In baseball, you don't know nothing.

--Yogi Berra

Whoever wants to know the heart and

mind of America had better learn

baseball.

--Jacques Barzun

You could look it up.

--Casey Stengel

Titles over--

FADE IN:

A series of still photos. Black and white. Ancient.

BABE RUTH SWINGS -- An icon of American history. His giant

upper body balanced delicately on tiny ankles and feet. The

huge bat in an elegant followthrough...

DISSOLVE TO:

TY COBB ROUNDS THIRD -- The most vicious ballplayer of them

all, a balletic whirling dervish.

DISSOLVE TO:

JACKIE ROBINSON STEALS ROME -- Yogi Berra applies the tag.

Too late.

DISSOLVE TO:

JOE DIMAGGIO WITH HIS SON in the Yankee clubhouse. Walking

down the runway, Joe in uniform. Number five.

PULLBACK REVEALS:

A WALL COVERED WITH BASEBALL PICTURES behind a small table

covered with objects and lit candles. A baseball, an old

baseball card, a broken bat, a rosin bag, a jar of pine tar--

also a peacock feather, a silk shawl, a picture of Isadora

Duncan. Clearly, the arrangement is--

A SHRINE -- And it glows with the candles like some religious

altar.

We hear a woman's voice in a North Carolina accent.

ANNIE (V.O.)

I believe in the Church of

Baseball.

(beat)

I've tried all the major religions

and most of the minor ones--I've

worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma,

Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms,

and Isadora Duncan...

PAN AWAY FROM THE SHRINE across the room. Late afternoon

light spills into the room, across fine old furniture, to a

small dressing table. A WOMAN applies make up.

ANNIE SAVOY, mid 30's, touches up her face. Very pretty,

knowing, outwardly confident. Words flow from her Southern

lips with ease, but her view of the world crosses Southern,

National and International borders. She's cosmic.

ANNIE (V.O. CONT'D)

I know things. For instance--

(beat)

There are 108 beads in a Catholic

rosary. And--

(beat)

There are 108 stitches in a

baseball.

(beat)

When I learned that, I gave Jesus

a chance.

(beat)

But it just didn't work out between

us The Lord laid too much guilt

on me. I prefer metaphysics to

theology.

(beat)

You see, there's no guilt in

baseball...and it's never boring.

ANNIE OPENS A CLOSET DOOR -- Dozens of shoes hang from the

door. She chooses a pair of RED HIGH HEELS, with thin straps.

She sits on a bench and

ANNIE

Which makes It like sex.

(beat)

There's never been a ballplayer

slept with me who didn't have the

best year of his career.

(beat)

Making love is like hitting a

baseball--you just got to relax

and concentrate.

ANNIE SLIPS ON THE RED HIGH HEELS -- Smoothing her hands up

her calves as she does.

ANNIE

Besides, I'd never sleep with a

player hitting under .250 unless

he had a lot of R.B.I.'s or was a

great glove man up the middle.

(beat)

A woman's got to have standards.

SHE HOLDS OUR HER LEGS DISPLAYING THE HEELS, side by side.

Like a little girl showing off her new shoes.

ANNIE

The young players start off full

of enthusiasm and energy but they

don't realize that come July and

August when the weather is hot

it's hard to perform at your peak

level.

(beat)

The veterans pace themselves

better. They finish stronger.

They're great in September.

(beat)

While I don't believe a woman

needs a man to be fulfilled, I do

confess an interest in finding

the ultimate guy--he'd have that

youthful exuberance but the

veteran's sense of timing...

ANNIE STARTS PACKING A HUGE HANDBAG -- With fruit, an official

scorebook, binoculars, a radar gun, and lipstick.

ANNIE

Y'see there's a certain amount of

"life-wisdom" I give these boys.

(beat)

I can expand their minds.

Sometimes when I've got a

ballplayer alone I'll just read

Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman

to him. The guys are so sweet--

they always stay and listen.

(beat)

Of course a guy will listen to

anything if he thinks it's

foreplay.

ANNIE TOUCHES PERFUME BEHIND HER EARS and, ever so slightly,

in her cleavage.

ANNIE

I make then feel confident. They

make me feel safe. And pretty.

ANNIE POSES IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR -- She smoothes her dress

along her hips. And puts on a flashy pair of sunglasses.

Stylish and slightly mad.

ANNIE

what I give them lasts a life-

time. What they give me lasts

142 games. Sometimes it seems

like a bad trade

(quickly rebounding)

but bad trades are part of baseball--

who can forget Frank Robinson or

Milt Pappas, for Godsakes!

(beat)

It's a long season and you got to

trust it.

ANNIE STARTS FOR THE DOOR and grabs her baseball glove

CUT TO:

EXT. ANNIE'S HOUSE -- DUSK

A frame house with porch and lots of trees--a Thomas Wolfe

house...with a 1959 faded red Volvo in the driveway.

ANNIE LEAVES ON FOOT, turning onto the sidewalk of a bucolic,

old Durham, North Carolina neighborhood. In the b.g. other

people are heading the same direction ANNIE PULLS A DURHAM

BULLS BASEBALL CAP from her handbag and pulls it on her head.

ANNIE

I've tried them all--I really

have--

(beat)

and the only church that truly

feeds the soul--day in, day out--

is the Church of Baseball.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE CHURCH -- DURHAM BASEBALL PARK -- DUSK

Now visible In the late afternoon sun, a rickety old stadium

carved into the center of an old Tobacco town.

People are arriving on foot from all around...

"Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley fills the air.

CLOSE ON A BASEBALL CLOWN -- MAX PATKIN, 60, at home plate

doing his famous Bill Haley routine.- A comic pitcher's windup

full of twists and goofy choreography.

RECORDING OVER P.A.

One o'clock, two o'clock, three

o'clock, rock...Four o'clock,

five o'clock, six o'clock rock...

ANNIE SITS DOWN IN HER PRIVATE BOX SEAT -- Her chair is wiped

off by a young black boy, JACKSON, 11, who then sits next to

her. He is her employed errand runner, note sender, and

friend.

A GROUP OF GROUPIES ENTERS THE PARK -- 20 year old girl/women,

dressed in tight pants, tight everything.

Friendly, eager, innocent--THEY WAVE TO ANNIE.

FIVE PLAYERS' WIVES AND THREE SMALL CHILDREN sit in a special

box seat behind a small sign "Players' Wives".

RECORDING OVER P.A.

Seven o'clock, eight o'clock,

nine o'clock rock...we're gonna

rock around the clock tonight

CUT TO:

EXT/INT. THE DURHAM BULL DUGOUT -- NIGHT

AS MAX PATKIN CONTINUES HIS ROUTINE, PLAYERS WARM UP, AND-

THE MANAGER, JOE RIGGINS, 45, known merely as SKIP, short

for "Skipper", a chaw of tobacco in his cheek, stands with

his pitching coach, LARRY HOCKETT late 30's, an ex-big leaguer

whose body has seen too many cocktail lounges.

LARRY ROLLS SOME RED MAN CHEWING TOBACCO into a slab of pink

bubble gum, carefully folding the corners, tucking it neatly

together. Larry examines it as they talk-And shoves the

giant chaw into his mouth.

SKIP

Where's Ebby?

LARRY

Ain't he warning up?

SKIP

(cynically)

No. The guy's professional debut

and he forgets about it.

LARRY

Better find our bonus baby, eh?

A PLAYER, DEKE, 25, stuffs a hot dog into his mouth.

SKIP

Seen Ebby?

DEKE

(mouthful of food)

Nope.

SKIP WHIRLS AND HEADS UP THE TUNNEL into the:

CUT TO:

INT. THE DURHAM CLUBHOUSE -- NIGHT

SKIP enters, shouting--

SKIP

Ebby?!

CLOSE ON A BARE ASS -- Baseball uniform around the ankles,

short t-shirt on top, and on top of that the head of EBBY

CALVIN LALOOSH, baseball cap on backwards. EBBY is a great

looking energetic man-child with the endless confidence,

naivete and horniness of youth.

Life is a party.

A YOUNG WOMAN, MILLIE, 20, half nude, is dressing quickly.

EBBY WHIRLS as Skip enters.

SKIP

Jesus. Game starts in four

minutes!

(beat)

Why ain't you warm?!

EBBY

I am warm.

SKIP

I'm fining you a hundred dollars.

Jesus, Ebby, this is your

professional debut tonight--you

know how many guys out there'd

give blood to be in your shoes

an' you're leavin' your fastball

in the locker room for some piece

of ass!

MILLIE LOOKS OUT FROM BEHIND A BAT RACK -- Outraged.

MILLIE

Skip, It's me! I'm not some quote

piece of ass unquote.

SKIP

Oh, Millie, jeez, sorry--I didn't

recognize ya. Don't take it

personal but if I catch you in

here again you're banned from the

ballpark.

MILLIE

You can't ban me from the ballpark

'cause Daddy donated the scoreboard

and if you banned me he might

take the scoreboard away.

SKIP

Whatta we need a scoreboard for?

We haven't scored any runs all

year

(tough, to Ebby)

Get your ass out there.

As Skip starts to leave.

EBBY)

Hey Boss, I got a question.

SKIP

(stops, exasperated)

What?!

EBBY

You think I need a nickname? I

think I need a nickname. The

great ones have nicknames--

somethin' like Oil Can or Catfish

Skip stares at him. He can't believe this guy.

SKIP

Ya got three minutes.

SKIP WHIRLS AND HEADS BACK OUT TO THE FIELD -- And Ebby

unperturbed, turns his attention back to Millie.

EBBY

Got time for another quickie?

MILLIE

Jesus, you got a game to pitch!

EBBY

But we got three minutes.

EXT. THE BALLPARK -- MOMENTS LATER -- NIGHT

CUT TO:

MAX PATKIN STILL FLAILING AWAY to "Rock Around the Clock".

RECORDING

When the clock strikes two, three,

and four and the band slows down

we'll yell for more, gonna rock

around the clock tonight.

ANNIE LOOKS THROUGH HER BINOCULARS -- Studying the players

warming up casually on the sidelines as Patkin winds up his

act.

P.O.V. A LATIN PLAYER playing pepper.

ANNIE

Number twenty-two's thighs are

just great. Who's he?

JACKSON

(reading the program)

Jose Galindo. He hit .314 at

Lynchburg last year.

ANNIE

Three-fourteen? Hmmm... Look't

those thighs, Jackson

BACK TO MAX PATKIN -- He finishes his routine.

RECORDING OVER P.A.

Gonna rock, gonna rock around the

clock tonight.

INT. PRESS BOX -- NIGHT

CUT TO:

A WOMAN ANNOUNCER, MARYLOU, 30, speaks into the P.A. mike.

ANNOUNCER

Let's hear it for Max Patkin--

Applause as Patkin takes his bows, leaves the field, shakes

hands with a the BULL MASCOT LEADING THE APPLAUSE.

ANNOUNCER

"The Greatest Show on Dirt"--your

own Durham Bulls!

CUT TO:

INT. THE DUGOUT

CLOSE ON ANOTHER PLAYER -- MICKEY MCFEE, 23, black. Smoking

a cigaret--always smoking a cigaret. He snuffs out his

cigaret and RUNS onto the field with the rest of the team,

as--

EBBY ENTERS THE DUGOUT from the runway. Larry and Skip

encourage their players running onto the field. Ebby is

trying to get the zipper on his fly unstuck. He smiles

broadly at Skip and Larry, and grabs his glove.

EBBY

I'm there, Skip, I'm ready.

CUT TO:

INT. THE PRESS BOX

THE RADIO ANNOUNCER, TEDDY CULLINANE, 50, leans into the

radio mike of a very small local station. Next to him is

the local SPORTSWRITER, WHITEY SHERRARD, 40. Between them

they've seen a million minor league players come and go.

WHITEY

Is this guy LaLoosh worth a hundred

grand? I hear he's a quart low?

TEDDY THE RADIO MAN

(covering the mike)

He's left handed. Whattya expect?

(on the air)

The Bulls are off to a slow start

having dropped their first three

games, but hope to turn it around

tonight with the professional

debut of the heralded young left

hander, Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.

(beat)

Stepping In for the Peninsula

White Sox is leadoff hitter Willie

Foster

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BALLFIELD -- NIGHT

ANGLE TO ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- Millie has joined Annie and

Jackson. Clearly, the younger women look up to Annie for

wisdom and insight.

ANNIE

--Millie, you've got to stay out

of the clubhouse. It'll just get

everybody in trouble.

MILLIE

I got lured.

ANNIE

You didn't get "lured". Women

never get lured. They're too

strong and powerful for that.

Now say it--"I didn't get lured

and I will take responsibility

for my actions".

MILLIE

"I didn't get lured and I will

take responsibility for my

actions".

ANNIE

That's better.

(to Jackson)

Got the radar ready?

JACKSON

Ready.

JACKSON AIMS A RADAR GUN at the plate.

THE PENINSULA WHITE SOX LEADOFF HITTER steps in.

TEDDY THE RADIO MAN (V.O.)

The word on LaLoosh is that the

good looking young lefty has a

major league fastball but sometimes

has problems with his control

EBBY CALVIN LALOOSH WINDS UP and fires. The pitch sails

over the batter's head, over the catcher's head, over the

backstop, and CRASHES INTO THE PRESS BOX.

CUT TO:

INT. THE PRESS BOX

THE ANNOUNCER AND SPORTSWRITER CRASH to the floor as the

ball smashes into their booth.

CUT TO:

INT. THE DUGOUT

SKIP SPITS TOBACCO, mumbles flatly to Larry.

SKIP

Little high.

LARRY

(shouts to EBBY)

C'mon big 'un, you're okay...

ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- She turns to Jackson.

JACKSON

Ninety-five miles an hour.

ANNIE

He looks great, just great!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PITCHER'S MOUND

THE CATCHER TALKS TO EBBY, trying to calm him down.

CATCHER

What the hell was that?! Lighten

up a little. Awright?

EBBY,

(to catcher)

Hey--what's your name again--I'm

bad with names--

CATCHER

Ed. You want me to write it on

my chest? Jesus ...

EBBY

Sorry. Hey, Ed, I got a question.

CATCHER

What?

EBBY

Who's the beef sitting behind the

third base dugout?

CATCHER

(slowly)

That's Annie Savoy. Nice eh?

But that's more woman than you

ever dreamed of, Rook. She could

kick your ass and have you for

breakfast

THE CATCHER RETURNS to the plate.

INT. THE PRESS BOX

CUT TO:

WHITEY AND TEDDY WARILY CLIMB back to their seats.

TEDDY

One ball and no strikes to Willie

Foster...

CUT TO:

EBBY'S NEXT PITCH HITS FOSTER in the ribs. He crumples.

CUT TO:

ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- She's writing a note. She hands it to

Jackson.

ANNIE

Take this to Ebby in the dugout

between innings.

JACKSON

What's it say?

ANNIE

It says he's not bending his back

on his follow-through.

JACKSON RUNS OFF with the note. Annie turns to Millie.

ANNIE

Well let's get down to it, honey--

how was he?

MILLIE

Well, he fucks like he pitches.

Sorta all over the place

P.O.V. EBBY LALOOSH FIRES ANOTHER ONE into the stands. And--

Hit "Rock Around the Clock"--

DISSOLVE INTO:

QUICK MONTAGE OF EBBY'S FIRST GAME -- Strikeouts and wild

pitches. A young, gifted, uncontrollable thrower.

BILL HALEY AND HIS COMETS

When the chimes ring five, six

and seven--We'll be right in

Seventh Heaven, Gonna rock around

the clock tonight...

EBBY UNLEASHES A WILD ONE -- And decks the Bull Mascot.

EBBY IN THE DUGOUT READS THE NOTE from Annie.

EBBY STRIKES OUT a Peninsula batter.

EBBY UNLEASHES ANOTHER WILD ONE and a batter hits the dirt.

End "Rock Around the Clock" and--

CUT TO:

INT. THE BULL LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT

SKIP WALKS THROUGH THE PLAYERS ROOM -- Players are up, joking

irreverently.

JOSE

Hey Lefty, hold 'em to 12 runs

every night, you'll win 20--

EBBY

(he might be serious)

Had 'em all the way.

A DURHAM PLAYER SITTING HALF DRESSED in front of his locker.

A PICTURE OF JESUS hangs amidst his gear. The player, JIMMY,

25, has a Bible and prays softly to himself.

JIMMY

Dear Lord, thank you for being

with us tonight, thank you for

protecting us from injury and--

DEKE WALKS BY, shaking Jimmy irreverently as he prays.

DEKE

Wake up, wake up--

MICKEY (A BLACK) COMPLAINS TO TONY as they undress.

MICKEY

This league is racist, man.

TONY

Every time you go 0 for 4 you

think the league is racist-face

it, Mick, you're an equal

opportunity "out".

CUT TO:

THE MANAGER'S OFFICE -- A tiny cubicle, a desk, phone Larry

joins him with the pitching charts. Skip studies the charts.

SKIP

He walked eighteen?!

LARRY

It's a league record.

SKIP

Struck out eighteen...

LARRY

League record.

(beat)

And he hit the Radio Announcer, a

Sportswriter, and the Bull Mascot

twice--also league records--

(beat)

Joe, the guy's got some serious

shit.

THE DOOR OPENS -- A PLAYER ENTERS, in street clothes, carrying

his suitcases. CRASH DAVIS, 30, older than the other players.

And different. More than just opinions, he actually has a

point of view. A career minor leaguer, hanging on wherever

he can get a job. Unlike Ebby--Crash knows a lot about the

world without baseball. Also unlike Ebby--he loves baseball

desperately.

LARRY

Who're you?

Crash speaks slowly, with a trace of cynicism and pride,

like an old warrior who knows he's just a hired gun.

CRASH

I am the player to be named later.

Beat. Skip looks out, half dressed, from his cubicle.

SKIP

Crash Davis?

CRASH

The Crash Davis.

(beat, then nonstop))

And you, Larry Hockett, should

recognize me 'cause five years

ago in the Texas League when you

were pitching for El Paso and I

was hitting cleanup for Shreveport,

you hung a curve on an 0-2 pitch

of a 3-2 game in bottom of the

8th and I tattooed it over the

Goodyear Tire sign, beat you 4-3--

and I got a free wheel alignment

from Goodyear.

LARRY

(remembering)

Ohyeah. I shoulda throwed a

slider. Damn, Crash, how're ya?

SKIP

I'm Joe Riggins. Sit down

CRASH

I'm too old for this shit. Why

the hell am I back in "A" ball?

SKIP

'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.

(beat)

The Big Club's got a hundred

grand in him-

LARRY

He's got a million dollar arm and

a five cent head.

SKIP

--we had the gun on him tonight--

the last five pitches he threw

were faster than the first five.

96 miles an hour, 98, 97, 97.

97. (beat) He's got the best

young arm I've seen in 30 years.

LARRY

But he ain't quite sure which

plane he's on, y'know what I

mean...

SKIP

You been around, you're smart,

you're professional, you know

what it takes--

(beat)

We want you to mature the kid.

CRASH

"Mature" ain't a fuckin' verb.

LARRY

You go to college or what?

SKIP

We want you to room with him on

the road and stay on his case all

year.

(beat)

He can go all the way.

CRASH

And where can I go?

SKIP

You can keep going to the ballpark

and keep gettin' paid to do it.

(beat)

Beats hell outta working at Sears.

LARRY

Sears sucks, Crash, I tried it

once. Sold Lady Kenmores--it's

nasty, nasty work.

SKIP

Even if it's the Carolina League--

this is a chance to play everyday.

CRASH

(angrily)

You don't want a player, you want

a stable pony. My Triple A

contract gets bought out so I can

hold the Flavor o' the Month's

dick in the bus leagues?!

(angrily)

Fuck this fucking game... I

fuckin' quit.

CRASH RISES TO LEAVE -- Picks up his luggage, and turns to

Skip and Larry before exiting. A deep breath

CRASH

Who we play tomorrow?

Beat. They know, they share the inability to quit the game.

They're all clinging to the Church of Baseball.

SKIP

Winston-Salem. Batting practice

at 4:30.

CRASH LEAVES and as he does -- Ed (the catcher) enters.

ED

You wanted to see me?

SKIP

Yeah, Ed, shut the door...

He does. Remains standing. He can see it coming.

SKIP

This is the toughest job a manager

has, Ed...

(deep breath)

But the organization has decided

to make a change--we're releasing

you from your contract...

CLOSE ON ED -- Silent. Motionless. Empty.

CUT TO:

INT. THE LOCKER ROOM --

CRASH PUTS HIS BAG IN A LOCKER as other players return from

the shower. Crash watches as EBBY SOAKS HIS ELBOW IN A TUB

OF ICE WATER as the sports writer, Whitey, interviews him.

WHITEY

How's it feel to get your first

professional win?

EBBY

It feels "out there". A major

rush. I mean it doesn't just

feel "out there" but it feels out

there.

CRASH

Hopeless. Utterly fucking

hopeless.

CUT TO:

INT. MAXWELL'S BAR -- LATER THAT NIGHT

Loud country music in the players' hangout and pickup spot.

It's full of players and lots of young women.

MILLIE SITS DOWN NEXT TO YET ANOTHER PLAYER, TONY, 25-- He's

slick, urban, smooth.

MILLIE

Hi, I'm Millie.

TONY

I'm Tony. I play left field.

MILLIE

I know.

ANNIE SITS IN THE CORNER at her own table. Max Patkin,

looking spiffy in a turtle neck sweater and double breasted

blazer, sits down next to her. Old friends.

MAX

Love the game, Annie, love it

(dead serious)

When I die I'm gonna have my ashes

sprinkled around a pitcher's mound

in some ballpark somewhere--

(beat)

--and I'll have a few ashes saved

for the rosin bag so I'll still

be in the game after I'm gone.

ANNIE

What a sweet idea-

A COCKTAIL WAITRESS DELIVERS another round to them.

ANNIE

We didn't order this, honey...

WAITRESS

(she points)

He did.

P.O.V. CRASH DAVIS SITTING ALONE IN THE OTHER CORNER. HE

waves, and smiles easily.

ANNIE

(to Max)

Who's that?

MAX

Hey--that's Crash Davis. He's

played in more towns than I have.

Helluva guy--real different... I

actually saw him read a book

without pictures once

ANNIE

Really? Kinda cute...

ANNIE NODS AT CRASH -- He comes over to her table, greets

Max as an old friend, and introduces himself.

CRASH

I'm Crash Davis.

ANNIE

Annie Savoy. Wanta dance?

CRASH

I don't dance.

ANNIE

I don't trust a man who don't

dance. It ain't natural.

SUDDENLY -- HARD CORE ROCK AND ROLL on the juke box. Several

couples dance, and out of the pack--

EBBY DANCES WITH A GROUPIE -- Spinning and whirling,

uninhibited and infectious. He's suddenly dancing with a

different WOMAN, then another, and another...

ANNIE, CRASH AND MAX WATCH the mad performance.

MAX

Who's he dancing with?

ANNIE

All of 'em, I think...

EBBY PUTS ON A ONE MAN SHOW ON THE DANCE FLOOR -- The whole

bar stops to watch him, applauding as he spins to a finish.

A quirkier "Saturday Night Fever" show. More naive, fun.

He climbs off the floor and joins Annie's table.

EBBY

Thanks for the note--you're right,

I wasn't bending my back.

ANNIE

You got a live arm there.

He extends his hand to introduce himself.

EBBY

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.

ANNIE

You need a nickname.

EBBY

That's what I been telling

everybody! Wanta dance?

CRASH

She's dancing with me.

ANNIE

Crash, I didn't think you--

CRASH

I'll learn. C'mon--

EBBY

Just a minute, pal

The two men square off quickly. Annie mocks them.

ANNIE

You boys gonna fight over little

me?

CRASH RISES, pulling Annie with him. But--

EBBY STANDS to challenge Crash.

EBBY

Step outside, pal.

CRASH

Love to--

ANNIE

Oh don't be such guys--

But Crash and Ebby head outside. She turns to Max--

ANNIE

Hell, Max, wanta dance?

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PARKING LOT -- NIGHT

A circle is formed. Everybody gathers. Millie clings to

Tony, her guy of the moment. Crash and Ebby face off.

CRASH

I don't believe in fighting.

EBBY

Pussy.

CRASH

Take the first shot at me.

EBBY

I ain't hitting a man first.

CRASH

Hit me in the chest with this...

CRASH PULLS A BASEBALL from his jacket pocket, tosses it to

Ebby.

EBBY

I'd kill ya.

CRASH

From what I hear you couldn't hit

a bull in the ass with a slingshot

EBBY

Don't try me.

CRASH

Throw it. C'mon, right in the

chest.

EBBY

No way.

CRASH

C'mon, Meat. You can't hit me

'cause you're starting to think

about it already, you're starting

to think how embarrassing it'll

be to miss, how all these people

would laugh.

(teasing mercilessly)

C'mon, Rook--show me that million

dollar arm 'cause I'm getting a

good idea about the five cent

head--

EBBY REARS BACK AND FIRES THE BALL -- From ten feet away,

right at Crash's chest. But, alas--

THE BALL GOES THROUGH A SECOND STORY WINDOW in the distance.

Crash never blinks.

CRASH

Ba11 four.

EBBY IS ENRAGED -- HE CHARGES CRASH, lunging at him.

EBBY

Who the fuck are you?!

CRASH LASHES OUT A SHORT LEFT -- With lightning speed,

effortless. And brutal. BANG! Ebby goes down. And stays

there stunned. He looks up.

CRASH

I'm Crash Davis. Your new catcher.

And you just got Lesson Number

One--"Don't think--it can only

hurt the ballclub".

(beat)

Buy ya a drink?

CUT TO:

INT. THE CLUB -- NIGHT

ANNIE AND MAX DANCE to Billy Eckstein on the juke box. Millie

and Tony are also on the dance floor.

ECKSTEIN (ON JUKE BOX)

April in Paris, chestnuts in

blossom, Holiday tables under the

tree...

EBBY AND CRASH WATCH FROM THE CORNER TABLE -- Ebby's right

eye is blackened. He holds a drink on it.

EBBY

We fight, she gets the clown--

how's that happen?

CRASH

Shut up--I like this song...

(sings along)

April in Paris, this is a feeling,

No one can ever reprieve...

EBBY

She's playing with my mind.

CRASH

It's a damn easy thing to play

with.

ANNIE SUDDENLY APPEARS at the table.

ANNIE

Well--you boys stopped fighting

yet? Are you pals now? Good. I

love a little macho male bonding--

I think it's sweet even if it's

probably latent homosexuality

being "re-channeled" but I believe

in "re-channeling" so who cares,

right?

(beat)

Shall we go to my place?

EBBY

Which one of us?

ANNIE

Oh both of you, of course...

CLOSE ON EBBY -- His eyes full of fear and wonder.

CLOSE ON CRASH -- He smiles.

THE THREE OF THEM LEAVE the bar together.

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

THE SHRINE OF BASEBALL GLOWS -- Annie lights the candles.

EBBY AND CRASH SIT ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF HER COUCH -- Both men

look around the room with wonder. Ebby is clearly more

nervous than Crash, who's been in some strange rooms in his

minor league career.

ANNIE

These are the ground rules.

(beat)

I hook up with one guy a season--

I mean it takes me a couple of

weeks to pick the guy--kinda my

own spring training...

(beat)

And, well, you two are the most

promising prospects of the season

so far.

(beat)

So... I thought we should get to

know each other.

CRASH

Why do you get to choose? Why

don't I get to choose?

ANNIE

Actually none of us on this planet

ever really choose each other.

It's all Quantum Physics and

molecular attraction. There are

laws we don't understand that

bring us together and break us

apart.

EBBY

Is somebody gonna go to bed with

somebody or what?

ANNIE

You're a regular nuclear meltdown,

honey--slow down.

Crash rises to leave, and heads for the door.

CRASH

After 12 years in the minor

leagues, I don't tryout. Besides--

I don't believe in, Quantum Physics

when it comes to matters of the

heart...or loins.

ANNIE

(challenging him)

What do you believe in?

Crash at the door. Annie's question is slightly taunting.

He stops, and speaks with both aloofness and passion:

CRASH

I believe in the soul, the cock,

the pussy, the small of a woman's

back, the hanging curve ball,

high fiber, good scotch, long

foreplay, show tunes, and that

the novels of Thomas Pynchon are

self-indulgent, overrated crap.

(beat)

I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald

acted alone, I believe that there

oughtta be a constitutional

amendment outlawing astro-turf

and the designated hitter, I

believe in the "sweet spot", voting

every election, soft core

pornography, chocolate chip

cookies, opening your presents on

Christmas morning rather than

Christmas eve, and I believe in

long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses

that last for 7 days.

ANNIE

(breathless)

Oh my...

(softly)

Don't leave...

CRASH

G'night.

Crash heads out into the night. Annie hurries to the-door

while Ebby sits on the couch, bewildered.

EBBY

Hey--what's all this molecule

stuff?

ANNIE STANDS IN THE DOORWAY -- Crash is on the porch.

ANNIE

Wait, Crash--don't go--all I want

is a date. I'm not gonna fall in

love with you or nothin'.

CRASH

I'm not interested in a woman

who's interested in that boy.

ANNIE

I'm not interested yet.

Ebby appears in the door.

EBBY

Who you calling a "boy"?

CRASH

See ya at the yard, Meat.

Crash walks out into the Durham night. Ebby and Annie stand

in the doorway. She speaks softly to Ebby.

ANNIE

No ballplayer ever said "no" to a

date with me.

EBBY

Well shit, then, let's fuck.

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

ANNIE PUTS ON A RECORD -- Edith Piaf sings "Le Trois Cloches".

EBBY STARTS UNDRESSING across the room.

ANNIE

Wait, honey, slow down--I want to

watch.

She sits in a chair. Piaf sings. Ebby practically rips his

shirt off, exposing a great upper body.

ANNIE

No, no, no. Put it back on and

take it off slowly.

EBBY

Jesus, what kinda broad are you?

ANNIE

When you know how to make love,

you'll know how to pitch.

(turning to the stereo)

Shh. I love this part.

Piaf sings. Annie listens. Ebby re-buttons, then unbuttons

his shirt. It drops, revealing his back.

ANNIE

Oh my--what a nice back.

Ebby drops his pants.

ANNIE

No, no, honey... first the shoes

and socks.

EBBY

The socks? It's cold in here.

ANNIE

(sweetly, unthreatening)

You think Dwight Gooden leaves

his socks on?

Ebby considers this. Pulls his pants back up. Takes his

socks off. Then his pants.

ANNIE

Ebby honey have you ever been

handcuffed in bed?

CUT TO:

EXT. DOWNTOWN DURHAM -- NIGHT

Deserted streets of the old tobacco town. Crash walks alone.

He picks up an old newspaper out of a trash can. He stops

in front of a store window. He rolls the newspaper like a

short bat. He takes a batting stance, and--

CRASH TAKES HIS BATTING STANCE in front of the window,

studying his reflection. He taken a "swing". And another.

A GROUP OF OLD BLACK MEN stand in a doorway, watching.

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -'CONTINUOUS NIGHT

CLICK -- A handcuff is locked onto Ebby's wrist. Both his

arms are outstretched--he's getting very excited.

EBBY

Awright! I read about stuff like

this. Bring it on!

Annie calmly drags a chair over and sits down.

ANNIE

Sweetie, have you ever heard of

Walt Whitman?

EBBY

Who's he play for?

ANNIE

Well, he sort of pitches for the

Cosmic All-Stars.

EBBY

Never heard of 'em.

Annie opens a book and begins reading as Piaf sings softly.

ANNIE

Good--then listen.

(reading)

"I sing the body electric. The

armies of those I love engirth me

and I engirth them--"

EBBY

We gonna fuck or what?

ANNIE

Shh, shh...

(reading)

"They will not let me off till I

go with them, respond to them,

and discorrupt them and charge

them"

DISSOLVE TO:

SAME SCENE -- LATER

ANNIE

"Limitless limpid jets of love

hot and enormous -- quivering

jelly of love, white blow and

delirious juice--

CLOSE ON EBBY'S FACE -- Intrigued, aroused, frightened.

CUT TO:

EXT. DOWNTOWN DURHAM -- NIGHT

THE OLD BLACK MAN is tossing wadded up balls of paper at

Crash who takes beautiful, fluid swings with the rolled up

newspaper. Batting practice.

CLOSE ON CRASH'S EYES -- Studying the "pitches" with intense

concentration, endlessly working on his game.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE DURHAM FIELD -- NEXT DAY

LARRY, DEKE, MICKEY AND BOBBY ARE SINGING at home plate as a

pre-game show. Larry is Diana Ross, the other three are the

Supremes, and the routine is brilliantly tacky.

LARRY (AND THE SUPREMES)

Baby love, oh oh, baby love, I

need ya oh how I need ya, All ya

do is treat me bad, Take my heart

and leave me sad...

CUT TO:

INT. DURHAM BULLS LOCKER ROOM -- DAY

JIMMY STANDS ON A BENCH trying to get the players' attention.

JIMMY

Listen up, guys, could I have

your attention a minute?

(a few heads turn)

I'm going to be leading a daily

chapel service at three In the

afternoons here in the locker

room and you're all invited to

drop by and worship before batting

practice.

BOBBY

Jimmy, God damn it--loosen up and

get laid.

BOBBY, 25, smooths the creases of his uniform, preening.

JIMMY

I don't care If you think I'm

square but I believe what I

believe.

All heads turn as:

EBBY ENTERS THE LOCKER ROOM -- He looks trashed.

BOBBY

Jesus, Ebby, what truck ran over

you?

EBBY

(glassy eyed)

Call me "Nuke". Annie said it's

my new nickname.

Lots of teasing from around the clubhouse.

DEKE

Annie nailed you? That's great,

means you're gonna have a helluva

year. Does she fuck as good as

they say?

EBBY

We didn't do it, man--she read

poetry to me all night, I swear.

It's more tiring than fucking.

EBBY GOES TO HIS LOCKER and starts undressing. Crash sits

next to him, looking straight ahead. Bobby nearby.

EBBY

--of love"...hey, Crash, does

that mean what I think it means?

What's the deal here?

Crash studies Ebby.

CRASH

Your shower shoes have fungus on

'em. You'll never get to the

Bigs with fungus on your shower

shoes.

(beat)

Think classy and you'll be classy.

If you win 20 in the Show you can

let the fungus grow back on your

shower shoes and the press'll

think you're colorful.

(beat)

Until you win twenty in the Show,

however, it means you're a slob.

CRASH RISES AND HEADS OUT to the field. Ebby sits silently,

holding his shower shoes, taking it all in.

CUT TO:

EXT. DURHAM BALLPARK -- GAME IN PROGRESS -- DAY

IN THE DUGOUT -- THE GAME FROM A DUGOUT P.O.V. The players

sit, stand, stir restlessly. A combination of relaxation

and intensity not visible from the stands.

CRASH IS HANDED HIS BAT and helmet by the bat boy.

DEKE

This guy's bringing some serious

smoke out there.

DUGOUT P.O.V. THE WINSTON-SALEM PITCHER throwing hard.

CRASH

He ain't got shit.

FOLLOW CRASH INTO THE ON-DECK CIRCLE -- The ritual. The bat

boy hands him the pine tar rag and he rubs pine tar on the

bat with great care.

CRASH RISES -- Heads to the plate. Talking to himself.

CRASH

You ain't getting that cheese by

me, meat.

CRASH TAKES HIS STANCE -- Upright. Calm. Head still.

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

Look for the fastball up. He's

gotta come with the cheese. Relax.

Relax. Quick bat. Pop the

clubhead. Open the hips. Relax.

You're thinking too much. Get

outta your fuckin' head, Crash.

CLOSE ON CRASH'S FACE -- His eyes intensely focused.

CRASH'S P.O.V. THE PITCHER -- Starts his windup.

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

Get on top of the ball. Quick

bat. Don't let him in your kitchen--

THE PITCHER DELIVERS -- Crash strides. Curveball.

Crash swings and misses, offstride. Strike one.

CRASH QUICKLY STEPS OUT OF THE BOX and picks up dirt. Rubs

it on his hands. He's pissed.

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

You stupid fuck, Crash. What're

you swinging at a breaking ball

for? Why's he starting me off

with a hammer? Fuck me.

(more dirt)

You're okay. Stay back. Stay

back, you dumb fuck. Wait. Wait.

P.O.V. THE PITCHER'S NEXT DELIVERY -- CURVE BALL AWAY.

CRASH STRIDES INTO THE PITCH -- Lashes a line drive down the

first base line. Just foul.

Crash has started to first. Pulls up. Returns slowly to

the plate. Picks up his bat.

CRASH

Throw that shit again, meat.

Throw that weak ass shit.

(beat)

Now he's gotta try to slip the

cheese by me. one and one.

You're on top. Now bring me the gas--

--P.O.V. PITCHER'S THIRD DELIVERY -- High and tight. Right

at Crash's head. The ball seems to accelerate. About to

explode his skull. For a moment--THE FEAR OF DEATH...

CRASH HITS THE DIRT -- It just misses his head.

CRASH CLIMBS OUT OF THE DIRT -- Brushes himself off.

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

This son of a bitch throws hard.

(beat)

Annie, Annie, Annie--who is this

Annie?

(catching himself)

Jesus, get outta the box you idiot,

where's your head? Get the broad

outta your head.

CRASH HOLDS UP HIS HAND to the ump.

CRASH

Time out.

UMP

Time out!

CRASH STEPS OUT OF THE BOX -- Motions to the bat boy for the

pine tar rag. The boy brings it over. Crash re-applies it

to his bat.

BAT BOY

Get a hit, Crash.

CRASH

Shut up.

CRASH WALKS BACK TO THE BOX -- Talking to himself.

CRASH

Awright, awright. You've seen

all his pitches. Two and one.

Relax. Wait. Quick bat. You

can hit this shit--

CRASH IN THE BATTER'S BOX -- Digs in-again. Takes his stance.

Upright. Relaxed. Ready.

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

Shorten up. Bring the gas... Be

quick--be quick--yeah, yeah...

CUT TO:

ANNIE AND JACKSON IN THE STANDS -- She's writing a note

quickly, and hands it to Jackson, who hurries off.

CUT TO:

CRASH'S P.O.V. THE PITCHER'S NEXT PITCH -- A major league

fastball. It explodes to the plate. Crash swings. And

misses. Strike Three.

CRASH WALKS BACK TO THE DUGOUT -- Head high, no show of

emotion. Almost proud. An old Warrior, not giving an inch

even in defeat.

HE RE-ENTERS THE DUGOUT -- Sits down and starts putting the

catcher's gear back on. Deke leans over.

DEKE

Serious heat, eh?

CRASH

He ain't got shit.

THE BATBOY TAKES THE NOTE FROM JACKSON -- And hands it to

Crash, who refuses to accept it, being busy putting his gear

on.

BAT BOY

From Annie.

CRASH

Read it.

BAT BOY

Dear Crash. You have a lovely

swing but you're pulling your

hips out too early. I'd be happy

to meet you at the Batting Cage

tomorrow to discuss it. Signed,

Annie.

DEKE

Well if there's one chick'd know

when you're pulling your hips out

early, Annie's the one.

Crash doesn't seem too amused. He grabs the note, and the

pen hanging from the starting lineup card taped to the dugout

wall. He scrawls a quick note.

CUT TO:

ANNIE'S PRIVATE BOX -- She's watching the players through

binoculars as Jackson returns with the note.

ANNIE

(looking through the

glasses)

What'd he say?

Jackson looks at the note uneasily, then reads--

JACKSON

It says..."I want to-make...

love to you. Crash".

ANNIE PUTS DOWN THE GLASSES -- Takes the note.

ANNIE

Oh my...

CUT TO:

EXT. A LOCAL BATTING CAGE DAY

ANNIE DIGS IN AT THE PLATE -- Bat in hand. Crash a few feet

away. Annie spits on her hands, wear batting glove, pumps

the bat back and forth.

THE MECHANICAL PITCHING MACHINE DELIVERS -- Kawoosh.

ANNIE SWINGS -- Lashes out a line drive. Crash smiles.

ANNIE

See my hips?

CRASH

Yep.

ANNIE

I think Thomas Pynchon's a genius.

CRASH

When you're hitting you shouldn't

think about anything but hitting.

(beat)

But you shouldn't think about it

too much. The trick is to use

your brain to not use your brain.

ANNIE

But you were pulling your hips

last night.

CRASH

So...Wanta make love?

ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES the next pitch.

ANNIE

I'm committed to Nuke for the

season. You had your chance the

other night.

CRASH

What'you see in that guy--he's

dim, pretty boy. a young, wild,

ANNIE

Young men are uncomplicated.

(Crash mutters)

And he's not "dim". He's just

inexperienced. My job is to give

him "life-wisdom" and help him

make it to the major leagues.

CRASH

That's my job too.

ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES another pitch.

ANNIE

Damn.

CRASH

You're pulling your hips out.

ANNIE

But they're nice hips.

(beat)

I looked up your records-- You've

hit 227 home runs in the minors.

That's great!

ANNIE FOULS ONE OFF and digs in gamely.

CRASH

Don't tell anybody.

ANNIE

Why not? If you hit twenty homers

this year you'll be the all time

minor league champ! The record's

CRASH

247 home runs in the minors would

be a dubious honor, if ya think

about it.

ANNIE

Oh no, I think it'd be great!

The Sporting News should know

about it.

CRASH

No. Please.

ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES another one.

ANNIE

Damn.

CRASH

Let me.

CRASH STEPS IN TO HIT -- He takes his familiar stance. The

pitch comes. Crash drills it.

CRASH

Your place or mine?

ANNIE

Despite my love of weird

metaphysics and my rejection of

most Judao-Christian ethics, I

am, within the framework of a

baseball season, monogamous.

CRASH

Fact is you're afraid of meeting

a guy like me 'cause It might be

real so you sabotage it with some

bullshit about commitment to a

young boy you

can boss around--

(whack--a line drive)

Great deal. You get to write

self- indulgent little poems all

winter about how hard it is to

find a man even though you just

sent him packing-

(whack--a line drive)

So what do you really want? You

wanta be a tragic woman figure

wallowing in the bullshit of magic?

(whack--a line drive)

Or do you want a guy?

The pitching machine arm flaps. Empty. Silence.

ANNIE

Oh Crash...you do make speeches...

Crash puts the bat down, heads out the gate. She follows.

A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM ARRIVES -- Twenty-five 10 year olds in

uniform with a couple PARENT COACHES.

LITTLE LEAGUER #1

Hey, are you Crash Davis! Can I

have a autograph?!

CRASH STOPS TO SIGN AUTOGRAPHS amidst 25 Little Leaguers.

CRASH

(as he signs autographs)

Well, Annie, your place or mine?

ANNIE

You got me all confused.

CRASH

A batter has two tenths of a second

to decide whether to swing--

ANNIE

I'm not a real batter. I'm a

woman.

LITTLE LEAGUER

Hey, when are you guys gonna start

winning? You're terrible!

ANNIE

It's a long season, boys.

SUDDENLY A VOICE -- Nuke pulls up, gets out of his Porsche.

NUKE

Hey!

(coming over)

What're you guys doing here--

stealing my girl?

CRASH

Now, Nuke, would I do a thing

like that?

(to the little leaguers)

Hey kids, this is the great Ebby

Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh.

LITTLE LEAGUERS

It's Nuke, it's Nuke! Can I have

your autograph?! etc.

NUKE

No prob, kids--

And suddenly Nuke is swept up into a sea of Little Leaguers.

Crash smiles as he turns Annie and the kids over to Nuke.

CRASH

See you guys at the ballpark.

Crash leaves Annie with Nuke and 25 Little Leaguers.

CUT TO:

EXT. CRASH GETS INTO HIS CAR -- CONTINUOUS

AN AGING SHELBY MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE -- The paint's fading, a

couple dings in the body, but loaded under the hood.

CRASH PUNCHES HIS TAPE DECK -- Sam Cooke's "You Send Me".

ANNIE BITES HER FIST watching Crash leave.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -- DAY

The sounds of lovemaking in a darkened room lit only by a

few candles.

ANNIE

Yes, yes, yesnmmmmyes...

(beat)

Oh my...

(several beats)

Oh, that was just fabulous, Crash.

Several beats of silence.

NUKE

Crash?

He flips on a lamp near the bed.

NUKE

You mean Nuke. You said "Crash".

ANNIE

I didn't say "Crash". I said

Nuke.

NUKE

You said "Crash".

ANNIE

Honey, don't ever listen to a

woman when she's making love.

They'll say the strangest things.

NUKE

You said "Crash".

ANNIE

Would you rather me be making

love to him, using your name, or

making love to you, using his

name?

Nuke considers this fabulous logic.

NUKE

Yeah maybe you're right.

ANNIE

You see how nice things are when

we go slow?

Nuke sighs; and lets his head sink in the pillow.

NUKE

Mmm, hmmm.

(beat)

You shoulda seen how many people

came to the airport to see me

off. When I got drafted first it

was the happiest day of my Father's

life.

(beat)

He likes baseball more than I

do...

ANNIE

You can learn to like it.

NUKE

I wanted to be the host of Dance

Fever, somethin' like that...

ANNIE

Y'know if you make it to the Bigs

you could still become the host

of Dance Fever. Baseball's a

good stepping stone for things

like that.

NUKE

God, I never thought of that.

ANNIE

(sweetly)

There is a lot of things you never

thought of, sweetie--now get some

rest for tonight's game.

Nuke rests his head on Annie's shoulder. His eyes are wide

open and full of nervous energy.

CUT TO:

EXT. DURHAM BASEBALL PARK -- DUSK

NUKE ON A PAY PHONE -- In his uniform. Players warming up

in the background as the ground crew prepares the field.

NUKE

Hello? Dad? This is Ebby.

(beat)

Yeah, I know, I know--you got the

Durham papers yet? Well I been a

little wild...

(defensively)

These hitters down here are better

than the ones in high school ...

(trying to change

subject)

How's Mom? Yeah? Well I am trying

hard... I am bending my

back...you're not coming down'

here to visit just yet, are you?

(beat)

Can I talk to Mom?

CUT TO:

EXT. HOME PLATE -- THE BALLPARK NIGHT

THE MAYOR OF DURHAM AND THE CITY COUNCIL stand at a mike in

front of home plate. 300 LITTLE LEAGUERS in uniform are

lined up along the foul line, restrained by a rope.

VOICE OVER P.A.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor

of Durham, the honorable Mutt

Clark...

THE MAYOR STEPS to the mike. A classic Southern mayor.

MAYOR

Welcome to the "Atlantic Seaboard

Tobacco Growers City Council Little

League Cash Drop Night"!

As the honorable Mutt Clark drones on--we INTERCUT:

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BULLPEN -- CONTINUOUS

NUKE IS WARMING UP TO PITCH -- Crash and Larry watch him

closely, giving advice. As Nuke delivers--.

CRASH

Drive off your back leg. You

pitch with your legs as much as

your arms-

NUKE

I thought I was--

CRASH

Don't think.

A MANGY DOG EATS FROM A DISH provided by the players. A

couple kids sit with the players.

MILLIE SITS DOWN NEXT TO A PLAYER -- BOBBY, 25.

MILLIE

Hi, I'm Millie.

BOBBY

I'm married.

JOSE FASHIONS A SMALL CROSS OUT OF CHICKEN BONES and rubs it

on his bat. Bobby notices this.

BOBBY

What's that?

JOSE

Chicken bone cross take the curse

off this bat and bring me hits.

BOBBY

You a God damn witch?

JOSE

Yes. A switch hitting witch.

Very common in Puerto Rico.

BOBBY

Will that work for me?

JOSE

If you believe in Voodoo.

BOBBY

I'm 0 for 16! Gimme some of that

shit.

BOBBY HOLDS OUT HIS BAT for Jose to rub with the cross.

JOSE

No, that is not belief. That is

desperation.

BOBBY

C'mon, God damn it, gimme some!

ALL HEADS TURN,- A HELICOPTER APPEARS ABOVE THE FIELD

CUT TO:

BACK TO THE MAYOR AND CITY COUNCIL -- Hair and hats blowing

from the chopper turbulence.

MAYOR

...five, four, three, two,

one...let 'er go! One thousand

big ones!

THE HELICOPTER DUMPS HUNDREDS OF DOLLAR BILLS above the field.

The night sky fills with fluttering money THE ROPE IS DROPPED --

THREE HUNDRED LITTLE LEAGUERS charge across the infield to

the falling money, scooping it up wildly, brawling, shoving,

clawing for the cash.

As the money flutters down...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. DURHAM BASEBALL STADIUM -- SHORT TIME LATER

CLOSE ON THE ROSIN BAG on the mound. A hand picks it up.

Puffs of rosin "smoke". Nuke is on the mound.

NUKE NERVOUSLY WALKS AROUND THE MOUND -- Just before the

first batter. He picks up the rosin bag. Digs a slot for

his lead foot to land. And CRASH APPROACHES, in full gear,

mask tipped up on his head.

CRASH

Don't try to strike everybody

out.

(beat)

Strikeouts are boring. They're

Fascist. Throw some ground balls,

it's more Democratic.

CRASH TURNS AND HEADS TO THE PLATE and we hear the beginning

of Nuke's interior monologue.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

What's this guy know, eh? If

he's so great why's he been in

the minors for ten years? And if

he's so hot how come Annie wants

me instead of him.

CRASH TURNS AROUND HALF WAY TO THE PLATE and returns to the

mound, as if he knows everything Nuke's thinking.

CRASH

And listen, meat. You don't know

shit. If you want to get to the

Show, you'll listen to me. She

only wants you 'cause she can

boss you around, got it?

(beat, complete tone

change)

Relax, have a ball out here.

This game's fun, okay? Fun, God

damn it.

(beat)

And don't squeeze the ball so

tight. It's an egg. Hold it

like an egg.

CRASH SMILES -- And trots back to the plate.

NUKE'S P.O.V. The first batter steps in. Crash gives the

sign for the pitch.

NUKE

Fun? What's he know about fun?

(beat)

Why's he calling for a curveball?

I wanta bring heat.

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

Shake off the pitch. Throw what

you wanta.

NUKE SHAKES OFF THE PITCH -- Here comes Crash back out to

the mound before Nuke's thrown a pitch.

CRASH

Why you shaking me off?

NUKE

I wanta throw the heater to

announce my presence with

authority.

CRASH

"To announce your fucking presence

with authority"? This guy's a

first ball fastball hitter. He's

looking for heat.

NUKE

But he ain't seen my heat--

CRASH

Awright, meat, give him your heat.

CRASH RETURNS ONE MORE TIME to behind the plate.

CRASH CROSSES THE PLATE, past the hitter. He speaks to the

opposing leadoff batter.

CRASH

Fastball.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

Why's he always call me "Meat"?

I'm the guy driving a Porsche.

NUKE WINDS UP AND DELIVERS -- A fastball.

THE LEADOFF HITTER TEES OFF on the pitch and sends a line

shot over the right field fence.

CLOSE ON BILLBOARD -- "Hit Cow, Win Steak" sign, The home

run hits the cow on a target painted on the cow's rump.

The COW'S MOUTH OPENS AND MOOS.

THE BATTER STANDS AND WATCHES the home run, admiring the

shot, enjoying the moment. CRASH GETS IN HIS FACE instantly--

and gets very tough.

CRASH

What're you lookin' at?! You're

showing up my pitcher, bush--get

your ass in gear!

THE BATTER TAKES OFF ON A HOME RUN TROT -- Slightly scared.

AND CRASH HEADS TO THE MOUND where Nuke watches the Mooing

Cow and the circling batter with dismay. Crash smiles.

CRASH

Guy hit the shit outta that one,

eh?

NUKE

Well, I held it like an egg.

CRASH

An' he scrambled the son of a

bitch.

(beat)

Having fun yet?

NUKE

I'm having a blast.

(beat)

God, that sucker teed off on it

just like he knew I was gonna

throw a fastball.

CRASH

He did know.

NUKE

How?

CRASH

I told him.

CRASH SMILES -- Drops the mask, returns behind the plate.

NUKE SIGHS -- Takes a deep breath.

NUKE

Don't think. Just throw. Don't

think. Just throw.

NUKE'S WINDUP AND DELIVERY -- A fastball. A powerful, clean,

overwhelming fastball. Strike one.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

God, that was beautiful. What'd

I do?

NUKE WINDS UP AND DELIVERS HIS NEXT PITCH -- A monster. An

Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh fastball. Twenty feet wide of

the plate.

THE BULL MASCOT DIVES FOR COVER -- The ball hits the bat

rack. Bats go flying.

CUT TO:

ANNIE IN HER BOX SEAT -- Jackson with the radar gun.

ANNIE

Oh dear....easy honey...

JACKSON

Ninety-five miles an hour...

CUT TO:

BACK TO NUKE -- Pacing the mound. Looks In for the sign.

NUKE PITCHES AGAIN -- The batter lines a single to left.

NUKE'S P.O.V. THE MANAGER AND PITCHING COACH TALKING

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

Christ, Skip and Larry are talking

about me. Don't get anybody warm

in the pen yet. I'm okay. I'm

having fun.

NUKE PITCHES AGAIN -- The batter lines a single to right.

NUKE'S P.O.V. THE BULLPEN -- TWO PITCHERS start warming up.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

Don't yank me in the first, man.

NUKE'S P.O.V. -- THE MANAGER comes out to the mound to talk.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

Aw, shit.

THE MANAGER AND CRASH MEET NUKE on the mound.

SKIP

Relax.

NUKE

Don't pull me, Skip. I'll settle

down. I'm okay!

SKIP

(fatherly)

Relax, Nuke, Relax...

(to Crash)

What kinda stuff's he got?

CRASH

I don't know. I haven't caught

anything yet.

SKIP

What're you thinking about out

here, Nuke?

NUKE

I'm trying not to think.

SKIP

Good. But just 'cause you ain't

s'posed to think don't mean you

ain't s'posed to use your head.

SKIP SLAPS NUKE ON THE ASS in a gruff, reassuring way, and

returns to the dugout. Leaving Nuke and Crash.

CRASH

Have some fun, God damn it.

CRASH SMILES -- And as he returns to the plate...

CUT TO:

ANNIE WATCHES IN THE STANDS with Jackson and the radar gun.

ANNIE

Here we go again, Jackson, hold

on tight...

Hit Professor Longhair rock and roll...and:

DISSOLVE TO:

NUKE DELIVERS -- A batter grounds out weakly.

DURHAM AT BAT -- DUGOUT -- Crash lets Jose rub his bat with

a chicken bone cross. Then steps to the plate and--

CRASH HITS A LONG HOME RUN -- And circles the bases.

NUKE DELIVERS -- A line drive nearly undresses him. Runners

circle the bases.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT

THE SHOWERS -- Naked bodies in the steamy room. No joking

around. A team on losing streak.

SUDDENLY SKIP STEPS INTO THE SHOWER in his uniform and angrily

throws an armload of bats into the shower.

SKIP

Anybody not outta the shower in

ten seconds gonna get fined a

hundred bucks. One, two...

THE SHOWER EMPTIES in seconds. Players grab a seat, and:

WHITEY THE SPORTSWRITER ENTERS as he does every night.

SKIP

No press for five minutes, Whitey.

WHITEY

I'm doing a column on the Myth of

Sisyphus as manifest in a minor

league losing streak, Joe, and I

thought

SKIP PICKS UP A CHAIR AND FIRES IT AT WHITEY -- The chair

crashes into a locker. Whitey hurries out.

SKIP

If I ever need a brain transplant

I'll choose a sportswriter 'cause

that way I'd be getting a brain

that's never been used.

A couple snickers from the players. Skip whirls.

SKIP

What're you laughing at?!

Silence.

The Durham Bulls sit and stand quietly.

SKIP

You guys lollygag the ball around

the infield, ya lollygag you're-

way to first, ya lollygag in an'

outta the dugout. You know what

that makes ya

(beat)

Lollygaggers. What's our record,

Larry?

LARRY

We're eight and sixteen.

SKIP

Eight and sixteen?! How'd we

ever win eight?

(beat)

Jose, what's this sign?

SKIP FLASHES THROUGH A SEQUENCE of signs. Hand to face,

hand to belt, hand brushes letters, etc.

JOSE

That's the steal.

SKIP

Wrong. That's the bunt. This is

the steal.

SKIP FLASHES QUICKLY ANOTHER SEQUENCE -- Hand to face, hands

to hands. He speaks rapidly--a private language.

SKIP

Face is "skin to skin". Skin

starts with "S". "S" stands for

steal if it follows the indicator

which is hand to eye 'cause the

word "indicator" starts with an

"I" so I figure "eye"--

(touches his eye)

--would remind you of "I" for

indicator to indicate that what

follows is the sign. I figure

wrong-- You're a buncha

lollygaggers.

(beat)

This is a simple game.

(beat)

ya throw the ball, ya hit the

ball, ya catch the ball.

CLOSE ON FACES OF THE PLAYERS -- Sitting silently.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BALLPARK SIMULTANEOUS -- NIGHT

THE SIX PLAYERS' WIVES WAIT in a cluster. Three of them

have SMALL CHILDREN. The children are crying.

The long-suffering women try to calm the kids.

BOBBY'S WIFE

Bobby went hitless again. He's

gonna be in a terrible mood...

terrible. How'd Mickey do?

MICKEY'S WIFE

He got two hits.

BOBBY'S WIFE

Lucky you.

CUT TO:

BACK INSIDE THE LOCKER ROOM -- Skip is winding down.

SKIP

We can't win at home--how we gonna

win on the road? We got a twelve

day road trip starting tomorrow.

(beat)

Bus leaves at six In the morning.

SKIP HEADS BACK INSIDE his little office with Larry.

CUT TO:

INSIDE SKIP'S OFFICE -- He and Larry open a couple beers.

THE DOOR OPENS -- BOBBY ENTERS wearing only a towel.

BOBBY

You wanted to see me?

SKIP

Yeah, Bobby, shut the door.

(he does)

This is the toughest job a manager

has...

(beat)

But the organization has decided

to make a change--

BOBBY

Skip, I know I'm in a slump but I

hit the ball hard tonight, right

at 'em. A couple flares drop in,

and I'm back in the groove!

The nearly naked 25 year old man pleads helplessly--his career

is over.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STADIUM -- NIGHT

THE PLAYERS EXIT -- The Groupies wait in a cluster. The

wives wait in another group. Bobby's wife sees Bobby.

BOBBY'S WIFE

(to child)

There's Daddy! Wave to Daddy!

--P.O.V. BOBBY COMING OUT OF THE CLUBHOUSE -- Another player

has his arm around Bobby, consoling him. The wife knows.

BOBBY'S WIFE

Oh God...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. STADIUM PARKING LOT -- DAWN

THE DURHAM BULLS TEAM BUS is parked. Luggage is loaded.

Sleepy players arriving, escorted by wives and girlfriends.

ANNIE BIDS NUKE GOODBYE -- Off to the side. She pulls

something from her handbag and hands it to Nuke. A pair of

WOMEN'S RED PANTIES, with lace and frills.

ANNIE

I want you to wear these on the

road trip when you pitch.

NUKE

What?

ANNIE

They'll fit snugly against your

balls in such a wonderful way

that you'll start seeing things

differently--plus they'll remind

you of me which is better than

thinking about those nasty hitters.

NUKE

Jesus, Annie, I don't know--

ANNIE

You've been pitching out of the

wrong side of your brain. These'll

help move things to the right

side.

NUKE

Big League pitchers don't use

these.

ANNIE

They did when they were in the

Carolina League.

NUKE STUFFS THE PANTIES in his pocket, bewildered. A small

kiss from Annie, and he hurries to the bus.

CUT TO:

INT. LOCKER ROOM -- DAWN

PLAYERS THROW THEIR GEAR into their travel bags.

A PAPER BEER CUP IS TAPED TO THE WALL -- With a sign:

"Married men deposit wedding rings here for road trips".

CLOSE ON THE CUP -- A ring is dropped in, and another, and...

We begin hearing Annie's VOICE OVER:

ANNIE (VOICE OVER)

A woman should never ask questions

about road trips.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PARKING LOT -- DAWN

THE TEAM BUS PULLS OUT -- Wives and girlfriends head back to

their apartments, leaving:

ANNIE WALKING BACK ROME -- Several blocks to her house.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER)

Men don't realize that women always

know when they've been unfaithful.

(beat)

The fact is, upon exact moment of

penetration--the woman knows.

AS ANNIE WALKS BACK through Durham...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. HIGHWAY THROUGH THE SMOKY MOUNTAINS EARLY MORNING

THE TEAM BUS ROLLS through the North Carolina landscape.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER)

This sort of spiritual awareness

can be a mixed blessing, especially

if you're dating a ballplayer. I

believe a woman oughta take care

of her man so thoroughly that he

can go on the road for a few days

without having the desire to search

out another pair of panties

(self-aware)

That is probably, however, my

most ridiculous belief.

(sigh)

I just hope the boys start winning

soon. In some profound way I

fear that a last place team is a

reflection on its women...

THE BUS ROLLS through North Carolina.

CUT TO:

INT. THE BUS -- MORNING

SKIP SITS IN THE FRONT of the bus, doing a crossword puzzle.

LARRY READS A BOOK -- "How to Make a Million Dollars in Real

Estate with No Money Down".

DEKE TURNS UP HIS TAPE DECK -- George Jones sings "He Stopped

Loving Her Today".

MICKEY TURNS UP HIS TAPE DECK across the aisle -- Aretha

Franklin sings "R-E-S-P-E-C-T".

DEKE TURNS HIS VOLUME LOUDER -- Mickey does likewise, and

soon we have DUELING TAPE DECKS. C & W going head to head

with R & B. A cacophony.

SKIP LEAPS TO HIS FEET, WHIRLS and shouts.

SKIP

I got one word to say to you--

Shut up!

Silence.

And then from the back of the bus, some soft, gentle, but

slightly dissonant guitar chords.

THE BACK OF THE BUS -- Nuke sits across the aisle from Crash,

who's re-reading Thomas Pynchon. Nuke has a guitar and is

struggling with some chords to "Try a Little Tenderness".

He butchers the chords and the words.

NUKE

(singing softly)

Oh she may get wooly, women do

get wooly, because of all the

stress...

CRASH

(in disgust)

Gimme that.

CRASH STRONGARMS THE GUITAR from Nuke.

CRASH

I hate people who get the words

wrong. It ain't "woolly" it's

"weary" and it nobody's got stress,

they're wearing a dress.

(beat)

Listen.

CRASH WHIPS THROUGH THE FIRST FEW BARS of the song.

CRASH

(sings softly)

Oh she may be weary, Young girls

do get weary, Wearing the same

old dress...

HE SHOVES THE GUITAR back at Nuke.

NUKE

How come you don't like me?

CRASH

'Cause you don't respect yourself,

which is your problem, but you

don't respect the game--and that's

my problem.

(beat)

You got a gift.

NUKE

What do I got?

CRASH

A gift. When you were a baby the

gods reached down and turned your

left arm into a thunderbolt.

Nuke looks at his left arm rubs his shoulder curiously.

CRASH

You got a Hall of Fame arm but

you're pissing it away.

NUKE

I ain't pissing nothing away--I

got a Porsche already. A 944

with A.C. and a quadraphonic

Blaupunkt.

CRASH

You don't need a quadraphonic

Blaupunkt--you need a curve ball.

(beat)

In the Show, everybody can hit

the fastball.

NUKE

You been in the Majors?

CRASH

Yep.

Tony and Deke overhear this and turn around. And Crash gets

wistful, lyrical, and even slightly hopeful.

CRASH

I was in the Show for 21 days,

once.

(beat)

It was the greatest 21 days of my

life. You never touch your luggage

in the show--somebody else handles

your bags. It's great.

(beat)

The ballparks are like cathedrals,

the hotels all have room service,

the women have long legs and brains--

it's a smorgasbord.

DEKE

The women are hot, eh?

CRASH

Yeah--and so are the pitchers.

They throw ungodly breaking stuff

in the Show--exploding sliders.

Nuke, Tony, and Deke murmur in awe at Crash's pronouncement.

CRASH

You could be one of those guys--

but you don't give a fuck, Meat.

NUKE

God damn it I'm sick of you calling

me "Meat"! You wanta step outside!

CRASH HOPS TO HIS FEET as the bus barrels along, grabbing

Nuke by the collar.

CRASH

Yeah, let's go.

Nuke quickly has second thoughts--Crash can be terrifying.

NUKE

No. Wait a minute. Calm down,

Crash...

Nuke sits back down. Calms. Reaches for a baseball sitting

nearby. He hands the ball to Crash.

NUKE

Teach me how to throw a breaking

ball.

Crash takes the ball gently and speaks softly:

CRASH

As I was saying ya hold it like

an egg.

As the bus rolls through the country:

A LATE 60'S OLDS CONVERTIBLE ROARS PAST -- Max Patkin at the

wheel. He waves at the team bus and honks.

The opening bars on the National Anthem--"Oh Say Can You

See"

And Max roars off through the rolling green-landscape...

Hit Hank Williams music to play over:

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. WINSTON-SALEM BASEBALL STADIUM -- DAY

MAX PATKIN COACHES THIRD in his comic routine, now, for the

Winston-Salem team, as Durham is in the field.

A WINSTON-SALEM BATTER lines a double off the wall.

CUT TO:

INT. DURHAM RADIO STATION -- DAY

TEDDY THE ANNOUNCER re-creates the game for broadcast with a

several second delay.

HIS ASSISTANT (P.A. ANNOUNCER FROM THE BALLPARK) has a phone

to her ear, and writes down each play on a piece of paper,

holding it up for Teddy who enhances shamelessly in his ON

THE AIR "play by play".

CLOSE ON PAPER -- His assistant writes "DOUBLE TO LEFT".

TEDDY HITS A TINY MALLET against a jar. Thunk. The sound

of ball hitting bat. He punches one of several tape cassettes

cued up. A crowd roars. An array of special effects is at

his fingertips.

TEDDY (ON THE AIR)

...double off the wall by Higgins,

and once again the Durham pitchers

are unable to get the first out

of the Inning...

HIS. ASSISTANT WRITES ANOTHER NOTE -- "ERROR MCFEE"

Thunk -- The mallet again.

TEDDY (ON THE AIR)

Line drive to center--a diving

stab by McFee--oohhhh! Ball gets

by his glove, another run in and

the crowd loves it--

PUNCHES A CASSETTE -- A crowd roars.

CUT TO:

EXT. HIGHWAY THROUGH SMOKY MOUNTAINS -- NIGHT

The bus rolls through a small town.

CUT TO:

EXT. CHEAP MOTEL IN GREENSBORO -- DAWN

THE TEAM BUS PULLS IN -- Players stagger off, half asleep.

TEDDY (ON THE AIR) O.S.

Bulls will attempt to end a six

game losing streak against the

Greensboro Astros with Nuke LaLoosh

on the hill...

CUT TO:

INT. GREENSBORO BALLPARK LOCKER ROOM -- DAY

NUKE DRESSES FOR THE GAME -- He pulls the RED PANTIES out of

his bag. Looks around the clubhouse. Nobody sees them.

He's embarrassed anyway--and stuffs them back.

CUT TO:

EXT. GREENSBORO BALLPARK DAY

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS -- The batter swings, and:

CUT TO:

INT. RADIO STATION -- DAY

TEDDY AND HIS ASSISTANT -- A note is held up, "Single"--

THUNK -- The mallet strikes.

TEDDY ON THE AIR

Base hit centerfield off LaLoosh...

HIS ASSISTANT (ON THE PHONE) SCRAWLS another quick note.

THUNK THUNK THUNK -- A rapid sequence of the mallet striking

the percussive box, and:

TEDDY ON THE AIR

That closes the book on LaLoosh

today, 5 earned runs, 5 hits, 5

strikeouts, 5 walks, 5 wild

pitches...

CUT TO:

EXT. GREENSBORO BALLPARK -- DAY

SKIP REMOVES NUKE FROM THE GAME and he heads for the showers.

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S KITCHEN -- DAY

ANNIE SITS WITH MILLIE at the kitchen table, listening to

the radio. Annie sighs. Millie consoles her.

CUT TO:

INT. GREENSBORO LOCKER ROOM -- DAY

NUKE IN THE SHOWERS ALONE -- Letting the water run over him.

The voice of Teddy an the air, editorializing shamelessly.

TEDDY (ON THE AIR)

It's time to tell it like it is,

sports fans--and this is the most

wretched road trip I've seen in

20 years, and possibly the worst

Durham team in half a century.

(beat)

Where are the great Bull players

of yesteryear? Where are the

Footsie Blakes, the Digger O'Dells,

the Gus Palowitzes?

TEDDY'S VOICE PLAYS OVER road trip images:

NUKE STARTS TO PUT ON THE RED PANTIES -- Changes his mind,

and hides them again.

THE TEAM BUS rolling across North Carolina.

THE TEAM BUS at a drive through hamburger stand somewhere in

the Smoky Mountains. Sack after sack of fast food is passed

through the window to Skip.

THE TEAM BUS PULLS INTO YET ANOTHER HOTEL and this time, a

Bus with a sign--"Holiday on Ice" pulls in next to them.

TEDDY ON THE AIR

Is the modern athlete a pale

imitation of the great old

warriors? Only Crash Davis stands

out this year, begging the

question, "What are these boys

thinking about, 'cause it sure

ain't baseball".

CUT TO:

EXT/INT. THE BUS IN FRONT OF THE KINGSTON HOTEL -- NIGHT

As the players rise in the bus, Deke is trying to work up

excitement about the "Holiday on Ice" bus from which twenty

great looking women ice skaters are getting off.

P.O.V. HOLIDAY ON ICE GIRLS getting off the bus.

TONY

Ice skaters. God. Look't em.

that's what we need, y'know--one

night with some skaters and we

can get back on track...

DEKE

We need a night off just to stop

our losing streak. We need a

rainout.

CRASH

I can get us a rainout.

MICKEY

It's 90 degrees, there ain't been

a cloud in the sky in weeks.

CRASH

Hundred bucks says I can get us a

rainout tomorrow.

TONY

You're on.

CUT TO:

EXT. KINGSTON BASEBALL STADIUM -- NIGHT

A CAB PULLS UP in the dark. Late at night. The cab leaves,

and the four men climb over the fence.

CUT TO:

EXT. INSIDE THE KINGSTON BALLPARK -- NIGHT

CRASH PULLS THE LID OFF A BOX -- Several valve handles.

Crash turns several handles with an iron bar, and...

THE SPRINKLER SYSTEM COMES TO LIFE -- And suddenly the field

is covered with the clicking of rain-bird sprinklers, throwing

long slow arcs of water across the entire field.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SCOREBOARD OF THE BALLPARK -- MINUTES LATER --

NIGHT

THE FOUR PLAYERS sit on the scoreboard, watching the

sprinklers flood the field. A six-pack is passed around.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BALLPARK -- EARLY THE NEXT MORNING

A QUAGMIRE ON THE INFIELD -- The Kingston GENERAL MANAGER

stands in the muck with his ground crew. Wheelbarrows,

shovels, sand is piled around. It's hopeless.

KINSTON G.M.

God damn it! Vandals. Damn kids!

GROUND CREW MEMBER

We can't get it ready by game

time, boss.

The General Manager studies the field. Hopeless.

He looks up at the sky. Cloudless, sunny.

KINSTON G.M.

(to his assistant)

Call the radio and the paper.

(with disgust)

The game's been rained out.

Organ music -- "The Blue Danube Waltz".

CUT TO:

INT. THE KINGSTON CIVIC ARENA -- DAY

"HOLIDAY ON ICE" in its matinee performance. The beautiful,

leggy women skating to the "Blue Danube Waltz".

TEN OF THE DURHAM BULLS sit in the front row. Nuke, Deke,

Tommy, others, but not Crash. 'Tony waves to a skater.

THE SKATER WAVES BACK as she swirls past the Bulls.

CUT TO:

INT. THE KINGSTON HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT

DEKE ICES THE CHAMPAGNE -- In the b.g. Tommy is blow drying

his hair. Mickey puts the finishing touches on his outfit.

Several other players get ready to party.

DEKE

Par--ty! I blew a whole day's

meal money for this champagne seven

dollars, man, it better be good.

MICKEY

For seven bucks it better be some

serious shit.

TOMMY

What time is it, eh? When are

they coming?

The guys lounge around nervously, trying to be casual.

CUT TO:

INT. KINGSTON HOTEL COFFEE SHOP -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON A STEAK DINNER set down in front of Crash.

Nuke hands Crash a hundred dollar bill.

NUKE

This is from Tony for the rainout.

C'mon, man, let's go to the party.

CRASH

Naw...

NUKE

"Naw"? There's ice skaters coming!

You ever made love to an ice

skater?

CRASH

By the dozen. Holiday on Ice,

Ice Capades, Ice Follies--

(beat)

I'm through with one night stands.

NUKE

You're through with one night

stands?! What do you want?

CRASH

I just wanta play everyday despite

small nagging injuries--and go

home to a woman who appreciates

how full of crap I truly am.

Nuke just stares at him.

NUKE

You're weird, man--I want a ice

skater real bad.

CRASH

Go for it.

NUKE

If I get laid, you won't tell

Annie?

CRASH

I won't have to.

NUKE LOOKS AT HIM STRANGELY -- And hurries to the party.

CUT TO:

INT. THE PARTY ROOM -- NIGHT

THE GUYS ARE GROOMING TO EXCESS -- Still blow drying and

preening for each other.

A knock at the door.

THEY QUICKLY GET "CASUAL" and lounge seductively.

DEKE

It's them, it's them! Be casual.

(calling out)

Come in!

THE DOOR OPENS -- It's Nuke.

NUKE

Hey, guys, pa--rty!

TOMMY

Shut up and be cool, man. Like

Mickey there...

MICKEY "LOUNGES" WITH A DRINK and a cigaret.

MICKEY

You wanta make it to the Show,

Rock, you gotta learn how to

"lounge".

NUKE LEANS ON THE BAR with an elbow, striking his version of

a "lounging" pose.

NUKE

How's this?

MICKEY

You got it.

A knock at the door.

TOMMY

Entre.

EIGHT ICE SKATERS STAND IN THE DOORWAY -- Ready to...

ICE SKATER #1

Pa--rty!

POP THE CORK ON THE SEVEN DOLLAR CHAMPAGNE -- And party...

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S HOUSE -- NIGHT

THE WIVES AND SOME GIRLFRIENDS WATCH "DYNASTY" on Annie's

television. Annie hosts, filling their drink glasses, serving

popcorn, and largely staying in the background.

MICKEY'S WIFE

Do you think your husband plays

around on the road trips?

DEKE'S WIFE

No way. Well...God...do we have

to talk about that?

MICKEY'S WIFE

I guess not...it's just that once

I asked Mickey if he was faithful

to me on the road trips and he

said "in his heart he was

faithful".

(beat)

What the hell does that mean?

DEKE'S WIFE

It means he's unfaithful--but

only a man would put it in those

words.

A BABY CRIES -- Tommy's Wife lifts a baby from the couch,

begins rocking It.

CUT TO:

INT. THE PLAYERS' HOTEL -- NIGHT

Players are dancing, drinking, hustling the ice skaters, the

music is up, the party swinging, when:

SKIP ENTERS -- He's steaming and slightly drunk. Larry is

with him.

SKIP

I just got one word to say to

everybody--shut up!

THE PLAYERS AND ICE SKATERS freeze in mid-party.

SKIP (CONT'D)

Nuke-- get everybody in here.

Hundred dollar fine anybody's not

here in five.

NUKE HURRIES OUT THE DOOR

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS

NUKE POUNDS ON DOORS in a hurry.

--P.O.V. IN FIRST DOOR -- Jimmy is on his knees at the bed,

bare chested, praying with an open Bible.

NUKE

Get your holy ass in Room 401.

He hustles to the next door, and pounds madly.

--P.O.V. IN SECOND DOOR -- TWO NAKED WOMEN with Jose and

Tony, nearly nude.

NUKE

Hundred dollar fine if you're not

in #401 in five.

JOSE

Hundred dollars?!

JOSE AND TONY LOOK AT THE TWO WOMEN -- It's a lot of money

in Class AAA ball.

TONY

Christ. Sorry ladies...

JOSE AND TONY HURRY OUT in their shorts.

NAKED LADY

Go to hell! You're in last place

anyway!

AND NUKE HURRIES DOWN THE HALL -- Pounding on each door.

CUT TO:

INT. COFFEE SHOP -- CONTINUOUS

CRASH EATING ALONE -- Peacefully. Nuke arrives excitedly.

NUKE

Crash! Skip wants everybody in

#401 for a team meeting. Hundred

buck fine if ya don't show!

CRASH PULLS OUT THE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL and hands it to him.

CRASH

Party without me.

NUKE

God--what a Big League move.

NUKE TAKES THE MONEY and hurries back.

CUT TO:

INT. THE PARTY ROOM CONTINUOUS

24 PLAYERS AND 8 ICE SKATERS -- Some of the players Nuke

rounded up are partially dressed. Skip spots the women.

SKIP

Who are you?

ICE SKATER #1

We're ice skaters. Can we go

now?

SKIP

No. I want you to hear my

philosophy. It'll do you some

good

(beat)

Here It is. This is a simple

game. You throw the ball, you

hit the ball, you catch the ball.

You got that?!

ICE SKATER #1

(frightened)

Yes.

SKIP

Are you lovely creatures aware

that you are about to compromise

yourselves with a buncha bums who

are--

(to Larry)

--what are we?

LARRY

Eight and twenty-four.

SKIP

Eight and twenty-four! How'd we

ever win 8 games?

LARRY

It's a miracle.

SKIP

Look, guys--I'm a man, I got needs

too. I understand this party--

but...

(beat)

sex is the one thing you can get

further behind in and catch up

faster than anything I know.

(beat)

There's a baseball lesson in there

somewhere.

(looking around)

Where's Crash?

NUKE STEPS FORWARD -- Hands Skip the hundred dollar bill..

NUKE

He can't make it. Here's his

fine.

SKIP

Aw Christ, he don't have to come.

He's hitting .350.

TOMMY

Don't you think that's a double

standard--we're here and he ain't?

SKIP

I believe in a double standard

for guys hitting .350.

(beat)

Look, men--you got a choice. You

wanta be roasting your nuts off

for Midas Muffler welding exhaust

pipes up the assholes of

Cadillacs...or--

(beat)

You wanta be sitting in the Caddy

while some other guy's crawling

around in a monkey suit with a

blow torch?

(beat)

There's only two places you can

be in life--in the Caddy or under

it.

(nearly pleading)

These are the best years of your

lives. These are the glamor days.

(beat)

It don't got any better than this.

(threatening, tough)

But...if this club don't start

winning soon, there's gonna be

changes made!

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S HOUSE SIMULTANEOUS -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON TELEVISION -- "DYNASTY" drones on.

DEKE'S WIFE

(wistfully)

Deke was a great player in high

school. I thought held go right

to the Major Leagues--I was gonna

be a Big League wife.

(beat)

Pass the Pampers, please.

CRASH

Helluva guy--

Silence.

Crash flips off the T.V. with the remote.

NUKE

Can I ask you something?

CRASH

What?

NUKE

What would you think of a pitcher

who wore women's panties?

CRASH

If he had a good breaking ball,

I'd respect the shit outta him.

Crash turns off the light.

CLOSE ON NUKE -- A bit of light spill on his face. Eyes

open. A long ways from sleep.

CUT TO:

EXT. A CAROLINA LEAGUE BALLPARK -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON NUKE'S FACE -- He takes his cap off, wipes his brow.

He's pitching. Everything in SLO-MO.

FANS IN THE BALLPARK LAUGH at Nuke, mocking his.

EXTREME CLOSE UP ON NUKE'S EYES -- Frightened.

SLOW FULLBACK ON NUKE -- HE'S STARK NAKED save for his cap

and glove. Everyone else is clothed.

NUKE WINDS AND PITCHES in the nude. SLO-MO...and as the

batter cranks up to take a vicious swing--

CUT TO:

INT. TEAM BUS -- DAWN

CLOSE ON NUKE'S FACE -- He awakes with a start.

NUKE

No!

CRASH LEANS OVER and shakes him.

CRASH

Wake up, it's okay...you're

dreaming...

CRASH HELPS NUKE back to consciousness. Nuke shakes his

head, trying to wake up. Crash Is almost tender.

NUKE

I was playing naked.

CRASH

I know, I know--I have that dream

all the time. We're almost home.

The Bus continues across the Carolina landscape.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STADIUM PARKING LOT -- DAWN

The team bus pulls into a deserted parking lot. A few of

the players' cars are parked. Some of the wives and

girlfriends. And Annie.

THE PLAYERS SHUFFLE OFF the bus. Tired and beat.

CLOSE ON NUKE -- He looks worse than the rest. He sees Annie

and waves. She's waiting next to her old Volvo.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREETS OF DURHAM MOMENTS LATER

ANNIE'S VOLVO PULLS OUT -- She drives.

INT. THE VOLVO -- DAY

Annie is up--Nuke is down.

NUKE

God I'm tired. What a trip I was

lousy. I was worse than lousy.

Everytime I pitched--it was like

throwing gasoline on a fire.

Kaboom. I--

ANNIE

What is this "I, I, I" stuff?

You only talk about yourself?

Aren't you glad to see me? Don't

I look nice?

NUKE

Sorry. You look great. I'm

totally exhausted.

ANNIE

Good. Total exhaustion can be

spiritually fabulous.

(beat)

Let's play catch.

NUKE

Catch?

CUT TO:

EXT. ANNIE'S BACKYARD -- MORNING

Flowers and birdfeeders everywhere. And, 60 feet away in

complete, oversized catcher's gear--

JACKSON IN A CATCHER'S CROUCH -- Nuke stares, in his street

clothes, but now with a glove and ball.

JACKSON

Hum, babe, hum, babe, fire it in

here, hum babe--

ANNIE

That's not necessary, Jackson---

(beat)

Okay, Nuke, now lean in for the

sign.

He does. Jackson flashes some ridiculous signs.

NUKE

This in ridiculous. I'm a pro.

ANNIE

Just do what I say. Now, which

nostril are you breathing through?

NUKE

Which nostril am I breathing

through?

Annie puts her hand under his nose.

ANNIE

The right nostril. Good.

NUKE

My right nostril?

ANNIE

There are two important psychic

conduits called the "pingala" and

the "ida". The pingala starts

with the left testicle (or left

ovary of the female) and ends at

the right nostril.

She touches his left nut through his pants in a matter of

fact manner. He stares back.

ANNIE

The ida originates at the right

testicle(or ovary) and terminates

at the left nostril.

NUKE

I'm really beat. I need some

serious "z's"--

ANNIE

The pingala is the nostril used

for throwing a baseball.

(beat)

And if you discover before a game

you're in the wrong nostril, it's

easy to switch.

NUKE

Switch nostrils?

ANNIE

Right. Okay, fire a couple in

there.

NUKE TOSSES AN EASY PITCH to Jackson. Annie's incensed.

ANNIE

You're patronizing me! I will

not be patronized--

NUKE

If I throw too hard I'll hurt the

kid.

ANNIE

He's handled a lotta pitchers

whose records were better than

one and six.

Nuke gets a little steamed. He feels his nostril, winds,

and fires a medium speed fastball to Jackson.

NUKE

(a bit angry)

How was that?

ANNIE

A little better.

NUKE

Gimme the God damn ball!

NUKE WINDS UP and fires a pitch to Jackson. Alas--

THE BALL SAILS THROUGH A WINDOW -- Crashing glass.

NUKE

(cynically)

How ya like that?

ANNIE

Much better. Your delivery was

fully integrated because you

weren't thinking about it 'cause

you were pissed off at me.

(beat)

This is progress.

Nuke smiles and gives in. And reaches for her.

NUKE

I give up. Let's go inside, make

love, and fall asleep till it's

time to go to the ballpark.

She takes his hand and leads him up to the back porch.

ANNIE

Or...

(taking his hand)

...We could just take that sexual

energy and save it for a few hours

and re-channel it into your

pitching tonight.

(shouting)

C'mon, Jackson, I've got some

lemonade!

Jackson runs over in full gear to join them.

SITTING ON THE BACK PORCH -- A pitcher of lemonade.

NUKE

I can't keep up with you. First

you say sex is gonna make me a

better pitcher--now no sex is

gonna do it?!

ANNIE

It's all the same thing.

SUDDENLY NUKE'S FACE IS FILLED WITH ALARM -- He points.

NUKE

What's that?!

--P.O.V. A CARDBOARD BOX ON A TABLE NEARBY -- Scrawled in

larged letters on the side are the words "MAX PATKIN".

ANNIE

(matter of factly)

That's Max. His ashes anyway.

He left no kin...

Nuke stares, unsettled.

NUKE

God...I think I'm gonna be sick--

ANNIE

Oh don't be silly. Death is

nothing to be scared of. It's

just another way of living. It's

just a fresh start--kinda like

spring training.

Nuke thinks about this carefully. Looks at the ashes, at

Annie, and at Jackson, in full gear, mask on his head.

NUKE

Death is like spring training?

ANNIE

Yes. And so is birth. Now look

me in the eyes, Nuke--

(sweetly accusing him)

You haven't been wearing my

panties, have you?

CLOSE ON NUKE -- Utterly bewildered.

CUT TO:

INT. BULLS LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT

NUKE PULLS HIS JOCKSTRAP ON over the red panties.

Crash notices the panties, and snaps the waistband.

CRASH

Hot. Very hot...

Nuke looks around nervously, continues dressing quickly.

NUKE

Annie says her panties will keep

one side of my brain occupied

while I'm on the mound, thus

keeping my brain slightly off

center, which is where it should

be for artists and pitchers. She

also said I should throw whatever

pitches you call for.

CRASH

Annie's a smart lady.

Suddenly Deke spots Nuke's panties.

DEKE

Hey, fruit alert! Check out the

Rook.

SEVERAL PLAYERS GATHER AROUND -- Wolf whistles aimed at Nuke

as the players are dressing into their uniforms.

NUKE

Annie says there's no such thing

as straight and gay. We're all

sexual creatures to start with,

and we get formed into certain

roles.

TOMMY

You believe that?

NUKE

When I'm one and six I'll believe

anything.

(as they dress)

Annie also says that God is a

woman. You believe that, Crash,

you think God's a lady?

CRASH

God's definitely a woman--but

she's no lady.

TOMMY

This is all Commie bullshit.

(beat)

God has a dick, man.

TONY

God damn it, Jimmy, you're an

expert--does God have a dick or a

pussy?

JIMMY TURNS FROM HIS CUBICLE to answer the theological

question. All heads wait for the answer.

JIMMY

The Lord God is tri-une--Father,

Son, and Holy Ghost.

TOMMY

Father and Son. Awright!

The guys slap fives, convinced God is a man.

MICKEY,

(baiting them)

Yeah, but He is a brother.

TOMMY

Bullshit! God ain't no brother!

Deke turns to Crash, full of despair.

DEKE

If there is a God, why am I hitting

.200?

SUDDENLY SKIP AND LARRY APPEAR to restore order.

SKIP

Shut up! This is a damn noisy

clubhouse for a team that's lost

15 straight.

Silence.

Skip takes off his cap--instantly sincere.

SKIP

Patkin was a tribute to baseball...

LARRY

...and one helluva guy.

CUT TO:

EXT. DURHAM BALLPARK -- DUSK

A BLACK GOSPEL GROUP at a mike at home plate, singing:

GOSPEL SINGER (SINGING)

I come to the garden alone, When

the dew is still on the roses,

And the voice I hear, whispering

in my ear,. The Son of God

discloses--

ANNIE SPRINKLES MAX'S ASHES on the pitcher's mound, as:

JACKSON SITS IN THE DUGOUT FILLING ROSIN BAGS with the extra

ashes from a box.

EXTREME CLOSE UP -- A ROSIN BAG MARKED "MAX"

DISSOLVE TO:

EXTREME CLOSE UP -- "MAX" ROSIN BAG on the mound.

EXT. DURHAM BALLPARK -- GAME IN PROGRESS -- NIGHT

NUKE ON THE MOUND -- PICKS UP the rosin bag, and paces. A

small crowd. A batter steps in to hit. Nuke looks. in for

the sign.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

God, these panties feel great.

That don't make me queer, right?

Right. Whoo.

(reads the sign)

Breaking ball.

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS -- Breaking ball for a strike.

NUKE

I ain't queer. I know I ain't...

(reads the sign)

Fastball.

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS -- Fastball for a strike.

CUT TO:

ANNIE'S BOX SEAT IN THE STANDS -- She charts pitches.

JACKSON

Ninety-three miles an hour.

ANNIE

He looks wonderful, Jackson...

CUT TO:

NUKE ON THE MOUND -- He looks in for the sign.

NUKE

Fastball again? Why's he want

the heat--I just threw heat.

Don't think, Meat--give 'em the

gas.

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS -- An eye-popping fastball. The

batter swings and misses. Strike three.

CUT TO:

IN THE DUGOUT -- SKIP AND LARRY LOOK AT EACH other warily.

SKIP

Jesus--what's got into Nuke?

LARRY

I heard he's wearing women's

underwear--and he's breathing

through his pingala nostril.

SKIP

(spitting tobacco)

I'm getting too old for this game.

P.O.V. NUKES FASTBALL SHATTERS A BAT -- THE HITTER

hits a weak roller to third for the second out.

CUT TO:

BACK TO THE MOUND -- Nuke is pumped up. Paces.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

God, Annie's got a great ass....

How come her panties fit me?

That's one of the mysteries of

sex I guess...

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS A VICIOUS CURVEBALL -- A check swing

dribbler to first for the third out. And the players run

into the dugout.

CUT TO:

INT. THE DUGOUT

NUKE PUTS ON HIS WARM UP JACKET and sits down next to Crash,

who's taking off his gear, readying to hit.

NUKE

I was great, eh?

CRASH

Your fastball was up and your

curveball was hanging--in the

Show they woulda ripped you.

NUKE

Can't you let me enjoy the moment?

CRASH

The moment's over.

(rising to get a bat)

If this guy starts me off with a

breaking ball, I'm going downtown--

CRASH SMILES in his disarming way, and grabs a bat.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE ON DECK CIRCLE

Crash kneels, rubbing the bat handle with pine tar. He

studies the pitcher working the first two hitters.

CRASH RISES and heads to the plate.

CRASH STEPS INTO THE BOX -- Digs in.

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

I dare you to throw me the hammer--

you ain't that stupid...

CRASH'S P.O.V. IN SLOW-MOTION -- The pitcher winds and

delivers. And as the ball leaves the pitcher's hand--

CRASH (VOICE OVER)

Breaking ball--you fool!

CRASH UNLOADS ON THE PITCH -- Crushing a home run deep over

the left field wall.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. THE PRESS BOX

TEDDY THE RADIO ANNOUNCER is wary about these events.

TEDDY THE RADIO MAN

Two-nothing Bulls in the second--

first time the Bulls have been

ahead in weeks, eh Whitey--

(beat)

Let's see if the real Nuke LaLoosh

will show up--

CUT TO:

NUKE FIRES THREE QUICK PITCHES for another strike out. Curve

ball, fast ball, curve ball. Overpowering.

CUT TO:

ANNIE AND JACKSON in her box seat.

ANNIE

Oh my...

CUT TO:

SKIP AND LARRY IN THE DUGOUT -- Skip looks at Larry as if to

say "What's happening?" Larry just shrugs.

CUT TO:

BACK TO THE FIELD -- Nuke's next pitch.

THE NEXT BATTER POPS UP -- Crash circles into foul ground to

make the catch, whipping the ball around the infield.

AND CRASH GOES TO THE MOUND for a visit.

NUKE

Hey, I'm cruisin', man--what're

you doing out here?!

CRASH

I want you to throw this one at

the bat rack.

NUKE

Why?! I'm finally throwin' the

damn thing where I want to.

CRASH

It'll keep the fear of God in the

hitters. Trust me.

NUKE

You're the boss.

CRASH RETURNS TO THE PLATE -- Flashes a sign.

CUT TO:

THE PRESS BOX Teddy's getting worked up.

TEDDY THE RADIO MAN

--a staggering start by LaLoosh--

he's thrown 5 cuts on 9 pitches,

all of them strikes--he's got pin

point control here tonight, Bull

fans...here's the pitch--

CUT TO:

NUKE'S NEXT DELIVERY -- A wild ass rocket thirty feet off

line. The BULL MASCOT DIVES for cover.

THE BATTER STEPS OUT OF THE BOX nervously, muttering.

BATTER

This guy's crazy.

CRASH

Yep. Next one might be at your

head. Hell if I know where the

damn thing's going...

CLOSE ON NUKE -- Smiles. Winds. Delivers. A change up.

THE BATTER SWINGS TERRIBLY OFF STRIDE -- Strike three. Crash

whips the ball around the infield.

CUT TO:

SCOREBOARD: DURHAM 11, KINGSTON 0--TOP OF THE NINTH

TEDDY THE RADIO MAN

--top of the ninth, two outs, one

out away from a stunning two hit

shutout for LaLoosh...

CUT TO:

NUKE ON THE MOUND -- Bearing down.

NUKE (VOICE OVER)

Bear down, Meat, don't let up.

You own these guys. Dad'll love

a shutout ...

P.O.V. CRASH FLASHES THE SIGN -- Nuke doesn't like it.

NUKE

No, no--this guy's looking for

heat--lemme give him the deuce--

NUKE SHAKES OFF THE SIGN Cocky, full of himself.

CUT TO:

ANNIE AND JACKSON in her box seat.

ANNIE

Oh no--he's shaking off the sign,

Jackson. Big mistake...

JACKSON

He'll learn.

CUT TO:

CLOSE ON CRASH BEHIND THE PLATE

CRASH

This son of a bitch is throwing a

two hit shutout and he's shaking

me off?!

(to batter and umpire)

Hey Charlie, here comes the deuce.

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS -- A hanging curveball. The batter

takes an ungodly cut, and BLASTS a long home.

THE BATTER STANDS AT THE PLATE watching the blast...until

CRASH SHOVES HIM toward first with a sneer. For a moment it

looks like there'll be a fight--but the hitter backs off and

takes the home run trot as:

NUKE STARES AT THE OUTFIELD WALL as the batter circles the

bases. Crash walks to the mound.

NUKE

You told him I was throwing a

deuce, right?

CRASH

Yep. He really crushed that

dinger, didn't he. Musta gone

450 feet...damn...

NUKE HOLDS OUT HIS GLOVE -- Says nothing. Crash puts a new

ball in the glove. Returns to the plate.

NUKE GETS THE SIGN -- Winds. Delivers. Batter hits a weak

one hopper back to the mound. Game's over.

CUT TO:

INT. MAXWELL'S BAR -- LATER -- NIGHT

A raucous celebration of the victory. Booze flows.

And we begin hearing the familiar sounds of Piaf ...

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S HOUSE -- LATER -- NIGHT

ANNIE COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM -- Dressed in a long, flowing

nightgown, elegant and old fashioned. She looks fabulous,

PRESENTING HERSELF to Nuke.

ANNIE

I'm yours.

NUKE

Y'know, Annie, I been thinking if

it works for one game, maybe it'll

work for a whole buncha games.

ANNIE

Breathing through your pingala

always works, honey--

NUKE

Not that. I mean the re-channeling

of my sexual energy.

(beat)

Maybe we shouldn't make love for

awhile.

ANNIE

Now don't go overboard, I look

incredibly hot, right?

She strikes a pose. She does look hot.

NUKE

You know what it feels like to

throw a three hitter?

(nervously, with

resolve)

We better not fuck.

ANNIE

Nuke?!

NUKE

Just till I lose.

ANNIE

Get over here.

NUKE

No.

ANNIE

Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh--

She starts toward him--and Nuke flees. Out the door, into

the night. Annie slumps in disbelief.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

ANNIE SITS IN BED ALONE -- Lights a cigaret. A puzzled

expression--things have got out of control.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER CONT'D)

Nuke was so encouraged that he

took a vow to not have sex until

they lost...

Annie reaches over, opens a drawer in her nightstand, and

pulls out her baseball glove. She cradles it fondly in her

lap, puts it on, pounds it gently...

ANNIE (VOICE OVER CONT'D)

Y'see a ballplayer on a streak

considers himself touched with

magic and he'll do anything to

keep from breaking the spell ...

CUT TO:

INT. DURHAM BULL LOCKER ROOM -- DAY

NUKE NEATLY UNFOLDS THE RED PANTIES in his locker.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER CONT'D)

In fact the whole team started

making religious connections and

everybody got hot.

JOSE BLESSES THE BATS with a chicken bone cross.

JIMMY READS THE BIBLE and prays alone in the corner.

CUT TO:

EXT. DURHAM BASEBALL FIELD -- DAY

PLAYERS TAKING GROUND BALLS and batting practice.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER CONT'D)

I figured Nuke would win a couple,

then lose, and things would get

back to normal ...

PLAYERS PLAYING "FLIP" PEPPER like kids.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER CONT'D)

But it didn't happen like that...

and for one extraordinary June

and July, the Durham Bulls, for

whatever perverse reason, began

playing baseball with joy and

verve and poetry--

NUKE WARMING UP in the bullpen, listening to Crash.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER CONT'D)

The two sides of my own brain

were all jumbled up and cross-

wired... while one side was being

neglected, the other was in

paradise watching our Bulls play

like Big Leaguers...

MICKEY RIPS A TRIPLE UP THE ALLEY -- Slides into third.

DEKE AND TOMMY TURN A SPECTACULAR DOUBLE PLAY

ANNIE (VOICE OVER)

We swept a four game series with

Kingston, back to back

doubleheaders with Winston-Salem,

and kicked the holy shit out of

Greensboro in a three game

series...

SEVERAL PLAYERS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS at a local mall. A line

of kids to meet them. A banner--MEET YOUR BULLS!

ANNIE (VOICE OVER)

They were in demand all over town--

and Crash, who kept hitting

dingers, was approaching the minor

league record... though I told

nobody.

CRASH BLASTS ANOTHER HOME RUN -- Another win.

JULY 4 PROMOTION -- LARRY, DEKE, TOMMY, AND JOSE dressed as

the "Spirit of 176 Drum and Fife Corps" at home plate,

surrounded by a Boy Scout Troop.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER)

After sweeping a July 4

doubleheader, the Durham Bulls

were tied for first.

THE WIVES, THE GROUPIES, AND MILLIE WAIT for the players

outside the clubhouse following a game.

ANNIE SITS ALONE IN HER BOX SEAT as the stadium empties.

ANNIE (VOICE OVER)

But beautiful as the winning streak

was, I was getting damn lonely.

(beat)

Something had to be done. I needed

a man...

CUT TO:

EXT. THE TEAM BUS ON THE ROAD BACK --DAY

The sounds of Diana Ross and the Supremes.

INT. THE BUS -- DAY

LARRY, DEKE, TOMMY AND MICKEY as the Supremes, singing "Stop

in the Name of Love" at the front of the bus.

NUKE

I love winning, Crash, you hear

me? I love It. Teach me

everything.

CRASH

It's time you started working on

your interviews.

NUKE

What do I gotta do?

CRASH

Learn your cliches. Study them.

Know them. They're your friends.

Crash hands Nuke a small pad and pen.

CRASH

Write this down.

(beat)

"We gotta play 'em one day at a

time."

NUKE

Boring.

CRASH

Of course. That's the point.

(beat)

"I'm just happy to be here and

hope I can help the ballclub."

NUKE

Jesus.

CRASH

Write, write--"I just wanta give

It my best shot and, Good Lord

willing, things'll work out."

NUKE STARTS WRITING them down.

NUKE

"...Good Lord willing, things'll

work out."

CRASH

Yep. So how's Annie?

Nuke looks up from his cliches, startled.

NUKE

She's getting steamed 'cause I'm

still re-channeling my sexual

energy--maybe I should cave in

and sleep with her once just to

calm her down. What'ya think?

CRASH

You outta your mind? If you give

in now you might start losing.

(beat)

Never fuck with a winning streak.

Nuke nods seriously, listening to the master.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STADIUM PARKING LOT -- DAY

THE BUS PULLS IN -- Wives and girlfriends are waiting.

The players get off, greet their women.

ANNIE GREETS NUKE -- They head for her Volvo..

JIMMY STARTS ACROSS THE LOT on foot, dragging his luggage,

when Millie pulls up in her car.

MILLIE

Hi, Jimmy. Want a ride?

JIMMY

(nervously)

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as

your personal savior?

MILLIE

No.

JIMMY

Can I give you my testimony?

MILLIE

You can do anything you want.

(a tiny grin)

Hop in.

JIMMY NERVOUSLY GETS IN WITH MILLIE They roar away.

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S KITCHEN -- DAY

NUKE SITS AT THE TABLE -- He's just finished eating.

Annie circles him. A pot of soup on the stove.

ANNIE

I'm so proud of you and all the

guys. Want some more soup?

NUKE

No, no, it was great.

ANNIE

How 'bout a back rub?

NUKE

No, that's okay. All I need's a

little nap.

ANNIE

I'll tuck you in.

NUKE

(nervously)

You can't seduce me.

ANNIE

I'm not gonna try to seduce you,

sweetie...

ANNIE STRETCHES OUT HER LEG and lays it an the table.

NUKE

What's that?

She pulls back her skirt slightly, exposing her garter snaps

attached to her stockings.

ANNIE

That's my leg.

NUKE

I know what it is.

ANNIE

I figure we could work on some

fundamentals even if we don't

make love.

She strokes her leg. Nuke stares fearfully.

NUKE

Fundamentals?

ANNIE

Sure.

(beat)

Unsnap my stockings.

Nuke squirms, then reaches for her garter snaps. And stops.

NUKE

Crash once called a woman's, uh--

pussy--y'know how the hair kinda

makes a "V" shape?--

ANNIE

Yes I do...

NUKE

Well--he calls it the Bermuda

Triangle. He said a man can get

lost in there and never be heard

from again.

ANNIE

What a nasty thing to say.

NUKE

He didn't mean it nasty. He said

that gettin' lost and disappearing

from the face of the earth was

sometimes a good thing to do--

especially like that.

ANNIE

Oh...

(beat)

Crash is a very smart man. Now

c'mon, honey, give it a try.

NUKE REACHES FOR THE GARTER SNAPS with two hands. He fumbles,

groping awkwardly. Annie stops him gently.

ANNIE

Watch...one hand--

WITH A SINGLE HAND ANNIE FLICKS each snap. Flick, flick,

flick. Magic. The snaps open effortlessly.

NUKE

oh.

ANNIE RE-SNAPS THEM QUICKLY, offering her leg to Nuke.

ANNIE

Now you try.

NUKE TRIES AGAIN -- One handed. Awkwardly again, but--

ANNIE

(sighing sexually)

Mmmmmmm...oh yes...

BUT NUKE LEAPS TO HIS FEET -- Reacting vigorously, nervously,

desperately. The soup crashes on the floor.

NUKE

No! You're playing with my mind!

ANNIE

I'm trying to play with your body!

NUKE

I knew it--you're seducing me!

ANNIE

Of course I'm seducing you for

Godsakes, and I'm doing a damn

poor job of it--

(beat)

Aren't I pretty?

NUKE

I think you're real cute.

ANNIE

Cute?! I hate cute! Baby ducks

are cute! I wanta be exotic and

mysterious!

NUKE

You're exotic and mysterious and

cute--that's why I better leave.

Nuke starts to leave.

ANNIE

Nuke! You got things all wrong!

There's no relation between sex

and baseball. Ask Crash.

NUKE

I did.

ANNIE

What'd he say?

NUKE

He said if I gave in to you I'd

start losing again.

ANNIE

He did?

NUKE

I'll be back when we lose.

NUKE HURRIES OUT THE DOOR -- Annie just stares.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE DOWNTOWNER MOTEL -- DURHAM -- DAY

A run of the mill cheap modern motel.

INT. CRASH'S ROOM AT THE MOTEL -- DAY

CRASH WORKS ON HIS SWING in front of a mirror.

A knock at the door.

CRASH

Come in.

ANNIE ENTERS the room. Crash stays with his stance.

ANNIE

Crash...I want you.

CRASH

Nuke won't go to bed with you,

eh?

ANNIE

He' s confused--

CRASH

Aren't we all?

ANNIE

Don't you think I'm pretty?

Crash puts down the bat, and looks directly at her. As he

does he picks up two spring loaded hand exercisers and begins

pumping them an he talks.

CRASH

You're gorgeous, God damn it!

From the moment I first saw you I

knew I had to have you. I had to

have you!

ANNIE

I want to be had.

CRASH

I think of you and the "boy" all

the time.

ANNIE

He won't make love to me anymore.

CRASH

And he's right! A ballplayer on

a streak has to respect the streak.

They don't happen very often.

(beat)

You know how hard this game is?

If you believe you're playing

well because you're getting laid

or because you're not getting

laid or because you wore red silk

panties--then you are!

(beat)

And I still think Thomas Pynchon

is full of shit.

ANNIE

I want you desperately!

Crash can hardly keep up. So he slows her down--

CRASH

Who are you? Do you have a job?

ANNIE

I teach part time at the Junior

College. What if I told you I

was through with Nuke? He learned

his lessons quickly and left me.

CRASH

And now you wanta teach me?

ANNIE

I don't imagine there's much I

could teach you.

CRASH

I doubt that.

ANNIE

Crash, I get wet just thinking

about you.

CRASH

I thought you wanted an

"uncomplicated" boy?

ANNIE

I'm ready for a complicated man.

CRASH

--and as soon as we lose a game,

he'll be back in your arms.

ANNIE

I said when I think about you, I

get wet.

CRASH

Annie, I think you should leave.

Annie launches into a tirade without orchestration or self-

awareness. She's frustrated, confused, angry and...

ANNIE

God damn you--what is happening?

Is there no man who'll have me?

(beat)

This is the weirdest season I

ever saw--the Durham Bulls can't

lose and I can't get laid!

CRASH

(softly)

You okay?

Annie slides against the wall down to the floor. Tears flow.

Her makeup runs. Her eyes are red.

ANNIE

(shakily)

I need a drink.

Crash gingerly helps her to her feet.

CUT TO:

INT. MAXWELL'S BAR -- DAY

ANNIE AND CRASH SIT IN THE CORNER of the empty bar.

CRASH

Why baseball?

ANNIE

(sighs)

I was raised in a Baptist church

got dipped in the water when I

was 5-- born again before

kindergarten...by the time I was

10 I knew it was bullshit and at

15 I ran away from home...

SHE SMILES at the most painful memories.

ANNIE

pregnant, had an abortion, got

pregnant again, had an abortion

again...gave up men. Tried women.

Missed men. My mother died.

(beat)

I bought a car for $200 and drove

to Ft. Lauderdale to bury her.

(beat)

And after we'd sung some hymns in

some wretched Florida funeral

home, I went outside and something

happened--

Her tone becomes wistful, nostalgic.

ANNIE

The smell of cut grass in the

warm March air overwhelmed me and

I heard a noise--

(makes the sound))

--tok, tok, tok--and some men

shouting...then tok, tok, tok.

Crash smiles slightly. He knows.

ANNIE

I crossed the street--it was the

New York Yankees spring training

field--tok, tok, tok, was the

sound of a ball hitting a bat--

and I sat in the warm bleachers

to think about my mother...

(beat)

And I saw him.

CRASH

Who?

ANNIE

Thurman Munson.

(beat)

He was covered with dirt and he

was fighting with everybody--it

was beautiful ...

(beat)

And he called the ump a cocksucker

and got thrown out of the game

even though it was an exhibition!

(beat)

So I stayed in the bleachers all

spring and gradually came to

understand what's so great about

baseball.

CRASH

What's so great about baseball?

ANNIE

If you know where home plate is,

then you know where 1st base is,

and 2nd, and everything else--

'cause they're always in the same

place in relation to home.

(beat)

Don't you see? If you know where

home plate is, then you know where

everything else in the universe

is!

Silence.

CRASH

I don't know if I'd go that far.

ANNIE

It's true, It's true!

(beat, down)

Least it used to be true. It

ain't possible that baseball's

not enough anymore, is it, Crash?

CRASH

It's possible.

ANNIE

No.

CRASH

Are you gonna be waking up next

to 20 year old ballplayers when

you're 60?

ANNIE

Well...I used to think that wasn't

the worst thing in the world to

look forward to. Lately I'm not

so sure.

CRASH

Why not?

ANNIE

(angrily)

Whatta you mean "why not"? Are

you gonna play forever?!

Before Crash can answer--

SUDDENLY A VOICE interrupts. They both turn to see:

MILLIE EXCITEDLY DRAGGING JIMMY into the nearly empty bar.

She leads him by the hand.

MILLIE

Annie, Annie! There she is--we've

been looking all over for ya. Hi

Crash.

MILLIE LEADS JIMMY right up to their table. And as they

hold hands. Jimmy stands there shyly.

MILLIE

Well tell 'em, honey.

JIMMY

(nervously)

We're getting married.

MILLIE STICKS OUT HER LEFT HAND Displays a huge ring.

ANNIE

Omigawd, honey, I'm so happy for

you.

MILLIE

He's a virgin.

Jimmy squirms defensively.

JIMMY

Wellyeah...

(to Annie and Crash)

I guess that probably seems pretty

corny to people like you.

ANNIE

Oh Jimmy, honey, I think it sounds

wonderful!

MILLIE

Annie, will you be the bride's

maid?

CUT TO:

EXT. DURHAM STADIUM -- LATER -- NIGHT

GAME IN PROGRESS -- Nuke on the mound.

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS -- Very high. Ball three.

CUT TO:

INSIDE THE DUGOUT -- Skip and Larry spitting tobacco.

SKIP

Nuke's overthrowing tonight, he

don't look loose. Anything

bothering him?

LARRY

He said his chakras were jammed

and he was breathing out of the

wrong nostril.

SKIP

(spitting tobacco)

Okay...

CUT TO:

BACK TO THE MOUND

NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS AGAIN -- Very high. Ball four.

CRASH IS QUICKLY to the mound.

CRASH

What's wrong?

NUKE

I'm nervous--my old man's here.

NUKE MOTIONS -- They both look.

--P.O.V. NUKE'S FATHER SITTING in a special box seat. The

man is 45, and is operating a home video camera taking

pictures of his son.

CRASH

Hey, he's just your father, man--

he's as full of shit as anybody.

TOMMY AND DEKE JOIN THEM at the mound.

DEKE

What the hell's going on?

TOMMY

You breathing through the wrong

fucking nostril again?

DEKE

Hey, you guys hear Jimmy and Millie

are engaged?! Wait'll I tell him

she's gone down on half the

Carolina League--

CRASH

(threatening)

Anybody says anything bad about

Millie, I'll break his neck.

NUKE

Hey, guys, I got a game to pitch.

JOSE THE FIRST BASEMAN JOINS THEM ALL at the mound.

JOSE

Don't throw anything to me--my

girlfriend put a curse on my glove.

NUKE

I'll take the curse off the son

of a bitch!

JOSE

Then you got to cut the head off

a live rooster.

NUKE

Shit.

MICKEY JOINS THE CROWD from third base.

MICKEY

Don't worry, man, this umpire's a

God damn racist.

P.O.V. THE UMPIRE -- He's black.

CUT TO:

THE DUGOUT -- SKIP AND LARRY watch the growing meeting.

SKIP

What the hell's going on out there?

LARRY

It's a damn convention.

SKIP

Check it out.

CUT TO:

THE MOUND -- Larry joins the convention.

LARRY

What the hell's going on out here?

CRASH

Nuke's scared cause his nostrils

are jammed and his old man's here,

we need a live rooster to take

the curse off Jose's glove, and

nobody knows what to get Jimmy

and Millie for their wedding

present--there's a whole lotta

shit we're trying to deal with--

LARRY

Oh. I thought there was a problem.

CUT TO:

INT. ANNIE'S HOUSE NIGHT

ANNIE IS HELPING MILLIE make her WEDDING DRESS.

The game can be heard on the radio in the b.g.

MILLIE

You should be at the game.

ANNIE

No, no--I'm fine. Millie, how

much time did you and Jimmy spend

together before he proposed?

Annie holds the dress up to Millie.

MILLIE

Five hours. We both just know.

(studying the dress)

Do you think I deserve to wear

white?

ANNIE

We all deserve to wear white.

BOTH WOMEN TURN THEIR HEADS to the radio to listen.

TEDDY THE RADIO MAN

...line drive up the alley's gonna

score at least two, here comes

the relay--

CUT TO:

EXT. DURHAM BALLPARK THE GAME NIGHT

CRASH FLIPS HIS MASK -- A runner rounds third heading for

home. Here comes the throw, on a line. It hits once on the

infield grass, takes a long hop--

AS THE RUNNER BARRELS TOWARD THE PLATE -- Crash takes the