赌

Bet

“ I want you to help me stop my son gambling. ” an anxious father said to his boy's principal. “ I don't know where he gets it from, but it's bet, bet, bet. ”

“ Leave it to me, ” said the principal.

A week later he phoned the boy's father. “ I think I've cured him,” he said.

“ How? ”

“ Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said, ” I bet that's a false beard, “ How much? I said, and he said $ 5 ”

“ What happened ? ” asked the father.

“ Well he tugged my beard which is quite natural and I made him give me $5. I'm sure that'll teach him a lesson! ”

“ No, it won't,” said the father. “He bet me $10 on Monday that he'd pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week! ”

“ 我想你帮我制止我儿子赌博。 ” 一位焦急的父亲对儿子的校长说。 ” 我不知道他从哪儿学来的，总是赌 , 赌 , 赌。 ”“ 交给我吧！ ” 校长说。

一周后，他打电话给男孩的父亲。 “ 我想我已使他改邪归正。 ” 他说。

“ 怎么办到的？ ”

“ 噢，他看着我的胡子，然后说： ' 我打赌那是假胡子。 ' ' 赌多少钱？ ' 我问，他说 5 美元。 ”

“ 后来怎样？ ” 父亲问道。

“ 于是他拉扯了我的胡子后，知道那是货真价实的，我就要他给我 5 美元。我敢肯定我给了他一个教训。 ”

“ 不行，那没用。 ” 父亲说。 “ 星期一他和我赌了 10 美元，说周末他可以让你允许他拔你的胡子！ ”

谁的父亲更强壮

Whose Father Was the Stronger

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.”

Bill wasn't impressed, “Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!”

威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。威尔说： “ 喏，你知道太平洋吗？就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。 ”

比尔不屑一顾： “ 噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗？那是我爸爸杀死的。 ”

我要玩足球

I Need Your Football

George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”

“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”

“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”

乔冶敲着他朋友家的门。当朋友的妈妈来应门时，他问：“阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗？ ”

“ 不行， ” 那位妈妈说， “ 天气太冷了。 ”

“ 噢，那么， ” 乔冶， “ 他的足球可以出来玩吗？ ”

把账单给我父亲

Send the Bill to My Father

Doctor： ″I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.″

Patient： ″then send the bill to my father，please.″

医生：“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”

病人：“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”

我在谈一笔很大的生意

A young business man had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

　　一个年轻人刚开始做生意，租了一间漂亮的办公室。坐在办公室，他看见一个人从外面走进办公室。装着很忙的样子，他拿起话筒，假装正在跟人谈一笔很大的生意。他从嘴里说出的，都是数目很大的数字，还有口气很大的许诺。

　　Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."

　　最后，他挂上电话，问来访者:“您有什么事吗？”来访者说:“哦，我是来装电话的。”

The Swimmer游泳者

The Swimmer

　　The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.

　　Johnny laughed.

　　"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.

　　"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."　

　　游泳者 　
　
　　老师给同学们讲了一个小故事，说有一个人早饭前要在河里游泳，横渡三趟。

　　约翰尼笑了。

　　老师问道：“你不相信一个游泳很好的人可以做到么？”

　　约翰尼回答说：“不是的，先生，我是不明白他为什么不游四次，好回到他放衣服的那边。”

　　NOTE：

　　I wonder…..表示我想知道…

what's puberty(青春期)

One evening, in the midst of dinner preparation, our 10-year-old daughter asked, "Mommy, what's puberty?" My wife was rushed at the moment, so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary, after which they could talk about it.

　　A few minutes later, Peggy returned. Her mother asked what the dictionary had said. "Puberty means," announced Peggy, "the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children."

　　"What do you think of that?" my wife asked.

　　"I'm not sure," Peggy relied. "I've always been able to bear children. It's adults I can't bear.".

　　青春期


　　一天晚上，在准备晚饭的时候，我们十岁的女儿问：“妈妈，什么是青春期？”我的妻子此时正忙得不亦乐乎，所以她建议佩吉到字典上查这个词，然后她们可以再讨论它。

　　几分钟以后，佩吉回来了。她妈妈问字典上怎么说。

　　“青春期的意思是，”佩吉宣布：“一个女孩能忍受孩子的最早年龄。”

　　“你怎么想呢？”我妻子问。

　　“我不知道，”佩吉回答。“我总能忍受孩子。让我忍受不了的是大人。

　　Note: bear children: 生孩子。bear 一词也可作“忍受”讲。

谁签署了独立宣言

他为什么没走?

Why he couldn't leave?

There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.

　　The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room."

　　"Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."

我忘记摇药瓶了