Never Say Goodbye

I am too lazy to make any excuses for my laziness. When I have crush on some guy, I am lazy to tell him about it, or I don’t want to tell him. I am too lethargic to seek my dream-lover, even shed tears when I lose my love. I am just waiting, or wasting time until you fall in love with other girls. So it’s not astounded when you tell me you are going to get married.

You were sharing your sweet love with me on the phone just as before. I was looking for something to eat in my disordered fridge, holding up the telephone receiver and then staring at a half bottle of orange blankly when you said: “ She is a bottle of orange-flavored drink!” You didn’t realize my absent-minded “ because she is fresh, exquisite, considerate and a little trouble-some.”

I held up the orange slowly, swallowed it little by little. It seemed complicated bittersweet to me at that moment, while your chattering seemed endless: “ She is my type of taste, you know? And she always can arouse my love and responsibility! I love her and I am sure she is my princess, my wife.” Your exciting declaration almost made me spew up the entire orange with surprising. Your…wife!?

I couldn’t bear with you any more: “Okay, just stop your theory of Orange. Can’t you see I am busy? Obviously I am going to depend on coffee tonight. Orange? Hum,” I uttered a sound “it can only put on my weight!”

You laughed aloud: “ Anyone annoys you? Why you are grumpy suddenly? Coffee? Aha! You remind me that coffee had accompanied me to stay up night so many times, especially at the preparations for the exams, when I was at school. In this way, 'she’ could be regarded as my intimate lover.”

I laughed at you: “ What? What preparation for the exams? You are always shooting at random, and how can you have the face to mention it?”
“While,” you lowered your voice: “ you are my coffee, always and really.”
“What…?”
“A cup of coffee without sugar and milk, black coffee, I mean.” You tittered craftily.
“Come on, just smile as big as you can, but take care your chin! Don’t be dislocated!” I gnashed my teeth.

After the call, I surged in to my unfinished translations with no hesitation, as though fearful of making a ripple in the boundless pool of quiet. I didn’t want to think about anything, anything. But I couldn’t focus on my job at all. I fled my pen and rush into the kitchen. There were a lot of laundries to clean, but while I was pouring the water into the washing machine, I remembered that my detergent had been already run out. Shopping! A faint smile flickered across my face, shopping was an absolute good way to liberate my feelings.

Two minutes later, I had already stood on the sidewalk, into the stream of people, with heavy traffic from all directions and endless strangers coming and gong rather hurriedly.
I was misted and blurred.
“Hey! Look out!” A driver leant out of the window and railed at me.
“Look out!” You often yelled at me like this with loving-care-and-concern tone.
You would say: “don’t be afraid. There is me!”
My heart still beating in quick, dull throbs, and with every throb I felt my energy escaping me. The traffic lamp was so bright red that stabs my eyes, and the countless windows of cars were so dusky that I was bewildering and lost my way.
Immediately, a tide of fragility flooded into me. It put a spell upon me like solemn music. It was anguish. I was not in floods of tears. Instead, my eyes were not even filled with a drop of tear.
I bought an ice cream, my favorite taste, eating it in the street with the wind of December. It could dry over my spirit flame and all of my sadness.

To be weak with intensive attention is some women’s ultimate weapon. They can make men do everything for them with no hesitation. These women, just like your orange wife, arouse men’s desire of responsibility and protection easily. While some women, just like black-coffee-women, seem strong-minded and always mask their fear by a show of confidence. They are easy to be neglected. They are considered to be strong and durable for everything.

Then you really don’t mind me too much?

I am too lazy to make any excuses for my laziness. When I have crush on some guy, I am lazy to tell him about it, or I don’t want to tell him. I am too lethargic to seek my dream-lover, even shed tears when I lose my love. I just wait, wait here for your coming, your loving, then, your leaving. I can bear my sorrow without any complaint, just because I am considered to be strong-minded. I don’t try to defend myself, as there is no use to explain. Just closed my eye to the pain, or else, it was anguish for me to bear-and would die.


According to the Millenarianism, the millennium is the time when Jesus Christ will return and rule on earth for 1000 years. And Satan will do evil every en of the millennium, so it means the root of suffering and misery. But the majority of we fellow countrymen don’t know the meaning of it. We celebrate it as flourishing event. To my surprise, many lovers, including your orange girl and you, want to get married in the year.

I decided to leave. I asked the editor in chief for business trip: “ I 'd like to have a business trip. Let me gather news about the earthquake in Taiwan or Turkey, or flood season in Mexico. Let me go, please! Anywhere is ok.” The editor was pleasantly surprised. He arranged the schedule for me at once. I didn’t want his labor rewarded but to leave.

The millennium night, the stars flow away, away, far— into deep glittering darkness. We are on the bus, in the shadow of silence. I feel gratified that I am not the only leaver at the millennium night.

While the bus is rushing fiercely on the empty street, my cellular phone calls.
You are frustrated: “ where are you going? And why you have business trip suddenly? You don’t want to join my wedding, ha?”
“Come on James, bridesmaid is not very important to you.” My voice sounds perfunctorily, “ my manager did the ordering abruptly so I have no time to say goodbye to you, and you know I don’t like any troublesome detail, just as say goodbye.”
“You are lazy for everything! Listen! Wait me on the airport! I am not as lazy as you, and I 'd like to say goodbye.”
“No! No! No! You always stern and serious. That’s enough to me! I don’t want to say goodbye!!”
“ Just wait! See you!”

I can’t see you eventually, because when I lay down the handset, our bus is “kissing” with a lorry appeared rashly. The fireworks in the darkness seem so charming through the smashing windows. The fragments of the past are staging in my mind. I felt so light, so rested, as if I had woken up out of a sweet dream. Seemingly, you are whispering to me: “don’t be afraid. There is me!” I smile; smile, deeply, happily, and painfully. I can’t say goodbye to me in this way. This is happiness to me.

The millennium night, there is no past, no pain and your change. And never, never say good-bye.