你的钟准吗

Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点？”

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。

　　"Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?"

　　“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗？”

耶稣的电视机

Jesus’s Telly

　　A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
　　"But what’s that in the corner?" asked Mother.
　　"Oh, that’s their telly," replied the tot.

　　　圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
　　他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
　　“可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。
　　“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。

睡前祷告

Bedtime Prayers

　　Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

　　And Julie replied, "Because that’s what I put in my geography exam!"

　
　　朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

　　妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”

　　朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”

几则中英文幽默

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：

　　May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？

　　小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！


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　　一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”

　　男的答道：“IT!”


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　　一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。

　　他不放心的问道:turn left？

　　监考官回答：right。于是他立刻向右转……


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　　某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry。

　　老外应道：I am sorry too。

　　某人听后又道：I am sorry three。

　　老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。

你知道我是干嘛的吗

Do You Know My Work？

One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．

Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．

“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”

“You don't know my work，” said the other．

“What is your work？”

“I'm a policeman．

“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．

“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”

你知道我是干什么的吗？

一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。

两个人站在外面，看着大火。

“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”

“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。

“你是干什么的？”

“我是警察。”

“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。

“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

失去理智的反对者

An opponent lost his head

While making a long, dull speech, a politician received a great deal of heckling(诘问) from the gallery. Secondly, someone threw a cabbage onto the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen," said the politician , "I see that one of my opponents has lost his head."

蹩脚的的驾驶员

Bad Drivers

There’s a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"

Herman says, "I know, I’m on Route 280 but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!"

早晚的事