by Judd Apatow

Based on a Screenplay by

Lou Holtz Jr.

Shooting Script October 31, 1995 (White)

Revised Pages November 13, 1995 (Blue)

Revised Pages November 14, 1995 (Pink)

1 FULL FRAME - WHITE NOISE

Credits begin. The entire frame is filled with white noise within which one can make out thefaint

image of a television program. Every few moments the channel changes, revealing a new ghostly

image.

The camera pulls back very slowly. We reveal that this image is coming from a twenty seven inch

television.

The camera pulls back some more and we see a man's hand enter frame holding a remote

control. The hand changes channels frantically.

The camera pulls back into its final position and we see STEVEN BARTOWSKY, thirty

years old, sitting on his couch. He is trying to find a channel with viewable reception.

Unfortunately for him ?his cable is not hooked up.

STEVE

(looks at watch)

Jesus, where's the cable guy already?

END OF CREDIT SEQUENCE

1A INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

It is a stylish old apartment. There are half unpacked boxes strewn about the floor. Steven has just

moved in. The phone rings.

STEVEN

(into the phone)

Hello.

2 NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS

We see Steven's best friend RICK standing in the middle of a busy newsroom. He is a rough

looking, cynical local news cameraman. In the background, hanging from the ceiling is a television

set.

ON THE TV - An anchorman sits at his desk fixing his hair as he waits to go on the air. A graphic

on the screen says "Sam Sweet Trial Update."

RICK

How's the move going?

3 INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Steven unpacks as they speak. The phone call intercuts between the two locations.

STEVEN

Horrible. The cable guy is missing in

action. Apparently he's going to be here

sometime between eight AM and my death.

RICK

You haven't called Robin have you?

Please tell me you didn't call her.

STEVEN

(sarcastically)

No, I'm giving her space.

(beat)

I can't believe she's doing this.

RICK

You never should have asked her to marry

you. You're the mad smotherer.

STEVEN

All she had to do was say no. She didn't

have to kick me out. I feel like Felix

Unger.

RICK

You forced her to evaluate the

relationship. If you didn't propose she

would never have realized how unhappy she

was.

STEVE

I don't want to talk about it.

So what time are you going to come by?

RICK

I can't. I'm working double shifts the

rest of the week.

STEVEN

It's my first night here. Don't do this

to me.

RICK

The other camera guy pulled out his back.

Besides, I spent the last two weeks with

you on my couch. Isn't that enough?

STEVEN

Fine, fine.

RICK

One piece of advice. Slip the cable guy

fifty bucks, he'll give you all the movie

channels for free. Even the dirty ones.

STEVEN

I couldn't. I'm not good at that stuff.

What if he says no? I'll feel like an

idiot.

RICK

None of them say no, believe me. I'll

talk to you later.

Steven hangs up, and waits.

DISSOLVE TO:

4 INT. STEVEN'S LIVING ROOM - LATER

Steven continues unpacking. He is very neat. He opens a box and finds a pictures of him with his

ex-girlfriend. He looks at one sadly, considering whether or not to put it on display. He puts it

back in the box.

4A EXT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

Establishing shot of a renovated apartment building built in the nineteen twenties. A moving truck

pulls into a gated side garage.

5 INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - LATER

Movers deliver a small breakfast table and chairs. Steven directs them as to where to put them.

CLOSE UP OF CLOCK - 3:52 P.M.

6 INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - LATER

Steven puts a few feet of tin foil on his antenna to help the reception. He changes channels. Still

nothing. He pulls it off frustrated.

7 INT. STEVEN'S LIVING ROOM - LATER

Many of the boxes are gone. Steven lies on the couch, staring at the ceiling, fidgeting. He is unable

to fill his day without cable.

STEVEN

Where the hell is he?

8 INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - LATER

Steven paces back and forth across the room. He stares at his watch frequently.

CLOSE UP OF CLOCK - 5:12 P.M.

9 INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - LATER

Steven slowly eats a sandwich in his empty kitchen. He looks at the clock. It says five-thirty. He

picks up the phone and dials. A machine picks up.

ROBIN (VO)

Hi, this is Robin. Leave a message. If

you are trying to reach Steven he can now

be reached at 555-3837.

Steven hangs up.

10 INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - SUNSET

Steven does sit ups. He looks at the clock.

CLOSE UP OF THE CLOCK - 6:48 P.M.

STEVEN

(to himself)

Forget it. Idiots.

He gets up, and walks into the bathroom.

11 INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Steven gets undressed. He turns on the shower, adjusts the heat, then gets in. He tries to lose his

tension by letting the hot water engulf him. He takes some shampoo, and lathers up his hair.

THE DOORBELL RINGS

STEVEN

(annoyed)

Oh great.

THE DOORBELL RINGS SEVERAL TIMES

Steven jumps out of the shower, soaking wet, throws on a bathrobe and runs to the door.

STEVEN

Don't leave! I'm here! I'm here!

12 INT. STEVEN'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Steven runs to the door.

CABLE GUY (OS)

Hello! Cable Guy!

Steven reaches the door, and looks through the peep-hole.

P.O.V. THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE

The CABLE GUY is walking away.

INT. STEVEN'S LIVING ROOM/HALLWAY - DAY

Steven opens the door and yells to the Cable Guy.

(Revised 11/14/95 - Pink)

STEVEN

Hey, wait!

The Cable Guy turns back.

CABLE GUY

Well, look who decided to show up. I was

just gonna go collect my retirement

pension.

The Cable Guy wears a clean white jump suit, and is extremely confident despite the fact that he

speaks with a slight lisp. This lisp gives him a child-like quality.

STEVEN

You were supposed to be here four hours

ago.

CABLE GUY

Was I? So I'm the tardy one. Good to

know.

STEVEN

Yes. I had to go to the Bed 'n Bath

place, but now it's closed.

CABLE GUY

(turns to leave)

Maybe I shouldn't have come at all ?jerk

off!

(turns back smiling)

I'm just joking. Let's do this.

(looks around)

Oh, the old McNair place. I never thought

they'd get the floors clean after what

happened here.

STEVEN

What happened?

CABLE GUY

(long beat)

They had a lot of cats.

They walk into Steven's living room.

CABLE GUY

Hey, this could be a cool pad. Here is a

comment card.

He pulls out a card, and hands it to Steven without turning back to look at him.

CABLE GUY

Please mail it in when I am done.

STEVEN

These go to your boss?

CABLE GUY

No, they go to me. I'm a

perfectioniss?perfectioniss?

(he strains to lose his lisp)

perfectioniss卼.

Now let's take a look at what we're

dealing with.

The Cable Guy walks around the room with his hands out, sensing the space.

CABLE GUY

Come on baby. Come on baby. Talk to me

baby. Tell me where you like it. That's

it baby.

He zones in on one wall. He fells the wall in a sensuous manner.

CABLE GUY

Here's your sweet spot.

He pulls out his drill, and begins drilling.

CABLE GUY

So your lady kicked you out.

STEVEN

What?

CABLE GUY

In preparing your service I noticed you

were previously wired across town at 1268

and a half Chestnut. Last week the

billing was transferred to one Robin

Harris. Smells like heartbreak to me.

STEVEN

I really don't want to talk about it with

you. Could you please just install my

cable? I'm going to get dressed.

CABLE GUY

No sweat.

Steven walks away, into the hallway. A moment later the Cable Guy runs to him.

CABLE GUY

Hey, I'm going to go to the hallway so I

can access the floorboards. Don't be

spooked if you hear someone crawling

underneath you.

STEVEN

Okay, whatever.

Steven walks toward his bedroom.

CABLE GUY

Put on your bathing suit 'cause you'll be

channel surfing in no time.

The Cable Guy pulls the trigger on his drill twice to punctuate his joke.

13 INT. - STEVEN'S LIVING ROOM - LATER

CLOSE UP - THE TELEVISION

RIKKI KLIEMAN from COURT TV broadcasts from their studio.

RIKKI KLIEMAN

(to camera)

So ends day fifty-four of the trial of

former child star Sam Sweet who has been

accused of shooting his twin brother,

Stan, in cold blood. The twins were

stars of the hit sitcom "Double Trouble"

which aired from nineteen seventy-seven

till nineteen eighty-four.

A video package rolls in - We see several photographs of Sam Sweet and his twin brother at

various ages. Included is the cast photo of "Double Trouble." Pictured in the photo are eight-year-

old Stan and Sam and Conrad Janis as their single dad.

We see a brief clip from "Double Trouble," starring the two eight-year-old boys, then a shot of

Sam Sweet being taken out of a police car in handcuffs.

RIKKI KLIEMAN

(to camera)

Life wasn't so sweet after the cancellation

of their program. Hollywood chewed them

up and spit them out. A frustrated Sam

turned to petty larceny, while his more

impressionable brother, Stan, fell in

with a fringe cult called "The

Brotherhood of Friends." Reduced to

tabloid fodder a fury was growing inside

of Sam. A burning need to be recognized

as an individual, not a person famous for

having an identical twin. A need that

took the form of four shotgun blasts on

the night of November fourteenth. And so

today his attorneys continue the unusual

defense of "Twin Envy."

ANGLE ON

Steven re-enters the room. The Cable Guy is watching television.

STEVEN

How's it going?

The Cable Guy holds up one finger as if to say "quiet." His eyes never leave the TV.

CABLE GUY

Guilty, guilty, guilt-freakin-tee. I

hope they fry this bastard.

Steven sees that the Cable Guy has completely redecorated the room in a fashion which makes the

room impractical for anything other than watching television. The TV is now on the stairs

blocking the entrance into the living room. All furniture faces the TV, making conversation

impossible.

STEVEN

(looks around)

What happened?

CABLE GUY

(jumps to his feet)

The arrangement of your major appliances

and your furniture was causing some noisy

pics and hum bars in your reception. I

moved a few things. Cleared it right up.

Is that cool?

STEVEN

(non-confrontational)

I?guess so.

CABLE GUY

You programmed?

(off of Steven's look)

Then let me slave your remotes.

He picks up Steven's remotes, punches in a complicated series of commands, then points them at

each other. As he holds them together he makes a face as if their power is surging through him.

CABLE GUY

Ooh, maybe we should leave these two

alone.

STEVEN

So after this I'll only need one remote

for everything?

CABLE GUY

You know you're pretty good at this. You

could be a cable guy yourself.

(he finishes)

Now let me check your levels.

With amazing alacrity he adjusts color setting, sound controls, closed captioned, etc. Then he

clicks through the channels. A music video, documentary on Hitler, Oprah Winfrey Show, starving

kids, Barney, court TV. The Cable Guy watches emotionless.

CABLE GUY

All right. That about does it. I just

have some paperwork for you to fill out.

Sign here.

Steven does.

CABLE GUY

That gave me power of attorney over you.

(beat)

Joking.

Steven laughs. The Cable Guy joins him, but then continues to laugh way too hard for way too

long. As the laugh ends it quickly turns into an awkward moment. The Cable Guy does not want

to leave.

CABLE GUY

I'm about finished here.

(beat)

Okay. I feel good about this.

Cable Guy walks to the door.

STEVEN

One thing.

CABLE GUY

(turns back immediately)

Yeah!

STEVEN

I?uh?I have this friend and he said

he gave his cable guy fifty bucks and he

got free movie channels. Have you ever

heard of anything like that?

CABLE GUY

(deadly serious)

You mean illegal cable?

STEVEN

Uh?yes.

CABLE GUY

Who told you that? I want his name.

STEVEN

Forget it.

CABLE GUY

You're offering me a bribe? What you

have just done is illegal, and in this

state if convicted, you could be fined

five-thousand dollars or spend six months

in a correctional facility.

STEVEN

Please?that was dumb. I was just

making conversation ?

CABLE GUY

(laughs)

I'm just jerking your chain. Wake up

little snoozy. I'll juice you up. All

it is is a push of a button.

He puts his arm around Steven and walks him toward the front door.

STEVEN

Oh, great. How much?

CABLE GUY

Don't worry about it. I couldn't charge

you. Your girl just booted you.

Consider it one guy doing another guy a

solid.

STEVEN

That is so nice.

CABLE GUY

Hey, you're a 'nice' guy. You'd be

surprised how many customers treat you

like shit, like I'm a god damn plumber or

something.

(hands him a card)

Here is my personal beeper number. It's

just for my preferred customers. Never

call the company, they'll just put you on

hold.

STEVEN

Thanks. Really.

(holds up comment card - jokes)

You're gonna get some good marks here.

CABLE GUY

Maybe some day I'll take you out to the

satellite and show you how all this stuff

works. It's really incredible.

STEVEN

Sure. We should do that one day.

CABLE GUY

How 'bout tomorrow?

STEVEN

Tomorrow? Tomorrow's not good.

CABLE GUY

What are you going to do, sit home and

stew about your ex?

STEVEN

No.

CABLE GUY

(insulted)

Oh, okay. I guess I crossed the line.

Sorry.

STEVEN

(guilty)

You didn't cross the line.

CABLE GUY

No? Cool. I'll pick you up at six-thirty.

On the flip side.

The Cable Guy leaves before Steven can reconsider. Steven cannot believe he just got roped into

that.

(End Revision - Pink)

14 INT. CITYWIDE LAND DEVELOPERS - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Steven is in the middle of a presentation to his co-workers. His boss, HAL DANIELS, looks

impressed.

Steven pulls a sheet off of an architect's model of a condominium complex.

STEVEN

匱here are twenty-four classrooms; each

can be converted into a 1400 square foot

home. The facility has two tennis courts,

an Olympic size pool and full gym, with a

stage if the residents decide they want

to perform "Oklahoma."

Everyone laughs. Steven is very good at his job.

STEVEN

The kitsch appeal of living in an old

schoolhouse should be very attractive to

young, upwardly mobile home buyers. And

most important, the structure is

available in foreclosure. If we put down

a cash bid, we're going to steal this

thing.

There is a pause, then everyone applauds. Mr. Daniels walks over to Steven and puts a proud arm

around him. They speak as the meeting breaks up.

MR. DANIELS

Great work Steve-o. So you're feeling

good?

STEVE

Yeah.

MR. DANIELS

Did I hear something about you having

some troubles at home?

STEVE

Robin and I have been having a difficult

time. I moved out, but I really think

it's only temporary.

MR. DANIELS

Gotcha. I love this project, but it's a

big mother. Know what I mean? If it

fails, corporate's going to have my ass.

I've got confidence in you, but you hear

where I'm coming from, bro?

STEVEN

Absolutely. Now I've got more time than

ever. It's a good thing.

(laughs)

I know I can pull this thing off.

MR. DANIELS

(playfully)

Then what are you doing talking to me?

You've got a lot of work to do. Get to

it!

STEVEN

Thank you. I will.

Hal goes down the stairs to his office. Steven watches him disappear, then turns to his secretary,

JOAN.

STEVEN

I'll be right back.

14A INT. SASSY MAGAZINE OFFICES - DAY

Steven walks through the halls looking for Robin's office.

15 OMITTED

16 INT. ROBIN'S OFFICE AT SASSY MAGAZINE - DAY

ROBIN HARRIS, an attractive woman in her late twenties, sits at her desk at "Sassy Magazine."

Her office is fairly nice, but she is definitely not at the upper level of the company yet. There are

papers spread all over her desk. On her walls are pictures from the magazine, and articles she has

written.

Steven peeks his head in her door.

STEVEN

Hello.

Robin's face drops.

ROBIN

Steven, what are you doing here?

STEVEN

I was just in the area. Thought I'd pop

by. How's work? How'd the big teen crush

article come out?

(Revised 11/13/95 - Blue)

ROBIN

They liked it.

(beat)

I thought we agreed we weren't going to

see each other for a month.

STEVEN

I know, it's just Daniels accepted my

proposal to renovate the old schoolhouse.

ROBIN

That's wonderful, congratulations.

STEVEN

I know I'm breaking the rules, but come

have dinner with me tonight to celebrate.

ROBIN

I don't think we should.

STEVEN

Come on, this is the biggest day of my

career.

ROBIN

Don't put me in this position.

STEVEN

What position? I want to share this with

you.

ROBIN

(feeling pressured)

I love you, but I need to take some time

on my own to see how I feel. You agreed

to this. I mean?this is exactly why we

broke up, because you never listen to me.

STEVE

What? Now we're broken up? What

happened to 'trial separation?'

ROBIN

I can't get into this now. If you haven't

noticed, I'm at work.

STEVE

Sorry to disturb you.

He turns to leave.

(Revised 11/14/95 - Pink)

ROBIN

(sincerely)

Steven. Congratulations. I know how

much this means to you. You deserve it.

STEVEN

Thanks.

He leaves.

17 OMITTED

17A INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - SIX-THIRTY P.M.

Steven is watching television. He looks lonely and depressed. He clicks around in a daze, never

stopping for more than a second.

He hears a horn honking outside.

CABLE GUY (OS)

Steven!!!! Stev-ey!!!! Let's go!!!!

ON THE TV - A commercial for Medieval Times Restaurant.

Steven walks over to the window and sees The Cable Guy standing in front of his van, leaning in

his window honking the horn.

CABLE GUY

Steven!!!!

(waves)

Hey buddy!!! Come on down!!!

Steven waves and then steps back from the window. He doesn't know what to do. He looks at the

television.

ON THE TV - The local news.

REPORTER

Coming up next a special report,

"Loneliness, America's Silent Killer."

Steven looks back out the window and sees the Cable Guy smiling and waving for him to come

down.

STEVEN

(begins walking to the door)

What the hell.

18 EXT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DUSK

Steven walks from his apartment to the customized van. On the side of the white van it says, "The

Cable Company - Get Wired Today."

STEVEN

How's it going?

CABLE GUY

Howdy partner. Climb aboard.

Steven gets in.

19 INT. VAN - CONTINUOUS

The van drives onto the main boulevard.

CABLE GUY

Thanks for coming out. You know most

people think cable is just a simple co-ax

that comes out of the wall. They never

take the time to understand how it works.

STEVEN

Where exactly are we goin?

CABLE GUY

We're going to take a ride on the

information superhighway.

20 EXT. CITY - DUSK

Birds eye P.O.V., shot follows the Cable Guy's van as it drives through the city.

CABLE GUY

匢t all started in Lansford,

Pennsylvania where Panther Valley

Television, with the assistance of Jerrod

Electronics, created the first cable

television system.

The van drives up into the hills, finally revealing a huge satellite dish on top of a small mountain,

overlooking the entire city.

CABLE GUY

I went to Lansford once. It's the Cable

Guy's Mecca. It was very emotional.

21 EXT. WOODED AREA - DUSK

Steven and the Cable Guy get out of the van, and walk down a trail.

CABLE GUY

I come here to think sometimes. To clear

my head.

They turn a corner and the satellite dish is right in front of them. It is enormous. Next to it is a

one-hundred and fifty foot antenna. Next to that is a small fenced-in shack where the satellite's

controls are located.

CABLE GUY

There she is. Right now she's sending

entertainment and information to millions

of satisfied citizens.

STEVEN

That's pretty impressive.

CABLE GUY

See, I knew the moment I met you that

you would appreciate this.

The Cable Guy runs to the dish. A few seconds later he appears inside of it.

CABLE GUY

(with wonder)

The future is now. Soon every American

home will integrate their television,

phone, and computer. You'll be able to

visit the Louvre on one channel, and

watch female mud wrestling on

another. You can do your shopping at

home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend

in Vietnam. There's no end to the

possibilities.

(waves to Steven)

Come on up! What are you waiting for?!

22 INT. SATELLITE DISH - NIGHT

The Cable Guy and Steven are lying in the middle of the dish, looking up at the night sky.

CABLE GUY

Sometimes I'll sit here and imagine that

there are billions of bits of information

surging through me.

STEVEN

I've watched a lot of TV in my life. I

guess I've always taken it for granted.

CABLE GUY

When I was a kid my mom worked nights.

Never met dad. But the old TV was always

there for me.

STEVEN

I know what you mean. My dad was there,

but he might as well have been gone. My

mom is a stewardess. She was always out

of town.

CABLE GUY

(moved)

That's tough. You must have a lot of

abandonment issues. Reality isn't "Father

Knows Best," it's a kick in the face on

Saturday night. But what doesn't kill us

makes us stronger, right?

STEVEN

(tentative)

You know my brother's a speech therapist.

The Cable Guy sits up. He looks angry.

CABLE GUY

So?

There is a long silence. Steven doesn't know how to react.

STEVEN

Never mind.

The Cable Guy sits back down and pretends Steven never mentioned it.

CABLE GUY

(beat)

So, you're pretty love struck about your

lady, huh?

STEVEN

I miss her. I asked her to marry me, and

she asked me to move out.

CABLE GUY

I hate that.

STEVEN

She said she felt pressured. Can you

believe that?

CABLE GUY

Women are a labyrinth. Can I be frank? I

don't think you listen to her. I think

you try to tell her what she wants to

hear. She wants you to thirst for

knowledge about who she is. All the

complicated splendor that is woman. When

your love is truly giving, it will come

back to you ten-fold.

STEVEN

You're right. That is remarkably

insightful.

CABLE GUY

Yeah, it was Jerry Springer's final

thought on Friday's show.

23 EXT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT BUILDING - LATER

The van pulls up in front of Steven's apartment building.

CABLE GUY

You know what? Women are suckers for

"Sleepless in Seattle." It's on HBO this

month. That's your bait right there.

STEVEN

Robin loves that movie.

CABLE GUY

They all do. Next time you talk to her

tell her you're cooking yourself dinner,

and watching it by yourself. Sound like

you're happier than a pig in shit.

She'll come running. Betcha. Then just

play it cool.

STEVEN

Maybe I will.

Steven gets out of the car.

STEVEN

Thanks a lot. I'm embarrassed to say

this, but I don't know your name. What

is it?

CABLE GUY

(touched)

You really want to know my name? You do?

Really? It's Ernie Douglas. But my

friends call me Chip.

STEVEN

I'll see ya' Chip.

Before he can exit the van, the Cable Guy is staring him in the eyes.

CABLE GUY

Let's just remember right now. You know

some people walk through their entire

lives and never find a true friend.

(long pause)

I guess we're the lucky ones.

(End Revised - Pink)

STEVEN'S P.O.V. - The Cable Guy is in slow motion. He blinks once.

STEVEN

Uh?good-bye.

CABLE GUY

Later buddy. I'll catch ya' on the

flip side.

Steven exits the van feeling a little uncomfortable.

24 INT. COFFEEHOUSE - NEXT DAY

Steven and Robin are talking. Robin does not look happy to see him.

STEVEN

I don't listen to you. I pretend to

understand but I'm really just saying

what I think you want to hear. So from

now on I'm going to try my best to listen

more because I do love you and am

interested in learning about every detail

about the complicated splendor that is

you.

Robin looks at him, somewhat shocked.

ROBIN

Oh.

STEVEN

I want us to get back together, but I can

see why taking this time might be good

for us. So, I'm not mad.

After a long beat, Robin smiles.

ROBIN

Sometimes time apart is healthy.

STEVEN

You're right. Well, that's what I came

here to say. Look, I've got to get back

to the office.

He starts getting up.

ROBIN

So, are you doing anything tomorrow?

STEVEN

I'm just going to cook myself dinner and

watch a movie. "Sleepless in Seattle" is

on cable.

ROBIN

Really?

STEVEN

If you're around you should drop by and

check out the new apartment.

ROBIN

Okay, maybe I will.

He exits the room. As he does we see a television broadcasting the Sweet case.

ON MTV - Sam Sweet sits behind the defendant's table. TABITHA SOREN is giving the news

update.

TABITHA SOREN

Today in the Sam Sweet case the

prosecution played the 911 call that Sam

Sweet made the night he murdered his

brother. Keep in mind, he confessed one

month later.

The courtroom listens to a 911 phone call. The transcription is seen on the screen.

SAM SWEET V ON THE TAPE

(crying and babbling)

Hello, please send help. My twin brother

has been shot.

911 OPERATOR

Slow down sir. What happened?

SAM SWEET

Oh my god, they shot him with a shot gun

four times. I mean I think it was a

shotgun. Who would do such a thing?! I

think it was an Asian gang or something.

They were speaking some other language.

Sam leans over and whispers something in his lawyer's ear.

TABITHA SOREN

Hmm. Who indeed? Coming up next, a rare

interview with Michael Jackson's zoo-

keeper.

25 INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM - DAY

Steven is playing a pick-up, full court basketball game with some of his friends. It is a competitive,

but friendly game. Steven is on skins, Rick is on shirts.

STEVEN

Here, here, here.

A player passes to Steven. Rick is covering him. Steven drives to the basket and puts in a lay up.

RICK

(to himself)

Shit! My fault! My fault!

STEVEN

Not your fault. I'm in the zone. There

is no stopping me today.

Play begins again. A player named JEFF takes the ball out, then passes to a heavy-set player who

catches the ball, then drives to the basket. When he does he twists his ankle, dropping the ball. The

ball rolls out of bounds into a dark corner of the gym. We follow it as it rolls on the ground until it

hits a man's sneaker. A pair of hands pick up the ball. The camera tilts up the man's body. It is the

Cable Guy. He is holding another ball. He starts dribbling the two balls in a circular pattern.

CABLE GUY

Hey, you guys play here, too? Cool. I

was just in the neighborhood. Thought I'd

run the court for a couple of innings.

RICK

(gestures to injured player)

Great. We need another man.

STEVEN

This is?Chip Douglas?my cable guy.

Rick smiles in recognition.

CABLE GUY

We met about a week ago during a routine

installation, but I feel like I've known

him my whole life.

Steven can't believe this is happening.

RICK

Oh really. That's sweet. All right Chip

Douglas, you're on shirts. Let's play.

CABLE GUY

No, I want to be on Steven's team. I'm

skins.

The Cable Guy quickly takes off his shirt. Steven looks shocked because underneath his clothes he

is rippled with muscles. The dichotomy between his nerdy face, and his awesome physique is

scary.

JEFF

I don't care, I'll be shirts. Let's just

play.

CABLE GUY

Wait a sec'. I've got to warm up.

The Cable Guy starts running wind sprints across the court, touching all the main lines. Everyone

stares at him until he finishes.

CABLE GUY

Let's get it on!

STEVEN

Are you any good?

CABLE GUY

Feed me under the boards and you'll find

out.

Play begins. The shirts inbound to Jeff. The Cable Guy is all over him, covering him as tightly as

humanly possible. He keeps his hands near Jeff's face, whacks him in the back as he dribbles, etc.

He couldn't be more annoying. Jeff passes to Rick who drives to the basket and puts up a shot

which goes in. Rick and Jeff slap hands.

CABLE GUY

(doing the traveling hand signal)

Traveling! That's traveling!

RICK

Yeah, whatever you say Chip.

Everyone runs down the court, ignoring him.

CABLE GUY

All right, so we're playing that type of

game. Prison rules. I get it.

Steven takes the ball out. The cable Guy runs around the court, attempting to get open. He criss

crosses all over the court.

CABLE GUY

Feed me the rock! Feed me the rock! I'm

open!

Steven passes to the Cable Guy, who drives to the basket, pushing Jeff out of the way in the

process. The ball goes in.

CABLE GUY

(does the foul hand signal)

And one! That's definitely a foul!

(to Jeff)

You want to mug me, my wallet is in my

other pants.

STEVEN

(to Cable Guy)

What are you doing?

CABLE GUY

Don't play from fear Steven. We can take

these guys.

MUSIC UP - SLOW MOTION - STEVEN'S P.O.V.

a. The shirts put a shot which doesn't go in. The Cable Guy swings his elbows wildly as he pulls it

down.

b. The Cable Guy drives to the basket in slow motion violently taking down two men, including

Rick.

c. Rick drives to the basket. On his way he fakes out Steven who falls to the floor. Rick scores.

The Cable guy helps Steven up. As the Cable Guy walks across the court he bangs shoulders

with Rick.

d. The cable Guy passes the ball to Steven, then sets a nasty pick against Rick, who goes down

hard.

CABLE GUY

Take it to the hole!

Steven is so un-nerved by the Cable Guy's behavior that he misses a simple lay up. Steven grabs

his own rebound. When he puts up a second shot, Rick gently fouls him. Steven stumbles to the

ground. The ball does not go in.

CABLE GUY

Hey, are you okay?

He pulls Steven up.

STEVEN

Yeah. I'm fine.

CABLE GUY

Let's switch. I'll cover Rick.

The cable Guy gets in Rick's face and gives him a death stare.

Steven takes out the ball. He passes to a teammate who passes it to the Cable Guy who drives to

the basket, then literally steps on Rick's back and leaps into the air and dunks the ball.

RICK

(enraged)

What the hell was that? That's it. I've

had enough.

Everyone begins to exit the court.

JEFF

Thanks for bringing your "friend".

The Cable Guy runs up to Rick.

CABLE GUY

Good game.

(slaps Rick on the butt)

You were tough out there. Your play

brought me up to a higher level. I mean

that.

RICK

(dismissive)

Yeah.

He shakes his head and exits with the rest of the players.

STEVEN

What are you doing?

CABLE GUY

It was payback time. I was protecting

you.

(Revised 11/14/95 - Pink)

STEVEN

You ruined the game.

CABLE GUY

I don't appreciate your tone Steven.

That's not the way friends speak to each

other.

STEVEN

What are you talking about? I don't even

know you!

CABLE GUY

Well let's fix that. Let me buy you a

Heineken?

STEVEN

No, I'm going home.

Steven turns to leave.

CABLE GUY

Well, uh, I guess we'll talk later. I've

got to go shower up and do some stuff.

I'll call you if I get a chance. Or you

call me?or something.

The Cable guy puts his hand up for Steven to high five. Steven slaps it halfheartedly. Then the

cable guy extends his palm out low by his knee.

CABLE GUY

And down low.

Steven stares at it for a beat. The cable Guy waits. He'll wait as long as it takes. Finally Steven

gives him a low five just so he can leave.

CABLE GUY

(pulls his hand away so Steven misses it)

Too slow. Have a good one.

STEVEN

(as he walks away)

Yeah, have a good one.

26 INT. STEVEN'S APARTMENT - NEXT NIGHT

Steven runs in with a small bag of groceries. He is dressed for a date. He pulls out a bottle of

wine. He opens the oven, and checks on dinner. It is almost ready. Then he checks his message

machine as he prepares the meal. He begins chopping an onion.

(Revised 11/13/95 - Blue)

MESSAGE VOICE

You have eleven messages.

STEVEN'S MOTHER

(ON THE MACHINE)

Steven, it's mom. Give me a call. I'm

still your mother.

STEVEN'S FATHER

(ON THE MACHINE)

I'm getting on. Steven call your mother.

CABLE GUY

(ON THE MACHINE)

Hey Steven. Just checking in. Give me a

ring. I'm at 555-4329.

(beep)

What's up Steven? I'm at a pay phone. If

you're there pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

Okay, I'll be home later. I'll talk to

you then.

Steven stops chopping.

CABLE GUY

(ON THE MACHINE)

(beep)

Okay I'm home now. Give me a buzz when

you get in. I'll be here pretty much all

night. Bye.

(beep tone)

Hey Steven. Quick question, give me a

call when you get a chance.

(beep tone)

I was just taking a whiz, thought you

might have called. Okay later.

(beep tone)

Sorry, I had call waiting, didn't get to

it, thought it might have been you. All

right, bye.

Steven is beginning to get a little wigged out by this. He fast forwards through a sampling of the

rest of the calls.

CABLE GUY

(fast forwards)

匴e're having ourselves quite a little

game of phone tag here. You're it!

(fast forwards)

匢 was just blow drying my hair and I

thought I heard the phone ringing.

(fast forwards)

厃ou're a tough man to reach.

(fast forwards)

I guess you're too busy to call your

friends.

(Revision Ends - Blue)

Steven fast forwards the machine. All he hears is sighing. Then ?

CABLE GUY

(ON THE MACHINE)

(long beat - then quiet and distant)

Shit.

The doorbell rings. Steven takes a deep breath then opens the door. It is Robin. She is dressed

casually, but looks beautiful.

STEVEN

Hey, good to see you.

There is an awkward moment where Steven intentionally doesn't kiss her hello.

STEVEN

Come on in. What do you think of the

place?

She looks at the odd placement of furniture.

ROBIN

You made some interesting choices laying

out the room.

STEVEN

(embarrassed)

That's actually where the movers put the

furniture. I'm gonna change it, very

soon.

ROBIN

No, I like it.

27 INT. STEVEN'S LIVING ROOM - LATER

The food is all eaten. Steven and Robin are sitting on the couch having an awkward conversation.

ROBIN

So how's work?

STEVEN

Work's good.

ROBIN

How's Hal?

STEVEN

Don't get me started. That guy has no

vision. It's like working for Mr. MaGoo.

He's just worthless.

ROBIN

It's just great that you're getting to do

it. It's a real step up.

STEVEN

I know. Now if only someone at corporate

smartened up enough to dump Hal, then I

could really get some stuff done.

ROBIN

It's nice to see you doing so well.

STEVEN

Well, it's nice just to see you.

(looks at his watch)

Hey, it should be starting.

They sit on the couch. Robin moves to sit in closer to Steven. Steven turns on the television. The

screen is filled with white noise. The sound is loud static. He changes channels looking for the

signal. Then fumbles with the remote control as he attempts to lower the volume.

STEVEN

Damn cable is out. Son of a bitch.

ROBIN

It's alright. We can watch it another

night.

STEVEN

No, no. We really should see it now.

Now's a good time.

He plays with the remote, hoping it will magically come back. It doesn't.

STEVEN

Wait, wait. I know what to do.

He walks over to the phone, then pulls the Cable Guy's beeper number out of his wallet. He dials

it, then presses the number in.

STEVEN

The Cable Guy's a friend of mine. I'll

just page him. We'll have this fixed in

no time.

(Revised 11/14/95 - Pink)

Steven dials the Cable Guy's beeper number into the phone. The moment he is finished dialing ?

THERE IS A KNOCK - THE CAMERA WHIP PANS TO THE DOOR

Steven walks to the door and opens it. Standing there is the Cable Guy looking dark and

disturbed, different than we've ever seen him before. Steven is startled.

STEVEN

That was?fast.

CABLE GUY

Is there a problem with your service?

STEVEN

Yeah?my cable went out.

Steven pushes him out into the hall.

CABLE GUY

Really?

The Cable Guy holds up a cut cable cord.

CABLE GUY

So you called me. Interesting how you

call when you need something. Is that how

you treat people?

STEVEN

I've been really busy. You've got to get

my cable going, Robin is here. This is

really important.

He peeks in to get a look at Robin. They make momentary eye contact. Steven pushes him back

out.

CABLE GUY

But calling me back isn't?

STEVEN

I'm sorry. Please, you've got to help me.

CABLE GUY

Why should I help you? I gave you free

cable. What have you ever done for me?

STEVEN

Anything you want. Name it ?quickly.

CABLE GUY

Tomorrow night, we hang out.

STEVEN

Fine, wha