned that 
                 the hard way - he's buried next to my 
                 Grandpa!

       Amber turns to the slab to continue working.  She pulls 
       off the SHEET to reveal BRETT, handsome football player, 
       still wearing his hunting plaid.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. EMBALMING ROOM - LATER

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
       
                           AMBER
                     (covering real emotions)
                 Upset about Brett?  Nah.  Hazard of 
                 the trade.  I don't really have time 
                 for guys anyways.  It's weird, though.  
                 He took it right between the eyes.  
                 Don't often see that.

       EXT. GUN RANGE - DAY

       Becky thumbs bullets into a 12-gauge pump shotgun.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 So you know, Brett just got shot in 
                 the head.

                           BECKY
                     (cool as a cucumber)
                 He did?  Well, huntin's 
                 dangerous...So, anyways, my mom gave 
                 me this 30-aught for my sixteenth 
                 birthday...

       INT. EMBALMING ROOM - LATER

       Amber wipes her eyes when Mr. Larson bursts in.

                           MR. LARSON
                 Amber, I need Stella now!

       SUPER: MR. LARSON, OWNER, LARSON FUNERAL PARLOR

                           MR. LARSON (cont'd)
                 The family's steamin' like a cow pie 
                 in July.  Said she didn't look nothin' 
                 like the picture they gave you.

       Amber turns from Brett and closes the coffin.

                           AMBER
                 Sorry.  I just thought she might not 
                 wanna meet her Maker lookin' like a 
                 cheap whore.

                           MR. LARSON
                 Well, your "cheap whore" is this 
                 family's "lovin' mother."
                     (pointing at Brett)
                 The Clemens said to make him look like 
                 he just came from snowmobilin'.  Pink 
                 cheeks, and...

                           AMBER
                     (starting to mist up)
                 -- red nose and ears.  I know, I know.

       Mr. Larson PULLS Stella's coffin out.

       INT. EMBALMING ROOM - LATER

       An obviously upset Amber puts make-up on Brett.

                           AMBER
                 Sorry I couldn't talk today 
                 kcause...I'm scared, okay?
                     (deep breath)
                 I open my locker right after first 
                 period and there's a picture of Tammy 
                 Curry taped inside.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. EMBALMING ROOM - LATER

       Amber holds up a snapshot of a SMILING GIRL on a 
       THRESHER.

                           AMBER
                 This was written on back.

       She turns the picture over to reveal, "YOU'RE NEXT!"

       EXT. MOUNT ROSE - STREET

       TWIN OFFICERS lean against their car.  One prepares to 
       pack some snuff.

                           TWIN OFFICER #1
                 Oh-yah, helluva way to go, there.  
                 After some extensive investigation, we 
                 figure the Curry girl musta been 
                 drivin' and smokin' and KABLEWEY!

                           TWIN OFFICER #2
                     (holding a Skoal tin)
                 Not enough left of her to fill a tin.

       He puts a pinch between his cheek and gum.

       INT. EMBALMING ROOM - LATER

       A visibly upset Amber still applies make-up to Brett.

                           AMBER
                 Yah-sure, Tammy liked to driver her 
                 dad's thresher - she said the heavy 
                 vibration helped her think, y'know?  
                 But I know for a fact she only smoked 
                 after a good drive.  You ask me or 
                 anyone else who isn't scared to talk 
                 about it - Tammy was murdered.
                     (holding back tears)
                 God, I bet Diane Sawyer never had to 
                 deal with crap like this...
                     (to crew guy)
                 Toss me "Caucasian #5," would ya?

       A crew guy walks IN FRAME and hands her a make-up jar.

                           AMBER (cont'd)
                 Man, I can't wait for fishin' 
                 season...

       Mr. Larson bursts in, white as a corpse.

                           MR. LARSON
                 Amber...

                           AMBER
                 No, don't say it.  Another stray 
                 bullet to the head.

       She adjusts Brett's red plaid hunting cap.

                           AMBER (cont'd)
                 I'm gonna need more caps.

                           MR. LARSON
                 You hafta go home.  There's some kinda 
                 emergency at the trailer park.

                           AMBER
                 Relax, that's my ma's code for, "Bring 
                 home milk and a carton-a Luckys."

                           MR. LARSON
                 No.  Loretta called.  There's been 
                 a... a fire.

       She grabs the keys and RUNS OUT.

       EXT. TRAILER PARK STREET/INT. HEARSE - NIGHT

       Amber drives fast and furious as we come to what's left 
       of her trailer.  All the NEIGHBORS are out drinkin' 
       beers, eatin' food and watchin' the excitement.

                           AMBER
                 Oh my God - no!  Is my mom okay?  Was 
                 she home?

       Hearse SCREECHES to a halt.  We hear a THUD, then MOANS 
       from in back.  Amber jumps out.  Camera follows, a la 
       "COPS."  It's pandemonium with fire trucks, neighbors, an 
       ambulance, etc.

                           AMBER (cont'd)
                 Mom!  Mom!?  MOMMMM!

       Loretta runs up to Amber as TWO FIREMEN approach.

                           FIREMAN #1
                 You family?

                           LORETTA
                 No, she's just screamin' "Mom, Mom!" 
                 kcause she's got Tourettes... She's 
                 Annette's kid, dipshit.

                           AMBER
                     (to Loretta)
                 Is Mom okay?

                           LORETTA
                 She's alive, sweetie.

                           AMBER
                 Where is she?!

                           LORETTA
                 She's right over there.

       Camera pans over to see a semi-conscious Annette as they 
       load her stretcher into the ambulance, shut the doors and 
       start to pull away.  Amber runs after them.

                           AMBER
                 Mommmm!  I'll be right behind you in 
                 the hearse!

                           LORETTA
                 Don't let that worry you, Annette!

       EST. SHOT - FARMINGTON MEMORIAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT

       INT. HOSPITAL - ANNETTE'S ROOM

       A DOCTOR, Amber and Loretta stand beside Annette, who's 
       got an I.V., bandages and her LEFT HAND wrapped and 
       ELEVATED.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 So, doctor, is this sort of an unusual 
                 injury here?

                           DOCTOR
                 Oh you betcha, this was a doozy.  
                 Right now, our chief concern is to 
                 stabilize Annette, then, in surgery, 
                 remove this here.

       Removing BANDAGE to reveal BEER CAN, still held in her 
       hand.

                           AMBER
                 Oh, Mom, it's so ugly.

                           ANNETTE
                 Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press-
                 ons.
                     (weak)
                 Well, I sat down for a beer and KA-
                 BLEWEY!  Next thing I know, somethin' 
                 blows through my kitchen window.  Next 
                 thing I know, I'm ass up in Loretta's 
                 flower bed.

       EXT. TRAILER PARK - DUSK

       SHAKY VIDEO of a 15 year-old rocker KID from the NECK 
      
                           ROCKER KID #1
                     (Beavis with a MN accent)
                 Yah-dude, put another fuckin' book 
                 under it.

                           ROCKER KID #2 (O.S.)
                 Don't say "fuckin'." My ma's got the 
                 windows open.

       CAMERA MOVES, then steadies.  We see all of Rocker Kid 
       #1.  Rocker Kid #2 runs into the shot with his guitar.

                           ROCKER KID #2 (cont'd)
                 kKay-dude, hurry.  We gots like two 
                 fuckin' minutes left on the battery.

                           ROCKER KID #1
                 A one...two...one-two-three...

       SUDDENLY Annette's' trailer EXPLODES behind them!  Rocker 
       Kids turn to see a BODY (Annette's) FLY through the air.

                           ROCKER KIDS
                 SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!

       INT. HOSPITAL - ANNETTE'S ROOM

                           ANNETTE
                     (to Amber)
                 I shoved your tap shoes in my jeans 
                 before I was blown outta the house, 
                 Honey.  Check with the guy who cut my 
                 pants off.  He should have kem.

                           AMBER
                 Mom, uh, about that...I-I'm-oh God...

       Amber starts to cry and runs out.

                           ANNETTE
                 Oh-Jesus-Mary-n-Joseph, she's 
                 pregnant!
                     (calling after her)
                 If you are - come back, sweetie.  
                 Mommy wants to talk, then KILL YOU!

                           LORETTA
                     (running after Amber)
                 Annette, why don't you just see if 
                 there's any beer left in that can and 
                 relax a bit.

       INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - NIGHT

       Loretta and Amber face off.

                           LORETTA
                 You're what?!

                           AMBER
                 I-I'm quittin' the pageant.

                           LORETTA
                 I heard you, I was just tryin' to 
                 scare you into changin' your mind.  Oh 
                 for Chrissakes, Amber, the woman clung 
                 to your tap shoes while flyin' through 
                 the air like a Goddamn lawn dart!

                           AMBER
                 Oh God, I'm dead...

       A candy striper approaches them.

                           CANDY STRIPER
                 Hey, lil' Miss Sad-pants and her 
                 friend Serious Sally, how kbout some 
                 nice cool mints to turn those frowns 
                 upside-down. "S."

                           LORETTA
                     (to candy striper)
                 D'ya think a nice cool mint'd help if 
                 I shoved your head up your ass?

       Fear sweeps over the Candy Striper - she bolts down the 
       hall!  Loretta puts an arm around Amber and starts to 
       walk down the opposite direction.

                           AMBER
                 So, what do I say?

                           LORETTA
                 Simple.  Just say, "Mom, I know you 
                 sacrificed everything - relationships, 
                 dreams - your tummy, ass and thighs - 
                 all to bring me into this world.  All 
                 so I could have tap lessons and be in 
                 the pageant - the same one you were 
                 in.  But, y'know what?  I'm quittin'."  
                 There.  Easy as pie.

                           AMBER
                 Oh my God.  I'm so dead...

                           LORETTA
                 Yeah, you betcha...

       INT. HOSPITAL - ANNETTE'S ROOM - NIGHT

       Follow Amber in past the now crying candy striper.

                           ANNETTE
                     (throwing mints)
                 Go on!  Get out!  

                           AMBER
                 Mom, look, don't say anything.  First 
                 of all, I'm not pregnant.

       Amber sits on the bed.  Annette grabs her shirt.

                           AMBER (cont'd)
                 Mom!

                           ANNETTE
                 I ain't lettin' go ktil you tell me 
                 what's up.  I'm reaching' a point 
                 where I'd kill someone for the 
                 nicotine on their fingernails.

                           AMBER
                     (deep breath)
                 Okay.  Yesterday I...I got this 
                 picture.  So I kinda, y'know, I'm 
                 thinkin' no.  I'm gonna, I-I-I'm gonna 
                 quit the pageant.

                           ANNETTE
                 What?!

       She hits Amber with her beer-canned hand.

                           AMBER
                 Ow!

                           ANNETTE
                     (to camera)
                 Would yous boys excuse us a second?  
                 Loretta, you too.

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. HOSPITAL - ANNETTE'S ROOM

       SHOT THROUGH the window.  Amber paces around Annette's 
       bed.

                           AMBER
                 Nice mouth you got there, Mom, but I-
                 I'm not goin' through this again.

                           ANNETTE
                 You're not goin' through this again?  
                 You?  You're not the one who knows how 
                 Jiffy Pop feels.

                           AMBER
                 Oh, c'mon... First the picture of 
                 Tammy, then Brett Clemens, now this?  
                 It's scary.

                           ANNETTE
                 Let me tell you "scary," Amber.  Look 
                 at me.  Do you wanna look like you 
                 been rode hard and put away wet at my 
                 age?  I'm a "lifer" here.  Best I can 
                 hope for is to end up in a descent 
                 "raisin ranch" where they'll change me 
                 twice a day.

                           AMBER
                 That's it, I'm goin'...

                           ANNETTE
                 Honest to God, if I got to do it over?  
                 I'd start walkin' outta this town the 
                 minute I took my first step.  
                 Practically the only thing I wouldn't 
                 do different is have you...

       Amber sits on the bed.

                           AMBER
                 God I hope that's you and not your 
                 concussion talkin'.

                           ANNETTE
                     (smiling)
                 It's me...I just don't want this to be 
                 the thing you'd do over.  This 
                 pageant's your ticket outta here.  I 
                 know you can win, Amber.

                           ANNETTE (cont'd)
                 C'mere.  I love you so much.

                           AMBER
                 I love you much.

       Annette hugs Amber.

       INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - NIGHT

       Follow a jubilant Amber and Loretta.

                           LORETTA
                 Hell-no, she ain't quittin'.

                           AMBER
                 No.  Mom said if I did, she'd look up 
                 my dad and marry him.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 So has your mom kept your dad's life a 
                 secret?

                           AMBER
                 No.  She never hid the fact that my 
                 dad picked his career over us.  What'd 
                 she used to say?

                           LORETTA
                 "Once a carnie, always a carnie."

                           AMBER
                 Oh-yah. 
       EXT. MOUNT ROSE STREET - MORNING

       The twin officers lean against their car.

                           TWIN OFFICER #1
                 The Atkins fire?  Foul play?  Shit-no.  
                 After some thorough investigatin', we 
                 determined it musta been a bad wirin'.  
                 Mosta them trailer-folk plug a TV, 
                 VCR, crock pot and Fry-daddy into one 
                 outlet and don't think nothin' of it 
                 ktil KABLEWEY!

                           TWIN OFFICER #2
                     (taking a pinch of Skoal)
                 Not enough left to fill a tin.

       INT. HOSPITAL - ANNETTE'S ROOM - DAY

       Annette is in bad shape. The candy striper nervously 
       stands beside her, holding a syringe.

                           ANNETTE
                 "Bad wirin'?!"  Well, if that ain't 
                 the biggest crock-a-shit ever.
                     (turning on the candy 
                      striper)
                 Ooowwww-Jesus!  Did K-Mart have a sale 
                 on dull needles?

                           CANDY STRIPER
                 I-I just need one more "do-over."

       EXT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W.

       Follow the contestants up to the door.

       INT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W. - MAIN HALL

       A smokey room with DRUNKEN VETS at the bar and 
       CONTESTANTS, in Sunday best, crowded around some tables.  
       They couldn't seem more out of place.

       INT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W. - MAIN HALL

       SUPER: JUDGES INTERVIEWS - 3 DAYS BEFORE THE PAGEANT

                           GLADYS
                 So, remember the three most important 
                 parts of a good interview...

                           IRIS
                 Okay, everybody, listen up!

                           GLADYS
                 Number one, American Teen Princess' 
                 don't cross their legs like 
                 streetwalkers.

       The girls put their knees together.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 Excuse me, Miss Penthouse Ninety-
                 eight, put your knees together.
                     (contestants laugh)
                 I could drive a boat show in there.

       Gladys paces.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 Ankles together.  Hands resting 
                 lightly on your laps.  Good.  Sit up 
                 straight.  Smile!

                                                       JUMP CUT TO:

       INT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W. - MAIN HALL

                           GLADYS
                 All right.  Number two: the judges are 
                 as nervous as you are.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM

       JUDGES - HAROLD, JOHN and JEAN KANGAS (Lester's 
       secretary) sit at a table, clipboards in front of them, 
       STARING at the camera.  HANKS sits behind them, 
       fidgeting.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 So are you about ready to start the 
                 judging - start the interview, there?

                           JOHN
                     (after long beat)
                 Uh, I-I guess I could answer that.  
                 Yep.  We're ready.  So, we should 
                 probably get the young girls in here, 
                 then.  Y'know, to start the 
                 interviews...

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM

       Tess enters, sits, then quickly remembers how to sit.  
       Judges nervously look at their clipboards - pencils 
       ready.

                           HAROLD
                     (trouble reading)
                 Uh, "if you could be any tree in the 
                 woods, what kinda tree would you be?"

                           TESS
                     (long pause)
                 Dogwood.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON MOLLY HOWARD, seated.

                           MOLLY
                 Bonsai.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON LESLIE, seated.

                           LESLIE
                 Green?

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON MICHELLE JOHANSON, seated.

                           MICHELLE
                 A tree?  I can be any tree you want.  
                 Gimme a minute.

       She begins vocal and facial warm-up exercises.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON BECKY, seated.

                           BECKY
                 One with strong roots in a community 
                 like Mount Rose, a solid Christian 
                 trunk and long leafy branches to 
                 provide shade for handicapped kids on 
                 a hot summer day.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON LISA SWENSON, seated, staring for a long beat, then:

                           LISA
                 You guys know the retard's pants are 
                 open?
                     (laughing)
                 I don't want to see that.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON THE JUDGES - Harold reads, John stares longingly.

                           HAROLD
                 "Who would you pick to be president, 
                 dead or alive?"

       PAN OVER to Molly Howard.

                           MOLLY
                 Uh, Emperor Hirohito.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON LESLIE, seated...

                           LESLIE
                 Brett Favre!

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON BECKY, seated.

                           BECKY
                 My mother, kcause she could solve 
                 world hunger with one of her blue-
                 ribbon rhubarb pies, create world 
                 peace with one of her prayers and 
                 still find time to look 
                 beautiful...for my dad, Lester Leeman.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       John Dough drinks nervously from his water glass.

                           JOHN
                 D-do you like to swim?

       The other judges look at him, then at their clipboards 
       trying to find this question.

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON LISA SWENSON

                           LISA
                 Oh-yah, I love to swim.  When I was in 
                 New York, I met Greg Louganis at one-a 
                 my brothers' shows...

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       Janelle, sings a long answer.  The Judges look at each 
       other confused and frustrated.

                           JOHN
                 What the hell is she trying to say?
                     (yelling)
                 Say it!

                           JANELLE
                 The ktards pants are completely off!

       The Judges turn and look at Hank.

                           HAROLD
                 Close up shop.  Close up shop, Hank.

                           HANK
                 Harold!

                           HAROLD
                 Close up shop!

       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

       ON HAROLD

                           HAROLD
                 You Amber Atkins?

                           AMBER (O.S.)
                 Yes.  Yes I am.  Thank you, hello.

       All judges turn a page on their clipboards.

                           HAROLD
                 "Name and spell all the United States 
                 in alphabetical order."

       PAN OVER to a stunned Amber.

                           AMBER
                 Seriously?

                           HAROLD (O.S.)
                 Ah-yep.

       Amber can't believe what she's hearing.

                           AMBER
                 Well, ah...Alabama.  A-L-A-B-A-M-A.  
                 Alaska.  A-L-A-S-K-A.  Arizona.  A-R-I-
                 Z-O-N-A.

                                           
       V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

                           AMBER
                 West Virginia.  W-E-S-T-V-I-R-G-N-I-A.  
                 Wisconsin.  W-I-S-C-O-N-S-O-N.  
                 Wyoming.  W-Y-O-M-I-N-G. 

       Pan over to Judges.  They can't believe it.  Hank CLAPS 
       retardedly.  He loves her.

                           HAROLD
                     (looking at others)
                 Uh-okay, then.

       INT. DAKOTA COUNTY EATING DISORDERS CLINIC - MARY'S ROOM

       A NURSE now stands beside Mary.

                           MARY
                 With two weeks until the pageant...
                     (continued labored breaths)
                 I was practicing my talent.  Finishing 
                 my costume, brushing up on current 
                 events, and running eighteen miles a 
                 day on about four hundred calories.  I 
                 was ready.

       The nurse gives her a hit of oxygen.  Mary smiles and 
       gives a THUMBS UP from behind the oxygen mask.

       DRESSING ROOM - HALLWAY

       PAN DOWN long, narrow room.  A counter, with mirrors and 
       bare bulbs, cover one wall.  Girls set up their areas and 
       change into their talent costumes.

       SUPER: DRESS REHEARSAL - DAY BEFORE THE PAGEANT

                           IRIS
                 Coupla things...Gladys wants to be 
                 sure we go in show order today.  All 
                 right?  So very important.  Don't 
                 forget that.

                                                            CUT TO:

       DRESSING ROOM - HALLWAY

       CLOSE ON LESLIE MILLER, in cheerleading uniform, standing 
       beside small framed photos of her boyfriend on the 
       counter.

                           LESLIE
                     (unusually serious)
                 Oh-yah, really nervous.  It's been 
                 about two months.  I haven't told my 
                 boyfriend yet.  How did you know?

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 I meant, nervous about the pageant?

                           LESLIE
                     (suddenly perky)
                 Oh!  Nervous about the pageant!  Yah 
                 sure!  

       She kisses a photo and GIGGLES.

                                                            CUT TO:

       DRESSING ROOM - HALLWAY

       CLOSE ON BECKY holding a sequin-covered poodle skirt and 
       sweater.

                           BECKY
                 There are eight thousand sequins and 
                 fifteen hundred beads on the skirt, 
                 alone.  My mom and Mrs. Lopez make it.  
                 She's one of my father's many Mexican 
                 (Me'hee'kan) workers he lifts from the 
                 poverty they know in Mexico 
                 (Me'heek'koe).

                                                            CUT TO:

       DRESSING ROOM - HALLWAY

       CLOSE ON AMBER ATKINS at the far end of the counter.

                           AMBER
                 Yah-my ma's clothes all melted onto 
                 mine forming like this big polyester 
                 meteor in our closet, y'know?  But, in 
                 some kinda weird miracle, our neighbor 
                 boy, Kenny Johanson, found my tap 
                 costume on the roof-a their trailer 
                 while he was settin' coon traps for 
                 his dad.  Here's the weird part.  It 
                 was still on the hanger.

       DRESSING ROOM - HALLWAY

       CLOSE ON TESS WEINHAUS wearing "I love German Shepherds" 
       sweatshirt, standing beside various trinkets.

                           TESS
                 And, uh, this is my lucky bolt.  They 
                 think it fell from a DC-10.  The 
                 doctor said I was lucky the flat side 
                 hit me, um, otherwise it coulda gone 
                 right through my head.
                     (holds up red tap dress)
                 I know, I know, gives me the willies, 
                 too.  I guess the explosion...

       Janelle Betz, wearing a flowing, nymph-like dress with 
       ballet slippers, glides up to Amber.

                           JANELLE
                     (slow, due to signing)
                 Amber?  Can we switch numbers?  I need 
                 to go first.
                     (smiling to camera)
                 My cousin just had a deaf baby and I 
                 get to go see it!

                           AMBER
                 Yah-sure, eight's my luck number 
                 anyway.  Diane Sawyer was number eight 
                 at her local.

                           JANELLE
                 Thank you.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY

       ON STAGE "Through the Eyes of Love" plays as Janelle 
       performs her INTERPRETATIVE DANCE while signing the 
       words.  In the f.g., Gladys appears very serious.

                           GLADYS
                     (loud whisper)
                 I'll be honest.  This is a hard time 
                 for me.  This is the part of the 
                 pageant when you realize that tomorrow 
                 night, all but one of these girls will 
                 walk out of here a loser.  It's hard 
                 for me to know how that must feel, but 
                 I'm sure it doesn't feel good.

       In b.g., a BIG STAGE LIGHT FALLS on Janelle's head.  
       CRASH!  Gladys and CAMERA rush the stage.  "Through the 
       Eyes of Love" continues throughout.

       EXT. LORETTA'S TRAILER - PORCH - THAT NIGHT

       A very shaken Amber paces.

                           AMBER
                 Don't you get it?  I was supposed to 
                 go first.  I was contestant number 
                 one.  That light was meant for my 
                 head.  If Janelle hadn't wanted to 
                 change numbers... God, I owe my life 
                 to that deaf baby.

       Loretta enters, portable phone and drink in hand.

                           LORETTA
                 That was your mom.  She wanted you to 
                 have this.

                           AMBER
                     (taking drink)
                 Really, Loretta?

                           LORETTA
                     (avoiding eye contact)
                 You-betcha.

                           AMBER
                 My mom wanted me to have this?

                           LORETTA
                 Oh, shut up.  I thought it might help 
                 you get some sleep.

                           AMBER
                 Loretta, never have kids.

                           LORETTA
                 Well God-love-ya for thinkin' I still 
                 could.

       Loretta pulls a bag out of a closet and hands it to 
       Amber.

                           LORETTA (cont'd)
                 Here, your ma did want you to have 
                 this since your other one got toasted 
                 and all.

       Amber pulls out an ELEGANT GREEN GOWN.

                           AMBER
                 Oh...my...God!  It's just like Diane 
                 Sawyer's!  kCourse it's not a size 
                 ten, Diane was a little hippy back 
                 then.  Oh, thank you!  Thank you!  
                 Thank you!

       She hugs Loretta.

       EXT./INT. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN ENTRANCE - NIGHT

       SUPER: NIGHT OF THE PAGEANT

       BANNER: "Welcome to the Mount Rose American Teen Princess 
       Pageant, sponsored by Sarah Rose COSMETICS."  The ENTIRE 
       TOWN is excitedly entering.

       CLOSE ON 

       Mr. and Mrs. Howard and their daughter Tina, who's 
       embarrassed and continues to rant as they pass.  All 
       three wear T-shirts with MOLLY'S FACE on them.

                           MR. HOWARD
      
                           MRS. HOWARD
                 Go Molly!  Go!  Number one daughter!

       Behind them Leslie Miller's boyfriend, PAT, and a group 
       of ROWDY GUYS approach. 

                           PAT
                 Whooo!  Leslie kicks Teen Princess 
                 ass!  Go Muskies!

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY

       STAGE IS DARK.  Crowd takes their seats.  You can feel 
       the electricity.

       We hear the TAPE of a DRUM ROLL.  SPOTLIGHT hits center 
       stage.  Gladys enters wearing a gaudy gown, takes mic.  
       Applause!

                           GLADYS
                 Welcome, welcome.  Okay, alright, now.  
                 Is this for me or the gown?

       Laughter and applause trail off.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 Welcome to the Mount Rose American 
                 Teen Princess Pageant.  While every 
                 contestant you'll meet tonight is 
                 special and unique, they all have one 
                 thing in common.  They're all "Proud - 
                 to - be - an - American!"

       Wild applause!  Jazzy patriotic medley tape.  Gym doors 
       fly open and like a Felliniesque Vegas review, 
       CONTESTANTS enter wearing gowns and U.S. Monument 
       Headdresses.  They struggle to maintain balance as they 
       dance, moving only their arms, on stage.

                                                            CUT TO:

       Becky, whose head is built like another president into 
       Mount Rushmore, is first at the mic.  (The "dance" 
       continues behind each contestant as she steps up to the 
       mic.)

                           BECKY
                 I chose Mount Rushmore, because to 
                 live in a country where you can take 
                 an ugly old mountain and put faces on 
                 it, faces of great Americans, who did 
                 so much to make our country super 
                 great, well that makes me - Rebecca 
                 Leeman - PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - MONTAGE

       A MONTAGE of OPENING NUMBER INTRODUCTIONS

       ON LISA SWENSON

       wearing a Statue of Liberty Headdress.  (It's a Barbie 
       Doll that holds an unlit birthday candle.)

                           LISA
                 Living in a country where Lady Liberty 
                 keeps h